


A twisted Chance

by STS0901



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Basilisks, Bullying, Dark Magic, Dark Magic Rituals (Harry Potter), Dark Mark (Harry Potter), Drama & Romance, Duelling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Male-Female Friendship, POV Female Character, POV Original Character, POV Second Person, Parselmouths, Parseltongue, Past Abuse, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Polyjuice Potion, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Potions Master Severus Snape, Psychological Trauma, Seduction, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Teacher-Student Relationship, Triwizard Tournament
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 68,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29036313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STS0901/pseuds/STS0901
Summary: Four schools, three friends, two black-haired men and one woman in between: You.Hoping for a fair chance of just being you, you are looking forward to the revival of the now-called Fourwizard Tournament at Hogwarts.Little do you know that Hogwarts is the most unlikely place to fulfil your desire until you equally befriend a small, green-eyed Gryffindor boy and the school's tall, brooding potions master.However, with the Tournament going on and a growing danger lurking around the corner, your graduation year abroad turns out to be the most unexpected key moment of your life.(In accordance to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
Relationships: Severus Snape & Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape & Reader, Severus Snape & You, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Reader, Severus Snape/You
Comments: 35
Kudos: 63





	1. Off to Hogwarts

**Author's Note:**

> Another idea wouldn't leave me alone and basically forced me to try my first fanfiction told from the reader's POV. ☺
> 
> Contrary to other stories from this perspective, you/we will be given a name and set outer appearance as it is mandatory for the course of events. I hope you do not mind. 
> 
> Enjoy the first chapter and feel free to tell me what you think about it 😊🙏🤗 
> 
> I am still no native speaker, so if too many mistakes were made, kindly let me know as well. 📖

The moment had finally come. Lined up with your fellow classmates, you gawked at the impressive sight of the giant bus that would bring you to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, located somewhere in the chilly hills of Scotland.

“Everybody’s got their caravan?”, Dr Grass shouted and her rasp haircut seemed to stand up even more at the force of her barking voice.

Small, stout and stern looking, with a pair of thick red glasses enthroned on her broad nose, she was the kind of woman who didn’t care about anything but authority and hierarchy and made everyone realize that from a hundred feet distance.

One last time, you glanced back at your school and second home, Burg Elfenstein in the romantic woods of Central Germany, whose other students were all standing in line to wave the selection of their graduation class good-bye and wish them luck.

Being invited to participate in the Triwizard Tournament for the first time in history was a great honour already, but being outright invited to be part of its revival and spending your last year abroad was far beyond your wildest imagination.

Dr Grass gave you an especially stern look before she ordered the lot of you, five boys and five girls, to enter the bus with what any British witch or wizard would certainly consider a rather rude hand gesture.

You knew that she was not too fond of you, but not because you had a reputation of being a troublemaker or struggled at school. Neither were you known for bad manners or immature behaviour. A little cheeky, perhaps, but there was a reason you had been chosen as head girl for the second time in a row.

No, rather on the contrary, you were convinced that your slightly divergent powers and abilities, though hidden from her and your classmates for a vast part, simply frightened her. Moreover, her personal inability to deal with anything ‘out of norm’, as she had put it so technically after your very first day at Elfenstein, did not help at all.

As time went by, you had gotten somewhat accustomed to her stricter tone with you and simultaneous tendency to use you as poster girl on any opportunity. It seemed like your life in her eyes was always and only about stick and carrot.

Compared to your fellow classmates, your bare existence was already anything but ordinary, starting from the simple fact that you had no idea who had passed on their magical abilities to you. 

The people, most likely your parents, who had dropped you and your twin brother on the steps of an orphanage when you had been mere hours old, naturally hadn’t bothered to leave a note except for the names you had been given. As a result, you were facing encroaching questions and assumptions about your origins and heritage in both worlds ever since.

Growing up in an orphanage for nonmagical people, you had of course never heard of magic at all until one day, an elderly man with a weird headwear had knocked on the big wooden doors of your home and introduced your warden and you to this special world. 

To your personal relief, everyone involved at your orphanage had taken the news quite well. In fact, your surrogate family had been happy to know that real magic was the reason for both your quick grasp of everything and talent to be involved in the most unusual situations, even though you tried your best to behave.

Sadly, your brother Orion had not been blessed with the same abilities, despite being just as intelligent and curious as you were. Inseparable and empathic as you two had always been, your newly discovered powers had not affected your relation in the least. If anything, the bond between you had only strengthened. 

By the time you had actually left the orphanage at the age of ten in order to attend your first year at Elfenstein, Orion had even cried happy tears, because you had gotten so lucky and he would always be the one with whom you would share everything new first and foremost.

You had indeed; every time you had gone home for the holidays and summer break. Not to mention the countless owls you had sent. As much as you loved your new world, you would never abandon your brother for it. 

There was no need to anyway, because whenever you were catching up and spending time together, magical and muggle stuff harmonized instantly. With the Triwizard Tournament ahead, you had sworn to make him even prouder. 

Smiling at the memories, you watched Elfenstein and the woods shrink with every meter the magically enchanted bus rose up in the air. 

“Oi, Lissy, already feeling homesick?”, bellowed a voice from the infamous last row in the bus, making you roll your eyes. Of course, it belonged to Leopold, the impertinent head boy, womanizer and most insufferable bragger of your school.

Turning around and deliberately letting your dark red curls dance around your well-proportioned face, you shot him a death glare with your emerald green eyes that glistened dangerously in the midday sun.

“Got hit by a bludger again, Leopold?”, you shouted back with an amused undertone and purposely ignored the warning glare of Dr Grass.

“No, why do you ask? Have you finally come to care for me?”, he winked while you fought instinctively the urge to act as though you suddenly suffered from a particularly nasty gag reflex. There was no sense in riling up Dr Grass this early, especially not over such a minor and harmless bickering.

“I’m rather worried about the fact that you have forgotten my name again. Honestly, if there was no recent snogging session with a bludger, I’d seriously have myself checked for some sort of dementia…”, you retorted instead and felt the corners of your lush lips twitch in satisfaction at the snickers of your comrades.

“Lillian Alhena Schwarz and Leopold Grossmann!”

Apparently, Dr Grass’s tolerance shrunk with every year that passed on. Groaning, as did the whole class, you sat up properly and gave her an apologethic look. Unfortunately for the whole lot of you, your headmistress had already made up her mind and prepared for a general sermon.

Strutting around the small corridor of the bus, she pierced everyone with her eyes and clenched her massive jaw.

“As long as we are still flying over German territory, I have no qualms of conscience to return and select one of your unluckier fellow students in exchange for you.”, she began and as usual, the whole class went quiet. No one dared risking getting on this particular side of her.

“By now, you should have realized that the Triwizard Tournament has technically become a Fourwizard Tournament this year and I will not have any of you staining this honour by behaving like a bunch of wild boars on a mere field trip.”

Dr Grass had a point, there was no denying. You let out an almost inaudible sigh, already knowing what was next on her list.

“Because of our unique and progressive school system, you are at least three years older than the other student bodies and I expect you to behave accordingly. That does apply especially for our head boy and girl.”, Dr Grass bellowed and made the other students jump, whereas Leopold and you just nodded and shook hands as you had done countless times before. Sometimes, you wondered if Dr Grass even recognized the redundancy of her repetitive speeches. 

Everyone was well aware of the precious little fact that they were all of age in both worlds, but according to her imagination of a perfect adult word, the little laughter that was allowed before certainly had to die by the time one turned eighteen. In fact, as long as Leopold and you were only bickering and causing the class to snicker, she’d better be happy about it.

The remainder of your bus ride consequently turned out to be quiet and uneventful with a distinctive taste of boredom. Since Leopold and you were equally popular among your classmates, you even managed to exchange a few polite words and spoke about your expectations of the British wizarding world and Hogwarts in particular.

“I’ve heard that the Boy-who-Lived is currently attending the school.”, Jessica, your best friend, trilled and fluttered her eyelashes, causing the boys to roll their eyes while cautiously checking on a snoring Dr Grass.

You couldn’t blame them as Harry Potter, the Boy-who-Lived, was a sensitive topic indeed. Every student of the Elfenstein selection had been allowed to attend the highly restricted classes of Dark Arts and foreign affairs due to outstanding achievements and therefore inevitably knew the story of said boy wonder by heart.

What truly triggered your compassion was, however, the fact that the boys’ actions were always put in relation with what this lad, who was years younger than them, would have done in their place. 

Harry Potter, the role-model; Harry Potter, the picture-perfect example of a humble wizard; Harry Potter, whom no one in Germany had ever seen. All they knew and cared about was that he had vanquished a Dark Lord before he could have laid his hands on other wizarding nations like Germany.

You smiled mildly at the minor spectacle in front of you. It was true; the fuss German wizards and witches made about Harry Potter's survival was immense in every aspect and you inwardly hoped that it was not as bad in reality.

“Of course, Miss Lillian Alhena is not impressed in the least… Can’t wait to be the only ‘powerful’ orphan no longer... seeking a little rivalry, hey?... I bet one could open up a whole wizarding orphanage on the island after the loafer… come on, guys… a Dark Lord busted by a toddler… I wonder what kid’s magic they are using over there…”, snickered Bernard Hartmann, Leopold’s best friend and the far thicker and malicious copy of him.

Before you were able to shut him up, be it verbally or magically, you felt Dr Grass’s stubby fingers on your lean but muscular shoulders.

“Hartmann!”, she yelled with an unhealthy shade of red on her cheeks that clashed terribly with the one of her glasses. “As for you, Lillian, didn’t I just remind you of-“

“She just smiled. Honestly, it was us who laughed and fooled around.”, Theo interrupted.

He was an introvert and incredibly gifted boy who usually stayed back during any argument or confrontation. You were quite fond of him and in most classes, the two of you paired up as often as possible. Right after Orion and Jessica, he was your most trusted friend.

Dr Grass looked sharply at you, like a hyena ready to attack. When your open gaze met hers and your body language didn’t show a single sign of suppressed anger, she finally shrugged and ordered you to get ready for landing altogether.

++++++++

  
The sight of Hogwarts rivalled the one of nearly every famous castle in Germany. Built next to a giant Black Lake and close to a mysterious looking forest, the hilly grounds and countless towers and spires welcomed you with a magnificent play of colours in the early evening sun.

You appeared to be the last guests arriving as a giant three-master with a Bulgarian flag already anchored in the lake and a no less impressive pale carriage with beautiful Pegasus horses parked in the largest schoolyard.

“Now!”, Dr Grass yelled and apparently destroyed not only your moment of awe and appreciation. 

“You will leave everything inside. We will directly head for dinner and install our caravans afterwards. No dawdling, straighten your robes and remember our welcoming choreography! May Merlin have mercy with everyone stepping out of line!”, she called after them, causing even Leopold, her all-time favourite pet, to mutter something unfriendly under his breath.

Unimpressed with her behaviour, you just did as you were told and thankfully, you had been clever enough to prepare your robes with some useful spells prior to your leave. Finally, you earned the first approving nod of Dr Grass for today.

The ivory white frock coat and tight slacks your main school robes consisted of had a beautiful eye-catching effect and matched perfectly with the either purple, grey, golden or bronze colours of your respective cummerbunds, which symbolized your houses at Elfenstein.

As a member of the ancient house of Jupiter, you happily looked down at yourself and loved the way the silken slate-coloured cummerbund shone in the fading light.

Being almost six feet tall and having a slim waist and doe-like legs, you knew that all too soon, a whole school would shamelessly stare at you and your softly bouncing deep red curls. Not to mention your decent year-round tan and the emerald green eyes that sparkled even more from April until late October when your face was covered in countless little freckles.

Jessica, Yvonne, Melanie, Lisa and all other girls were all-time ready to kill for your looks, but you, ever out of norm, secretly preferred to look at least a little more ordinary. A little less staring would be nice indeed and Merlin knew the dubious reason behind your existence had already confronted you with enough attention for a lifetime.

But before you could lose yourself in deeper musings, Jessica sharply elbowed you. You had already entered the Entrance Hall of the castle. In between statues, sculptures, ghosts and moving portraits, a new pair of massive winged doors then caught the sight of your eyes. 

When they finally opened with a loud creaking, you knew that a new chapter had officially begun. You had arrived at Hogwarts and couldn’t wait for the year to come. Hope washed over you.


	2. First Contacts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After performing the welcoming choreography, you get in touch with the Hogwarts students. Just when you think that everything is going better than expected, your world stops in the most unforseeable way.

The well-worn and chilly stone floor of Hogwarts’ infamous Great Hall felt unbelieveably good under your scales while you were heading with Jessica, Theo and Leopold for the staff’s table at the other end of the hall. It felt like the castle itself embraced you with all your heart and soul.

Having an excellent reputation for transfiguration, it was mandatory for any student at Elfenstein to become an Animagus by the time of your ZMR (Zwischenpruefung der magischen Reife), which were the German equivalent to the British OWLs.

Naturally, Dr Grass’s choreography consisted of nothing but that topic.

She had ordered the other six students to follow her immediately and transfigure any candle within their reach into white fairies, Jobberknolls and little metallic badges for the students that took the form of the crest of Hogwarts. When they fell on the tables, cheers and joyful cries erupted everywhere.

Since the best was yet to come, the four of you waited patiently until the first wave of "ahhs" and "oohs" fell silent.

Although you hated to present your Animagus form, you perfectly understood why Dr Grass had insisted that the four of you would perform the final part of the choreography and tranform in front of everybody. The lucky coincidence had simply been too tempting. 

Therefore, a proud lion, fluttering raven, easy badger and gracious snake finally reached the staircase on which a tall wizard in deep purple robes embraced your headmistress with a fascinating combination of old school manners and charming frivolity.

While Leopold, the lion, strutted around the platform which hosted said staff’s table, Jessica flew artistical trajectories above their heads.

Theo, the badger, cheekily jumped on the table and offered a handshake with his little furry pad to every teacher, causing the women to gush endlessly over him. 

You, a snake of three meters in length, the least useful animal for the choreography itself as Dr Grass had frowningly stated, had been given a free reign over whatever you could do with your scaly body.

It had been a threat and a chance at the same time without being named as such, but in the end, the feeling of being challenged to prove Dr Grass wrong by behaving better in her interest than she would expect, had ouweighed. 

Hissing softly, you therefore turned to the four house tables and reared up at every head in order to greet the students with a grave bow of your upper body and head.

Some of the younger students flinched, as expected, but the vast majority eyed you with great curiosity and gushed over your dark red colour, the black and green circles around your eyes and the white blaze on your head which, contrarily to horses, ran down your spine and ended with the helically rattle at the tail end.

Thundering applause shook the Great hall when you slipped back to your classmates and transformed into your human form again, making Dr Grass smile warmly at you.

“Please welcome our third guest this year, Burg Elfenstein School for Magic and High Arts and her headmistress Dr Kirsten Grass from the magnificent woods of Central Germany.”, an aged but incredibly powerful voice drowned out the noise and the Great Hall fell instantly silent.

Of course, the wizard who had spoken was none other than Albus Dumbledore, the most influential and powerful magician alive and by the way he swirled around and controlled the brimming atmosphere, even Leopold and Bernard looked quite impressed and abashed.

“Well done, Lillian!”, Dr Grass murmured in your ear before she went for her seat next an equally stern looking elderly witch on the staff’s table, while you were dismissed and gestured to sit with the other students of Hogwarts, Beauxbatons and Durmstrang.

As the house tables of Slytherin and Ravenclaw were already full with students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons, your group split up between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Unlike some of your classmates, Theo, Jessica and you had read ‘Hogwarts: A history’ and the respective books about the second and third largest magical schools in Europe and therefore knew of their house system and sitting order.

“Hi, I’m Cedric!”, greeted a rather handsome young man next to you and directly offered to serve you some of the delicious food that just had appeared out of nowhere.

“Lillian, nice to meet you.”, you replied and introduced your friends. In spite of feeling a little starved, you had barely the chance to fill your stomach as you, just like everyone else, were too curious to get to know the foreign magical children and young adults, with whom you would be sharing classes and daily life for almost a year.

As it turned out, Hogwarts did not possess a main focus like your school, the Beauxbatons Academy or Durmstrang. Instead, its strength was the broad portfolio of classes and subjects to study profoundly, including rare topics like ancient runes and arithmancy.

Compared to Elfenstein, you also discovered that the selection into the four houses was based on character traits instead of talents and preferences which you found rather problematic.

“Why is that?”, wanted Cedric to know, looking slightly taken aback.

The atmosphere among the Hufflepuffs quickly revealed that they all seemed eager to learn, were unconditionally friendly and easy in their minds, whereas a glance at the Gryffindor table proved their reputation of being chivalrous, daring and slightly too self-assured just right.

“Well,” you said and ruffled your slightly curlier hair as it always was after a transformation.

“I find it hard to determine the character of a person at the age of eleven, whether with the help of magic or not. You never know if and how a person will change and what will trigger character developments in their life. I also can imagine that by concentrating similar traits and separating them from others, you are dealing with a rather extreme competition among the houses that may not always be beneficiary… no offence, I swear… it’s just my musing and rumours I have heard… please correct me if I am wrong…”

“No no no…”, Cedric interrupted politely and shot a stern glare at Slytherin house. “You may have a point, on second thought… Continue, please.”

“Here’s a practical example.”, Jessica took over and the shade of her usually pale cheeks let you immediately know that she found Cedric definitely more than just handsome.

“You see that brawny lad over there with the Gryffindors, yes? Good. That’s Leopold and the beefy guy next to him is his sidekick Bernard… Well, long story short… we, or Lillian in particular, don’t get exactly along with them… but once we’re in transfiguration or charms class, we often team up because their approach differs from ours and together, we manage to improve our work and general grasp of things…”

“It’s the hard way but I think we learn a lot from that, both personally and professionally.”, Theo concluded and looked in the eyes of some very thoughtful looking Hogwarts students.

“Which class is the most admired and the toughest at Hogwarts?”, you neutrally changed the topic, because no matter how much you agreed with your friends, you didn’t want the lot of you to appear arrogant and make your new acquaintances feel bad in their own home.

As though Cedric had gotten your undertone nevertheless, he gently nudged his elbow in your side before giving you a reassuring smile.

“Let’s see… everyone falls asleep in history of magic, taught by a ghost named Professor Binns… better read the book and some side-readings from the library… Transfiguration is quite tough, but McGonagall is alright. Stern and fair to everybody. She’s deputy headmistress and head of Gryffindor house, too.”, he explained and made the three of you familiar with the people who would teach you for the remainder of the year.

“Herbology with our head of house, Professor Sprout, is enjoyable and useful. As is charms with Professor Flitwick, head of Ravenclaw. Hagrid, the gamekeeper, teaches care of magical creatures… well, it always depends on the creatures, I guess…”

You grinned and tried to remember the names and faces to your best abilities.

“Defence against the Dark Arts is a painful topic, unfortunately. Rumour has it that the post is cursed, but Moody, the retired auror, is doing pretty well so far… Then there’s ancient runes, arithmancy, muggle studies, divination… all optional subjects… oh, and potions, albeit important and interesting… well, Snape is a vicious and biased man and a rather poor teacher… always favouring his house, Slytherin.”

You needed a couple of moment to stomach the information. At the end, Cedric hadn’t bothered to point at the named teachers anymore after a pretty impressive death glare from Professor McGonagall.

You felt secretly grateful for it as you hadn’t liked the sour tone in Cedric’s voice when he had talked about potions and Professor Snape, of all people.

“Looks like there’s a lot going on at Hogwarts. I am sorry to hear about the curse, but to be honest, I can’t wait to get to know your classes and professors.”, you smiled instead of frowning at him. He deserved to know your opinion before being judged by you, a mere stranger and student, just like him. 

“At Elfenstein, classes, except transfiguration of course, are very standardized, regardless of their individual aspects. I am looking forward to seeing different approaches and teaching methods and if I am not mistaken; you are taught by the youngest potions master in a century… quite an honour, actually... his essays are the hardest to read and rarely published, but simply brilliant… I always thought Severus Snape was working for a research company instead of teaching at a school, given his standing in the field...”

The others stared at you in disbelief until Theo had mercy with them.

“Don’t mind her… she’d be living in a cauldron if we’d let her… absolute knack in potions, our 'little one'... honestly, wait until you see her in action…”, he smirked and you couldn’t help but flush to the roots of your hair.

A moment later, a girl with short brown hair and big brown eyes shifted in her seat, releasing you from your embarrassment.

“May I ask a personal question?”, she asked a little shyly and even jumped at your determined nods.

You felt like experiencing the most amazing culture clash. No one at Elfenstein would ever ask for permission to ask a question.

“Well…”, she went on. “You don’t really speak like teenagers, like us, and we are the oldest here. Neither do you look as… don’t get me wrong… as young as we do. How old are you and… why?”

You genuinely chuckled at her insightful question and struggle to ask, because it could have been too private indeed. Smoothing a particular wild curl with your hand, you inclined your head in a respectful manner.

“We are around twenty, some of us turned twenty-one recently. Our school system schedules both a magical and nonmagical education which means that we are all graduating or have graduated in a Muggle school on top. We start at the age of ten and finish later because naturally, the double load takes more time.”, you explained gently.

“In fact, our Muggle class teachers are squibs and we are still taught at our school. You know, to maintain a certain level of secrecy. Among us, the common belief is that an early combination of both worlds will ease life after school, strengthen our social skills and empathy and minimize the problems with racial and blood supremacy.”, Jessica added, fortunately having the dignity to hide the pride in her voice. After all, her great-grandfather was responsible for the Civil treaty between the German wizarding and muggle government that lasted until today. Still, no reason to appear arrogant.

“Blimey!”, another Hufflepuff boy shouted. “You all must be brainy as hell! Oi, guys, imagine the possibilities…”

“I guess that depends…”, said Cedric smugly and caused Theo and Jessica to erupt in laughter, because just at the moment, Leopold was wildly gesturing something that should look like him hunting down a Dugbog, but in fact, he resembled a grown mountain troll.

You couldn’t help but smile sadly. Leopold could be a nice and well-behaved, even a positively charming young man, but unfortunately, the wealth, power and both materialistic and moral safety his family provided made him more pretentious, arbitrary and dissociated by the day.

More or less consciously, he used his lucky upbringing and family reputation as a carte blanche for almost everything.

His sidekick Bernard, coming from a rather dark and dominant family, had also a pretty kind nature, but his self-reflection was pretty poor and made him frequently look like a puppet.

Currently, Leopold left Bernard sitting with some Gryffindors and forced himself next to a slender boy with unruly black hair, green eyes and a scar on his forehead that looked like a lightning bolt.

Harry Potter. The Boy-who-Lived.

He looked a lot less than what you would have presumed from the saviour of Britain’s wizarding world, a little smaller and likeably normal.

Before Leopold had acted like a bull in a china shop, you had seen him talking and genuinely laughing with his friends, and even without recognizing him or the conspicious accumulation of other red-heads, you had already thought of him as engaging and nice.

Now, he seemed a little uncomfortable because of the loud sounds and expansive gestures that Leopold made, but his friends didn’t do more than watch the intruder questioningly. In fact, they looked like lions eyeing their prey.

You, however, felt something shift inside you, and the urge to get up and rescue the seemingly humble and good-hearted boy itched worse than a mosquito bite. However, your musings ended quite fast when a Hogwarts student from Ravenclaw tapped you on your shoulder.

Dr Grass wanted to speak to you, presumably about head girl duties. Of course, she would grant your male equivalent a quiet evening and leave the work to you. You had gotten a carrot, now it was time for a stick.

“You wanted to see me, Dr Grass?”, you asked nonetheless friendly and smiled at her.

For the first time in the course of the evening, you noticed the completely flabbergasted looks on many Hogwarts teachers’ faces, including Dumbledore’s, whenever their gazes fell on you.

“Yes, my dear.”, Dr Grass trilled with a broad grin on her lips that looked awfully feigned. “I wanted to remind you of your head girl duties and that you are responsible to escort your fellow students outside. Hagrid, the gamekeeper, will show you the area where you can install your caravans. Here’s a list of Hogwarts’ general rules with some further additions by me. You are dismissed.”

You gave her a curt but polite nod and smiled at the other professors for they knew that you were biding them goodnight as well.

Hagrid, the giant and positively wild looking gamekeeper, happily waved at you and, while standing up, made the whole table wobble heavily. He,too, seemd very likeable and down-to-earth.

When you turned on your heel to summon your classmates, your eyes caught the sight of an all-black dressed professor at the end of the staff’s table. His sallow skin stood in a sharp contrast to the just as black shoulder-length hair and thick eyebrows.

He neither looked healthy nor friendly, but once your shining green eyes locked with his glistening black pair for a mere second only, your world abruptly stopped.

For the first time ever, you felt your heart truly skip a beat. 


	3. Different Perspectives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On your first morning at Hogwarts, Harry Potter and the mysterious black-dressed professor cross your path again. Unfortunately, circumstances couldn't be more inconvenient. As you get also caught in the crossfire of interests, chaos already seems perfect.

Hogwarts and its grounds greeted you with a golden autumn sunrise when you woke up the next morning on a flat and well protected meadow, where Hagrid had instructed you to install and enlarge your shrunken caravans from your pockets the night before.

Instead of using enchanted Muggle transport means as permanent shelter, Dr Grass had each of you working on a special caravan for the last months, including conventional construction works and magical adjustments.

It had been one of the most challenging and creative school projects ever at Elfenstein, since you had been given free reign to create your own housing – apart from standardized measurement and some mandatory basic installations like a proper bathroom, of course.

Therefore, ten different little houses of all colours, shapes and decorations stood on the dewy grass, reminding you a little of the land of Shire in Tolkien’s epic ‘The Lord of the Rings’.

Energetic as you usually felt after only a couple of hours night’s rest, you decided to go for an early morning run and making you familiar with the grounds at once. When you later headed for the Great Hall to have breakfast and see if Dr Grass was already expecting you to assist her, you were brimming with enthusiasm. For your time period at Hogwarts, you have had the chance to select subjects that weren’t really taught at Elfenstein or to a lesser extent only.

Your finals at the end of the year would take place according to your school’s standards nevertheless, but as you were top student without putting much effort into the regular curriculum, you had felt no objection or whatsoever to choose what was your heartfelt desire. Another wave of hope hit you, accompanied by the desire to meet the mysterious black-dressed professor again.

++++++++

The Great Hall was almost empty, – apparently most Hogwarts students were later risers – whereas the staff’s table looked pretty complete.

“Lillian, over here. NOW!”, shouted Dr Grass across the hall, not realizing that her brisk nature made the vast majority of the resident professors jump. A little embarrassed, you moved past the few curious looking students and focused on blushing a little.

Knowing that Dr Grass would take your reddened cheeks as another stage win in her everlasting struggle to standardize you to what she considered normal and thus good and worthy, you secretly hoped that some of your future professors would realize that your nature differed quite a lot from hers.

Walking up the stairs to the platform, passing a lonesome Harry Potter, you intuitively knew by their looks that Dr Grass had already introduced you to them on your behalf.

Fighting the urge to clench your jaw, you stopped right in front of her with straightened shoulders.

“Good morning, Ma’am. You wanted to see me?”, you asked politely and nonverbally greeted the rest of the table with a gentle inclination of your head.

As expected, Dr Grass tossed a bunch of timetables in your arms for you to distribute them in her place to your fellow classmates. Yours was lying on top of the stack as though she had studied it superbly accurate. Too soon, you were proven right again.

“I hope that your experimental choice of subjects won’t cause any trouble for your future teachers. Needless to say, you will of course cover up the lacks in _our_ examination material on your own by end of the year… but who am I to worry…”, she spoke up and her roaring laughter attracted the attention of the whole table once more.

“You are one of the brightest witches I have ever met. You will succeed, even if chosen as our champion on top next week, will you?”

While a rather stout but kind looking woman with curly grey hair shifted in her chair in visible discomfort, you remained calm and smiled instead warmly at Dr Grass.

“I won’t disappoint you, Dr Grass. You know I’m trying my best.”, you replied and turned to leave when she called you back once more.

From the corner of your eyes, you saw the black-dressed professor cock an eyebrow, looking downright amused. Your heart fluttered again, but unfortunately, this was not the right time to think about that.

“I thought you might want to sit with Mr Potter after you let Leopold take care of our head boy’s and girl’s role model function yesterday evening.”, she said warmly while simultaneously shooting a death glare that was meant for your eyes only.

With all due respect, you simply didn’t know whether you had approached the boy yesterday if you would have seen him before Leopold or not. As if you would ever force your presence on someone just because he or she was famous. Particularly not a teenage boy who must already be standing in other people’s and institution’s spotlight enough as it was.

“Mind if I join you?”, you therefore asked the Boy-who-Lived, who was gulping down some pumpkin juice and almost choked on it in surprise of being spoken to.

“Sorry, my bad.”, you said once he had stopped coughing, but he simply grinned at you and adjusted his glasses.

When your gazes met, the urge to gasp loudly almost got you, though. His almond-shaped eyes were just as emerald green as yours, maybe a little lighter, but that minor detail didn’t matter as the both of you shared also the same spark and sunflower-like pattern. He, too, seemed taken aback.

“No worries, I am a little oblivious at times... Tough woman, eh?”, he finally shrugged and kindly offered you some of the remaining juice while trying to stop his unruliest strand of hair from falling repeatedly into his eyes.

“No, she’s got a point, you know. Duties have to be taken care of.”, you said and pointed at the stack of timetables, dearly hoping to evade the topic while said person was still within earshot.

Harry, however, either didn’t bother or didn’t get your intention, because he looked ready to further elaborate on your previous discussion at the staff’s table.

“I’m sorry, but since I am intruding your privacy, I’d like you to know who I am at least. My name’s Lillian…”, you eloquently changed the subject within a second.

As a result, Harry’s gaze shifted to the same flabbergasted expression that you had only seen yesterday evening among the staff members. Trying to hide your forming annoyance, you attentively buttered a toast.

Was it because of your name? Had they never met someone called Lillian? After all you knew, it was just another version of 'Lily', ‘Lilli’ or ‘Liliane’ and therefore should not be considered extra-ordinary on this island.

Harry took another moment to simply stare at you before he also introduced himself by his given name only.

By the way he spoke and behaved, he could not diverge more from the kind of real-life superhero as who the German press had portrayed him on every occasion.

For the time the Gryffindor table was almost unoccupied, the two of you shared a nice breakfast in comfortable silence or engaging conversations after the somewhat bumpy start.

You giggled like little children when you discovered that you both were seekers in your respective Quidditch teams and had gotten the position through rather unconventional events at the age of eleven.

While he had flown in class against orders to safe some other boy’s remembrall from the claws of what sounded like his personal foe at school, you had gotten caught riding your broom like Muggles did with snowboards, because just doing rounds on the pitch had bored the living out of you right after the first lesson.

Also, Harry showed a lot of interest in your animagus training and complimented you genuinely on the grace of your snake. No one had ever used that word before, and you blushed immensely.

Normally, people got scared or impressed by the rare combination of colours and patterns. Some even downplayed your ability out of discomfort and not even acknowledged the fact that reptiles were extremely rare among animagus forms as they had a lot less in common with mammals and humans.

Or, to put in Dr Grass’s words, you had excelled but again, not in the way that was considered appropriate and expected. As if she didn’t know that animagi had no impact on the shape of their animal.

As it turned out, Harry’s father had been an animagus, too, and the fourteen-year-old boy toyed with the idea of following his footsteps.

When he smiled broadly at your understanding and reassuring nod, something inside you flared up and left you with a burning need of staying close to him.

Harry was a unique balance of kindness, innocent cheek and modesty, mixed with a fierce but well-meaning temper. On second thought, he reminded you strongly of your brother and you couldn’t help but like him even more for that.

Unfortunately, the peace of your pleasant breakfast came to a sudden end as the doors to the Great Hall burst open and your classmates entered alongside the bunch of red-headed Gryffindors and a girl of Harry’s age with an enormous amount of brown hair and serious look.

“Here we go. Thank you for the pleasant start to the day.”, you said lightly and winked at Harry whose features froze at the sight of a strutting Leopold.

“Can’t you stay a little longer? I could introduce you to my friends…”, he asked hastily and before you had the chance to tell him that you had to stay in any case because of the timetables, your classmates were already there.

“Ahhh Harry, lad… I knew you wouldn’t need my assistance to get in touch with the most complicated and unfortunately most stunning girl in the world… What’s up, Lissy? Are you planning to reject him as heartlessly as you rejected me?... I tell you what, Harry, don’t give up on her… she basically asks for it...”, Leopold winked at Harry, who clenched his fists under the slightly too long sleeves.

“If you are done hallucinating, Leopold, here’s your timetable… looks like you’ll be having a hard time pestering me in class from now on.”, you said in order to deflate his brash rambling and quickly adjusted your mind shields, as you called them, in order not to let his words get to you.

Shyly looking around, you saw the irritated looks on the Hogwarts students’ faces and the no less exasperated glances from your classmates except Leopold himself and Bernard, of course.

“Grass’s still here, mate… don’t start something now…”, Valerian hissed and waved at the staff’s table in a desperate attempt to remain unsuspicious.

You could have smacked yourself for hoping that anything would change or get back to what it used to be with Leopold just because of the new surroundings. Once on the bad side of the slick young man with a well-connected family in the German community and an inflated ego, always on the bad side.

Fortunately, your classmates generally sympathized with you, albeit in secret, because no matter how close you were, they never dared to confront Leopold openly for his behaviour towards you. Out of fear, supposedly.

Harry, on the other hand, looked again ready to say something despite the subtle hints to let the topic drop.

As some sort of unplanned but welcome distraction, Leopold took a look at your timetable as though he needed to check whether you had lied to him or not.

“Let’s see, Miss Transfiguration-is-not-exciting-enough-for-me…”, he said provokingly and grabbed the sheet of parchment.

“What did you choose, then?... Defence against the Dark Arts, ancient runes, arithmancy, herbology, care of magical creatures, muggle studies, charms and… of course… _potions_...”

Jumping to your feet, you threw your red curls back and crossed your arms, ignoring the pulled faces of the Gryffindors at the mention of potions.

Your mind simply refused to understand why people would not study subjects that relied not only on your magical abilities or whether one remembered correct wand movements and incantations, but also demanded a high extent of logic, craftmanship, compassion and willingness to seek the unknown and unforeseeable.

“Jealous because transfiguration is all you really excel in?”, you shot back. “Why even spend a year abroad if there is no interest in broadening the own horizon?”

Leopold grinned, ruffled his short brown hair and straightened his shoulders like he always did when he tried to charm his way out.

“Look, Lillian…”, he explained in the sweetest tone that made your toes curls.

“You know I care about you and since you have grown up in that wretched Muggle orphanage, there are simply so many things you have yet to get used to… No one at home will give a rat’s ass about whether I broadened my mind at school or not. I have a network at home and once I am the school’s champions, I’ve got even less to worry about… Honestly, don’t be so stubborn… go out with me and I show you what broadening your mind really means…”

Before Leopold could even reach your arm to pat it in a sickening attempt to appear all caring and worried, a heavy book was slammed on the table.

It belonged to the girl with the bushy hair, who looked beyond annoyed, as did the red-headed girl next to her. She had a particularly disgusted look on her face.

“Do you really believe that nonsense? The general idea of broadening your own horizon is about working and exploring things for yourself... it doesn’t mean going out with someone and benefitting from his connections!”, she hissed and stared at him angrily.

“Besides, are we talking about connections and possibilities you are responsible for? If not and they’re just your family’s achievements, you may as well go and sit with the Slytherins… you seem to be more of their kind than ours…”, Harry’s red-headed friend chimed in, supported by the other nodding red-heads that were obviously his brothers and sister. A big family, what a dream. 

You struggled holding back tears of joy and emotion. Whatever you had read about Gryffindor traits, you had never imagined them to be this bluntly and fiercely.

Leopold seemed to have gotten the message as he stood up and shot you a last frowning look before grabbing Bernard by his collar and indeed storming off to the table of the silver-green house, while the others, apart from Jessica and Theo, quickly dispersed elsewhere.

“Sorry about that.”, the older Gryffindor boys said with an empathic grin and only then you realised that they were twins, just like Orion and you. “If you need us to take care of him, just let us-“

“Be careful. The lot of you will want to be careful and finish your breakfast instead of making a fuss. I don’t think that Gryffindor can stand many more point deductions.”, a very dark, silky and dangerously low voice said right behind you.

According to the shudders of Harry and his friends, your interactions had attracted the attention of someone who was absolutely not to be toyed with.

Hesitantly, you turned around and looked straight in the midnight sky eyes of the black-dressed professor, whose cloak still billowed a bit behind him. His appearance was downright impressive, maybe a little intimidating even.

“I’m sorry, Professor. They didn’t cause the uproar. It was a rather internal affair…”, you said cautiously, since there was no way to anticipate his next step.

“My eyesight is well enough for I have discovered this by myself, but thank you...”, he replied with a sneer on his lips and you thought to see a flash of something else behind his gaze.

“However.”, he already went on and pierced the Gryffindors mercilessly. “The lot of them would know not to engage in such childish provocations and meddle in another school’s affairs if they weren’t so blinded by their house’s chivalry and nerve. Not to mention the need to always be the exception. Isn’t that correct, Potter?”, he drawled and there was no denying that Harry and the professor didn’t get along at all.

To your personal shock, Harry had indeed the nerve to retort. Didn’t the boy see that he was only proving the point made?

“Well, for your information, she was mocked for choosing other subjects instead of sticking with the typical Elfenstein curriculum. Especially potions… but next time, we gladly let someone who disrespects your _area of expertise_ run wild, Professor Snape!”, he spat, and his green eyes burned with fury.

“Shut up, mate!”, his red-haired friend whispered and stared intensely at his toast while your heart skipped again several beats.

It was not for Harry’s defence or his friend’s sense, but because you just had met Severus Snape in the least preferable way imaginable.

Your cheeks flushed and you could barely stand the way he eyed you up and down with blatant and predatorily curiosity. So much for starting as a blank sheet, you thought grimly.

“Detention, Potter.”, Severus Snape said coolly. Of course, someone like him wouldn’t get riled up by a teenager or lecture him in a desperate attempt to prove his authority. He simply possessed it.

“As for you… Ms…”

“Schwarz.”, you said quietly. “Or Black in English. I know my name is hard to pronounce and I don’t mind you using the translation.”

You shrunk at the sight of his clenched jaw, but after less than a second, his features softened again. Or maybe, your mind was already playing tricks on you.

“No need to be afraid already, Ms Black…”, he said, rolling out your English name. “Next time someone bothers you, kindly address to a staff member. I can guarantee that some of us know quite well how to deal with the inflated egos of adolescents.”

He did not need to point out that he was referring to both Leopold and Harry, even though they were pretty much unlike each other. Well, at least according to your experience.

Nodding and thanking him for the advice, you just saw Harry opening his mouth again, but this time, another voice stopped him from getting into more trouble.

“Ah, Professor Snape.”, Dr Grass exclaimed, followed by McGonagall who eyed her house’s students with great suspicion.

“Is she causing trouble already? I told you that you don’t need to be shy with her… She needs a firm hand and don’t be mislead by her looks or intelligence…”

“Orphans, I know... It’s not like we are not used to them at Hogwarts.”, he replied dryly, but the way his features hardened and he faced his colleagues, you sensed that he was not really sharing her opinion.

In fact, he spoke in between lines, just like he expressed his personal opinion in various potions journals. One just needed to be open-minded enough to get it.

“Severus…”, said McGonagall protectively while shooting a warning glare at Harry. Apparently, this had not been a rare encounter with the two of them.

“However, I rather have you not interfere with my way of dealing with wayward students, Dr Grass.”, Severus Snape sneered.

In the meantime, the now brimming Great Hall had gone stock-still and tried to listen to the argument with more or less subtlety. Even Leopold and a blond guy with cold eyes looked highly interested in your direction. Yesterday, as far as you could tell, Slytherin house hadn’t bothered to interact or acknowledge the other tables at all.

“In case you need reassurance or proof, I suggest you talk to the student body. I am positively convinced that I am not known for softheartedness; nor am I fooled by outer appearances.”, he continued and turned to the Gryffindors again, who were now all staring down on their plates.

“You better hurry up if you don’t want to be late for class. I’ll see you in potions.”

And he was gone with a billowing cloak, reminding you a bit of an overgrown bat.

++++++++

On your way to your first class at Hogwarts, ancient runes, you desperately tried to calm yourself.

It had taken less than twenty-four hours for you to be involved in a spectacle, get a nice guy into detention and being outed as an orphan.

Suppressing some tears of anger and disillusion, you noticed a tabby cat following you. Getting down to your knees, you almost fell backwards in shock as it suddenly transformed into a human being within a second.

Apparently, McGonagall was not only the transfiguration professor, but also an animagus.

“Ms Black, did I overhear correctly?”, she asked for pretence and her stern gaze disappeared when you smiled at her.

“I’m a little in a hurry, Professor.”, you said shyly and fidgeted with the school map you had been given in advance. “What can I do for you?”

“I know, my dear.”, she said lightly, as if you had known each other for ages. “I was just wondering if you wanted to attend transfiguration class as well. After all, your animagus skills are above average and I am sure that Dr Grass would love to see you keeping up with your school’s specialisation.”

So, that was the way the wind was blowing. You straightened your shoulders again and met her expecting glance with polite determination.

“I am sorry, Professor McGonagall.”, you said bluntly. “I do not wish to turn down my headmistress or you, but I feel like missing important opportunities by not selecting some of Hogwarts’ specialties.”

“But potions…”, she interjected, making you fight the urge to ask her if she really tried to entice you from her colleague’s subject.

“I have read some of Professor Snape’s articles in various magazines. He is known for an unchallenged approach to his subject and a unique competence. Since we don’t have the luxury of being taught by an experienced potions master at Elfenstein, my thirst for knowledge and interest in the subject simply cannot disregard this opportunity.”, you explained earnestly and hoped to get to her academic side.

Indeed, after a few seconds, an understanding sigh escaped her thin lips. She even patted you on your shoulder.

Given the serious state of her outer appearance, you would have never expected her to be his affectionate with students or anyone in general.

“It was worth a try, my dear. However, if you should fail Professor Snape’s orientation test on Friday, know that you are welcome to join me anytime.”, she grinned and transformed back to her cat form before you had the chance to say anything.

Overwhelmed by this strange conversation and the prospect of being tested by none other than Severus Snape, you hurried to the classroom and tried to control the shaking of your hands for the remainder of the day.

Something was already off and you were convinced that the different perspectives of everyone you had gotten to know thus far were not the only reason for it.


	4. In the Dungeons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a lunch break with the house of the snakes, we're finally off to our first potions class! :) Better be prepared! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of exposition, I promise! :)

The first four days went by in a blur. Fortunately, most of your schedule was identical to Cedric’s and his friend’s, who were all amazingly supportive and genuinely kind. Much like Harry and his friends, though far less impulsive and daring.

The Ravenclaws, who were often teamed up with Hufflepuff, seemed witty, creative and extremely intellectual, but no less kind. They just didn’t care as much about personal quarrels and rivalries as others.

After the first tough morning in the Great Hall, your friends and you didn’t want to ignore the younger Gryffindors by sticking with Hufflepuffs only and thus split up your meals between both houses. Neither of them seemed to mind, rather on the contrary, you quickly got under the impression that the two groups of domestic students also got to know each other better.

Even Leopold and Bernard had cooled down a little and insisted on introducing you to Slytherin house on Thursday, whose students appeared far more calculating, resourceful and closed as a group.

Due to their distanced attitude and traditional beliefs, they turned out to be not exactly as open-hearted and easily likeable as the other students indeed, but they weren’t outright repelling or hostile either. At least to foreigners and inter-house students.

During your lunch break with them, which was closely observed by all other houses, you couldn’t help but gasp when Malfoy, the teenage boy with the light-blond hair and steel-grey eyes, openly called Hermione a mudblood.

Jessica and Theo had pulled you down in an attempt to avoid a second fuss in a row. Inwardly sighing, you knew that such world views weren’t discussed over a meal, especially not after all you had heard about Slytherin and the first war in wizarding Britain. But it shook you nonetheless.

Therefore, you shrugged and mumbled something in general about believing that one’s descent should not determine one’s life, especially when it came to cultural or ethnical aspects of one’s family.

“Easy, beautiful, you don’t have to worry about nothing.”, said one boy from seventh grade called Chris Warrington, a coarse person without doubt, and eyed you with a predatory grin.

In contrast to the evenly determined Gryffindors, you knew that throwing a fit would only prove you emotionally vulnerable and therefore weak in their eyes. Hence, you lazily cocked and eyebrow, straightened your back and gestured unaffected with the fork in your hand.

“Care to elaborate?”, you asked coolly and smirked a little.

“You transform into a snake, a magnificent one on top, and according to Leo and Bernie, you are quite a powerful and resourceful witch. There’s hardly a chance that one of your parents or both were muggles.”, a younger girl named Parkinson chimed in and fluttered her eyelashes towards Leopold, apparently much to the dismay of the Malfoy-boy.

The whole house still looked ready to object and bite your head off after your remark, but to your surprise, the Malfoy-boy spoke up. As if by command, they all went silent.

“Don’t worry, Lillian. We didn’t mean to insult you, just because you were dropped at a Muggle orphanage and have a Squib brother. We just want to say that some people are keener on preserving our rare magical abilities than others.”, he explained with the same arrogant undertone that Leopold used so much as of late.

“We would feel honoured to help you. Besides, your facial features and grace clearly reveal a noble and worthy birth. You really have nothing to worry about. I’m Draco Malfoy, by the way; my father’s close with the Minister himself.”, he went on and offered his hand with a forced kind smile.

Maintaining your mask for one last moment, you stretched out your hand as well, but instead of shaking his, you gently rolled it up and put it back on the table. This was a fine line you operated on.

“Before you’re out for my neck, Draco Malfoy, hear me out. I appreciate your pride in wizarding traditions and understand the desire to sustain them... Then again, I find myself not particularly fond of people who insult others for something they have no influence over... Let’s talk another time... I’d like to say hello to the Gryffindors before classes continue. See you later.”, you said with an unmistakable seriousness in your voice while remaining completely serene.

++++++++

Still fuming because of the Slytherins and the slightly affronted reactions from the Gryffindors about you daring to sit on that table, you arrived just in time for Defence against the Dark Arts, taught by a rather paranoid but also unique and capable ex-auror named Moody.

In the last lessons, he had taught you much about major dark spells and the Unforgivable Curses, which were unsurprisingly identical to those in Germany. He even had demonstrated them on lab spiders. Today, however, he felt ready to go even further and test your personal ability to withstand the Imperius curse.

Apparently, all classes apart from first years had experienced that unusual and practical approach, but no one except for Harry and you had yet been able to fight off his attack completely. The Imperius felt weird, like something muffling your mind and pulling it up like a marionette, while a seductive voice whispered orders right into your ear.

You found it challenging to withstand, but not impossible, even after a lunch break like the one you just had. It could have also been for your experiments with mind shields, you thought indecisively, but delayed the musing when you felt Moody's prying gaze on you.

As feared, you were asked to stay behind after class and questioned about your former schedule in DADA. Furthermore, you were asked to guess why no one but you two had resisted the curse, although Moody hadn’t even tried particularly hard, at least according to his own words.

Cursing the loss of time, you quickly excused yourself as you were already late for potions. While you ran down to the dungeons and fortunately remembered the shortcut Cedric had told you about, a sudden flash of worry hit you.

Severus Snape was apparently regarded as the strictest and most unforgiving professor at the school with whom you had already gotten in contact due to rather unpleasant circumstances. Hopefully, he wouldn’t kick you out of his class for tardiness.

“Excuse me, Professor Snape.”, you said out of breath when you heard his stern _“Enter”_ from the other side of the door. “Professor Moody kept me back.”

Shyly, you stood in the middle of the damp classroom whose air was already enriched with thick blue steams. You got slightly worried by the varied colour spectrum until Severus Snape ripped you out of your thoughts.

“Well, well, Ms Black.”, he drawled and only then, you noticed that none of the other students dared to dart a glance at you. “And I thought you had given in the undoubtedly charming offer from my fellow colleague earlier this week.”

He pointed at an empty place right in front of his desk and with a flick of his wand, instructions and ingredients appeared on the blackboard.

“That makes ten inches about timing in both potions and Defence against the Dark Arts, Ms Black. On my desk by tomorrow morning... As for you all…”, he addressed the whole class now.

“You find everything you need on the board. Take a sharp look at your cauldron for that you figure out what is wrong with its content and fix it. To give you a fair chance, this is not a potion from your current curriculum and if you have become a bunch of dunderheads overnight again, well… at least try to put two and two together. Help will await you in the end. You have one hour.”

The whole dungeon classroom shook under his words and you had to admit that the rumours you had heard about Severus Snape as a teacher, particularly from the Gryffindors, had not been too exaggerated at all. Fortunately, you were still too dumbfounded to react actively.

Instead, focusing perseveringly on why you had chosen this class, gave you strength to calm down a little. You longed for the exhausted bliss that you usually were left in after an intense and experimental brewing session and right now, you had an actual potion to take care of.

Ambition filled you and fuelled your passion; nothing was able to stop you now. Within two minutes’ time, you first memorised the scrawly handwriting on the board instead of staring holes into your cauldron like others did.

Ground Scarab Beetles and Armadillo bile were the only ingredients indicated, whereas the brewing instructions focused on neutralizing other substances like leswing flies and powdered fire crabs – of course without explicitly mentioning their names but the general product category only.

Again, the potions master had you read and think between the lines. You smiled in relief as it took you not more than five minutes to figure the riddle out. Calmly, you took all you needed from the open storage cupboard and got to work. After Moody, Hagrid and Sinistra, this was the fourth class with an entirely new approach to the subject. You already loved Hogwarts for its different mindset.

Naturally, you completely got lost in your work and when you completed the fixed Wit-Sharpening Potion with a wave of your wand, you quietly snorted since Severus Snape had given you all a twisted hint in his opening speech already.

“How did you do that?”, asked a sweat-soaked Cedric who struggled with a newt spleen. There were ten minutes left and Cedric could succeed if he had a hand to help him. He was rather bright and hardworking, he deserved to accomplish his task.

“Sir?”, you asked therefore and waited for Severus Snape to lift his head from red-marked essays, likely the homework of some unlucky fellows. He cocked an eyebrow and pierced you with his eyes – an unconventional permission to speak.

“I am finished, and Cedric has figured the riddle out, too, but time runs out to complete the brewing process. May I assist him, please?”

The moment your words were out, the class of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs froze while Severus Snape’s features remained unchanged.

In your eyes, the way he strode from his desk behind you betrayed something that you would have listed in between scepticism and curiosity. He inspected your cauldron and looked at your scrabbled notes as if searching for the tiniest mistake before giving you a sharp nod and returning wordlessly to his desk.

When a bell rang and you were told to bottle a sample of your work, Cedric smiled gratefully at you, but didn’t feel the need to wait. From the corner of your eyes, you saw the same Ravenclaw girl waiting outside the classroom who showed up suspiciously often wherever he was.

Hiding your smirk behind your dark red locks, you quickly cleaned your ivory white frock coat and turned to leave.

“Black, stay behind.”, a dark voice barked when you were already halfway out, immediately banishing all happiness for Cedric. With a thumping heart in your chest, you waved your comrades goodbye and promised to meet them later in your caravan.

You groaned a little as you realized in which state you were likely to talk to Severus Snape now. The fumes had left you with an untameable mop of hair, your skin was most likely no less wet and greasy and the gnawing on your lower lip from focusing too hard must have left a mark on it.

Under normal circumstances, none of this left you worried or panicky, but right now, you cursed the superficial effects of potions on your body for the first time ever.

You had talked to teachers and important people before, you had brewed before, you knew that every decent potions master was naturally aware of the impacts of potions on everybody’s outer appearance. Angry with yourself, the unexplainable nervousness and childish behaviour, you forced yourself to look up and get through with this as quick as possible.

“How long have you been brewing?”, you were asked. Apparently, Severus Snape had the same idea as Moody, albeit his question was much calmer and less brisk. He seemed genuinely interested which you hadn't generally noticed among the staff so far, especially regarding McGonagall’s stunt and the previous auror-like interrogation with Moody.

This time, you felt much more comfortable without someone looking around in paranoia, crying out every few words and having a scary magical eye. Not to mention the weird flick of Moody’s tongue and the foul-looking hip flask.

It was indeed a shame that Elfenstein students had not been allowed to bring their familiars to Hogwarts. You were too curious what Mowgli, your scaly pet, would think of your new surroundings and human contacts.

“At school for seven years and in private a little longer than four years.”, you finally replied with caution, not knowing as to where this conversation headed. Putting a stray curl behind your ear and facing the black eyes with pretended self-confidence, you waited equally long for an answer.

“You didn’t look twice at the board, nor did you consult the book or any Hogwarts student. In fact, you improvised a lot without making a mistake. Have you worked on similar tasks before?”, he concluded with his silky voice.

You shook your head and when he asked to look at your notes from Elfenstein, that you had carried alongside your book, you used the moment of distraction to watch him closer. Who else got the chance to be this close to _the_ potions master of the century, who just had asked to take a look at _your_ notes? You were absolutely flattered.

Severus Snape as a man was not generally pleasant or beautiful, at least according to common standards. Being relatively tall, the lean frame, which was clearly visible despite his black cloak and thick black frock coat, gave him quite a fragile appearance.

The sallow, nearly yellowish colour of his skin had you worry a little whether his immune system was constantly battling something or he got out of the dungeons on too few occasions. Maybe both, you mused, since he didn’t appear fond of many things and people.

Standing two feet away from each other, you saw why many students – except for those of his own house, of course – called him unofficially 'the greasy bastard'. Shoulder-length, the raven black hair was extremely thin and therefore much more affected by potions fumes and dampness.

It fell like lank curtains into his face, but you caught yourself not minding at all. In fact, it looked a little venturous to you, just like you would picture any brooding craftsman.

Same for his thick black eyebrows, which stood in a nice contrast to the striking cheekbones, prominent jaw, hooked nose and pale thin lips. His facial features only added to the intensity of those adorable pitch-black eyes you couldn’t forget about. You were ready to get lost in them anytime.

Severus Snape maybe was not angelic, but shared a unique, pure and rare beauty instead. In combination with his wit, intelligence and sonorous voice, he was by far the most intoxicating man you had ever met.

Too late, you recognized the crush you had developed on him in four days only and the way you had been bluntly staring at him, although he had already finished scanning through your notes.

“Yes, Ms Black?”, he asked clearly annoyed and apparently offended.

Embarrassed by your own unfamiliar behaviour, you blushed and tried to say something, but mere stammers slipped your tongue. This was not going well at all and before you could understand what you had gotten yourself into, he shushed you brusquely.

“Whatever it is you would like to say, Ms Black, I suggest you open your mouth now and actually speak English.”, he bellowed and bared his dark white and crooked teeth. “Whatever funny nickname it is may be that your little Gryffindors friends are working on, rest assured that I am well aware of the way I look-“

“Captivating. You look captivating…”, you blurted and slammed a hand on your mouth. The whole situation was officially reaching a dangerous point.

“I am sorry, Professor Snape, it just came out of my mouth, I couldn’t help myself. I.. I am... I am sorry, Sir, really, I am.”, you quickly said. Now that literal cat was out of the bag, you could as well be honest and take the well-deserved reprimand.

Your world spun as you realized that it was now up to him to splutter words and syllables that made no sense apart from “confused” and “out of her mind”.

Taking your potions notes back to change the subject, the light brush of your fingers against his only made it worse as a radiant spark of light set off inside you. Quickly checking your mind shields, you discovered that they were barely functioning and replaced by a silly, awestruck smile on your face, supported by flushed cheeks.

Too embarrassed to go on, you turned your gaze away from him. Dr Grass would be out thrice for your neck by now.

“I am so sorry, Professor. I didn’t mean to humiliate you or…”, you begged and fought off the urge to cry in despair.

“I can tell.”, he simply interrupted, and you halted.

Throughout those past moments, his entire composure had remained unchanged, except for his previous spluttering. Only heaven knew how he managed to do that, you thought, and noticed how he was facing you again after two long strides, immediately searching for your eyes like a mind reader getting ready to work.

“Ms Black, calm down at once or else, I will force a calming draught down your throat.”, he said determined, but his voice lacked of venom and sharpness.

“I have never done this before, but given the fact that you are on every teacher’s target list because of a somehow suspicious general talent, I merely wanted to ask if you would want to assist me with extracurricular brewing… likeinbecomingmyassistant…”, he mumbled and seemed equally uncomfortable with the evolution of your situation.

You blinked at least twice, even pinched your arm to make sure that you were not dreaming and at a total loss of words, all you could manage was a frantic nod. Suddenly, the dungeons had become quite warm.

“Good.”, said Severus Snape and had his articulation under control again, at least until he recognized your shock-frozen state.

“Sweet Circe, girl, get a hold on yourself. It’s just me and potions… not like I’m offering that suicidal Fourwizard Cup or something special.”, he barked and brought you finally back to reality.

“Thank you, Sir.”, you whispered with weak knees, still processing of what just happened.

It was the least of your intentions to think badly of Dr Grass and her teachers in general, but you could never remember someone approaching you and offering you extra promotion in one of your strongest subjects.

Apart from transfiguration, anything was secondary at Elfenstein, and the few private study periods you had been granted were the result of gruelling arguments only.

During your brooding, the potions master had gone back behind his desk and watched you carefully as if rechecking on his decision.

“Neither have I ever accepted an assistant before, nor am I likely to do so again, given the sorry content of those parchment rolls... What I want to say is; just don’t brag about it.”, he said disgruntledly and vanished the rolls into thin air with a lazy movement of his wand.

The both of you looked at each other for a pleasant moment of unspoken curiosity and enthusiasm, despite the rather unconventional and awkward minutes before. Suddenly, his hollow cheeks blushed a little. Inwardly cursing again, you wondered what else this day had in mind for you.

“Now that this has been taken care of... As my assistant, you may call me Severus outside classes. We won’t have time to waste on phrases of civility... Some of those notes are quite… unique.”, he added matter-of-factly, but something that resembled a smile appeared on his lips.

Christ, something was off with the Brits in general, you were sure of that. And the putting of your name in the Goblet of Fire and start of the tournament were yet to come.

You were just about to answer when single steps approached the classroom, loudly echoing in the cold and empty dungeon corridors. Apparently, you had been Severus’ last class for today.

“Severus!!! Uncle Severus, there’s a… oh, I didn’t know _she_ was here … well, Professor, there’s a black basilisk in the abandoned girl’s lavatory and Potter’s going nuts again… he’s not done any harm yet but who knows…”, squealed an overly-excited Draco Malfoy and smirked far too vicious and self-satisfied for his age.

Your blood froze and before you had regained control over your body, a loud screech from you shook the Slytherin teacher and boy to their cores.

“Bet you’re happy to be in _our_ company now, eh?”, Malfoy sneered in apparent triumph over Harry.

“Manners, Draco…”, Severus reprimanded him, but it sounded like a mere slap on the wrist. After all you had seen so far, Harry would not have gotten away with that for sure.

But this was not your problem now. A black basilisk, ergo a youngling, was roaming the castle and since you knew by now all about the approved pet animals which students could bring to Hogwarts, this could only mean that…

“FUCK!”, you yelled, causing the two Slytherins to jump again. Swaying on the spot, a slender but strong hand dragged you to one of the student tables in order to stabilize yourself a little.

“What about her manners?”, Malfoy whined and didn’t even think of backing off as any sane person would have done after the death glare Severus shot in his direction.

“What’s wrong, Ms Black? We’ve had worse than that, believe me…”, he asked warily, before turning on his heel once more. “Draco; get your fellow house mates and go to your common room. NOW!”

Finally, the boy behaved like a normal kid instead of a wannabe grown-up from the Victorian age and ran off. You waited until the slimy blond head was well out of sight and faced your new mentor in terror.

Voice shaking, it took a moment for you to summon your courage to admit an inconvenient truth. Not matter what happened next, Severus’ reaction would be the least of your fears and worries.

“Don’t freak out, Prof-... Severus, but it seems like my familiar has sneaked into my belongings and came with me to Hogwarts. He’s tamed and I bewitched his eyes to suppress the killing glare, but he still is… well… a basilisk.”, you said and couldn’t hold back tears of despair any longer.

You had been cursed. Someone simply didn’t want you to live a quiet life or happy moment at all. And worse, nobody but you could truly handle Mowgli, your significant foundling, because no one would understand him.

While you were lost in thoughts, Severus dragged you away from the table and shoved you through the door.

“Quick!”, he said and sped up. “We better hurry if that snake is truly yours. Potter’s already slayed one two years ago and trust me, you don’t want to know what else he has been capable of in the meantime.”

With every step towards said lavatory, you felt like your life had officially and completely gone downhill.


	5. The Foundling and the Five Champions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While your future at Hogwarts is at stake, your friends put their names in the Goblet of Fire in great anticipation. On Halloween, the school champions are finally chosen and for the first time in days, it seems like you may not be the only center of attention.

Even if you were to get alone to the abandoned girl’s lavatory, whose location in the immense castle was still unknown to you, it wouldn’t be that hard to find, because the moment you entered the second floor, minor clusters of people already filled the corridors, whispering indistinctive sentences.

Apparently delighted with the situation, a ghost-like figure with an orange bow tie, a bell-covered hat and a mischievous grin on his face hovered in the air and shouting odd rhymes in sheer excitement.

“Peeves, our poltergeist. Better avoid being near him.”, Severus said sternly and didn’t even need to tell the students to pave the way of as they jumped voluntarily out of his reach. In front of an old and poor-looking lavatory, however, a red and golden shining cluster had formed and blocked the sight.

“Ohhhh, Professor Snape…”, a ghost of a girl who didn’t look older than seventeen chimed in and giggled in a high-pitched voice, before she apparently suffered from a panic attack and chased with hysterical howls and moans after some retreating Gryffindors.

Untouched, Severus took advantage of the rather annoying distraction and pushed you through the remaining crowd until you stood in front of octagonal washbasin which looked extremely deformed, as though someone had bewitched it to uncover an entrance to the piping system of Hogwarts.

“Potter!”, Severus snarled at Harry, who was kneeling dangerously close to the black bottomless pit and unfortunately, he caught him so off-guard that the poor boy had indeed to be dragged back on the stone floor.

“Get off me!”, Harry shouted in self-defence and the angry flash in his green eyes immediately turned into something relieved and happy when he realized that he was not alone with the potions master.

Just when Severus was about to berate him for his undeniable lack of respect, the sound of approaching steps at a run echoed through the meanwhile cleared corridor.

“Ah Severus, good to see you…” It was McGonagall’s voice which caused Harry to breathe out and Severus to let him drop immediately. Unfortunately, her bootees had not been the only source of noise and when a heavy gasping sound of another woman joined the tensed atmosphere, you didn’t need to turn around to know that McGonagall had been hanging out with Dr Grass, of all people.

“There are rumours of a basilisk among the students. It is causing a havoc and I don’t understand why – Potter?! What in Merlin’s name are you doing here?”, the deputy headmistress said reproachfully, her voice thick with something you couldn’t identify.

Harry, who had sought a hiding place right behind you, blushed and shrunk at the equally stern gazes of the three teachers. Before he was able to explain anything, more staff members showed up, looking highly alarmed, and eyed both Harry and you with great suspicion.

“No, Minerva, wait a moment. When it comes to basilisks, I am afraid that Lillian is the person we should ask first.”, Dr Grass interjected and you didn’t have to look at her face to know that you were in serious trouble.

Suddenly, the sound of something sliding and crawling echoed from the immense pipe that laid bare and a second later, the black and lizard-like head of a snake peeked up behind a single basin.

 _“Took you long enough, mum.”,_ it hissed and accidently bared its razor-sharp fangs, causing everyone, except for Dr Grass, Harry and you, to cringe and back off. Even Severus lined up with McGonagall, his wand at the ready.

_“I told you to stay hidden.”_

_“I told you to stay with Orion, Mowgli.”_

When Harry and you hissed back at the reptile which, completely unimpressed by the audience, simply wriggled towards you and curled around your body until its snout was close enough to your face to give you a moist kiss, the both of you stared at each other in utter disbelief.

 _“You’re a speaker.”,_ you exclaimed simultaneously in Parseltongue and ignored for a brief moment the intensified cringes of your teachers.

 _“I told you, Harry… I told you my mum’s one, too…”,_ Mowgli hissed happily and nudged his head against Harry, who patted it in an attempt to calm him down. _“Next time, just tell me her real name, will you?”,_ he replied grinning.

 _“Mowgli, darling… Do you realize how much we are in trouble now? How did you even come here? Why didn't you tell me earlier?”,_ you asked your familiar and felt tears welling up again. Being allowed to keep Mowgli had been a fight of its own kind already, but you had promised Dr Grass to leave him with your brother during your absence, given the fact that basilisks were feared all over the world.

 _“_ WILL YOU SPEAK ENGLISH AT ONCE!”, your headmistress cut you off and if you didn’t know better, her current gaze could indeed rival an average killing glare of Mowgli’s kind.

“I am sure there is an explanation, Dr Grass. You know, whenever Potter is involved, one usually finds a reason for everything… abnormal going on.”, Severus said smoothly, while the tiny Flitwick hid behind his cloak and Hagrid looked over his shoulder in awe. He completely ignored you and the humming snake around your tall and slender body, but pierced Harry in a mixture of disgust and contempt.

“Well, Mr Potter… since the students were talking about you, not Ms Black, I think you owe us indeed an explanation.”, McGonagall said with finality in her voice. To your relief, Dr Grass didn’t dare to contradict her.

Harry, who seemed more comfortable now, started talking. About finding the youngling on the grounds, about finding out that he had hidden under the eaves of a caravan because he couldn’t stand being separated from his human mother so long and that he had gotten lost during one of his discovery tours on the grounds. Today, something magical, as Harry put it, had drawn him to the entrance of the infamous Chamber of Secrets.

“The Chamber of Secrets is an ancient legend.”, Dr Grass interrupted coldly, before she noticed the frantic shaking of her fellow colleagues’ heads. Minerva quickly whispered something in her ear. She significantly paled, whereas you got more confused by the minute and Mowgli, sensing your distress, rubbed his head affectionately against your upper body.

“But he’s not a problem, is he?”, Hagrid boomed and pointed at your snake of two meters length, who waved the end of his tail in appreciation, even though he had no clue what they were talking about. “I mean, we’re still standing here… no one’s been petrified or murdered…”

Some of the professors nodded in agreement, while others still seemed shocked to their core. To make it worse, Karkaroff and Maxime just joined the odd gathering and looked just as worried and confused.

“I bewitched his eyes to block the killing glare permanently. It causes Mowgli to see black, white and shades of grey only, but he can also tell should the spell ever wear off. It hasn’t until this day, not even after moults.”, you admitted in a terrified whisper.

“Impressive. Very impressive.”, squeaked Flitwick and even approached you a little bit. Curious, Mowgli bent over and allowed him to pet the horned top of his head. Second by second, the other staff members relaxed a little.

“Where did you get him?”

“How was he tamed?”

“Which spells did you use?”

“He really seems well-behaved. Look, he waves at us! Wait – was that a wink?!”

The chatter of curious professors grew louder and louder and neither Harry nor you were able to process the immense change in the atmosphere. Openly gawking at the high-spirited crowd of experienced witches and wizards, the sudden movement of a stout woman reminded them all why they were here.

“Enough!”, yelled Dr Grass and turned slowly to you. “Lillian was capable of taming the beast, but nevertheless, she is my student and since she has broken her promise, Mowgli and her will return to Elfenstein tomorrow morning. She needs to be protected from anything abnormal and unpredictable and therefore, I daresay that she better not enter the Fourwizard Tournament and complete her studies at home instead.”

Even before she had finished her last sentence, you felt all colour drain from your face and body, only to be replaced by a light tremor of shame, despair and sadness. All you ever wanted was a blank sheet; a fresh start to show people who you really were and not have them see all the unusualness that seemed attracted to you like a moth to a flame.

“They may stay as long as they want to.”

A cold and powerful voice sounded from the end of the crowd. Albus Dumbledore himself had come or, more likely, been there all the time. Staring on the ground and blinking away more tears that clouded your sight, you felt Harry shifting closer to you and squeezing your hand supportively.

 _“My friend Harry’s relieved that the old man has shown up. Don’t worry, mum, I’ll be on my best manners.”_ , Mowgli murmured in muffled sounds from the ground.

Without waiting for an answer, he already zigzagged between legs and shoes until he raised in front of Dumbledore. Mowgli looked him deep in the eyes, bowed his head and while sinking down, offered him the end of his tail as a handshake.

The magnificence, bravery and wisdom of Albus Dumbledore sent another shockwave through your body. Instead of defending himself as precaution, he just watched Mowgli’s behaviour before ambling through the line the teachers formed.

“Professor Dumbledore, may I remind you that-“, Dr Grass contradicted him and even crossed her arms.

“That you, as her headmistress, have indeed the right to ban her from taking part in the Tournament. Although, as headmaster of Hogwarts, it is my pleasure to decide who will stay on these grounds and who is asked to leave.”

“Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on lightly, “is a place for creativity, learning and exploration; a place to expand one’s own and the magical horizon while still being protected; a place to call home. Since Ms Black appears to fit in with several houses, not to mention your own selection of students, I would like her to stay here and add to the diversity of our school. And, after all, the powerful gift that is magic knows no boundaries and never ceases to surprise us.”

Dumbledore halted half a meter in front of you and cradled Mowgli’s neck with his long fingers, all decorated with the wildest combination of rather eccentric rings. It only increased the ringing of blood in your ears and you considered for a moment to jump right into the open pipe and simply disappear.

Causing an open disagreement between your headmistress and Albus Dumbledore was the least thing on earth you had ever wanted to be responsible for.

“But the rules we agreed on prior to our departure…”, Dr Grass insisted.

“…maybe should have been discussed with the snake in Parseltongue to see if they were complying with the pet’s nature.”, Dumbledore said mildly and smiled at Dr Grass before his bright blue eyes met yours, green and wide with terror.

“Tell us about your familiar, Ms Black. I’m afraid that no one but you two” – he winked at Harry – “possess the rare talent to speak with snakes.”, he said you and despite your shaken state, you didn’t miss the curiosity and intensity that surrounded him while he examined every single feature and movement on your face.

Trying to stop one eyebrow from raising up high, you cleared your throat and forced yourself to be strong and brave, like Harry seemed to be naturally.

“He’s called Mowgli, Sir.”, you replied.

“Mowgli like in Mowgli, the foundling from the ‘The Jungle Book”?”, the muggle studies teacher, Professor Burbage, chimed in excitedly and pulled a face after Severus’ poked her side harshly. He rolled his eyes and encouraged you to go on with a barely noticeable nod.

“Yes, ma’am, I found him about three years ago, right before he hatched. My brother and I both can talk to snakes and it thankfully warned us about the glare. He’s the closest to me and never attacked anybody, I swear. He always says that his kind would need explicit order to do so. In fact, he’s quite playful and curious, just like all younglings and toddlers. His body language is usually unmistakable during his interactions with humans. He loves chicken eggs and beef, in case one of you would like to grow closer to him.”, you concluded and saw Hagrid already rummaging his pockets for said treats. A faint smile showed on your lips.

“Apart from his abnormal race, he poses no threat. Lillian’s done a good job in raising him; the snake behaves better than most muggle dogs these days.”, Dr Grass finished with a sharp nod and turned to you once more. “However, I still think that the foreign environment and number of students could trouble him. You are to return on Sunday, Lillian. I am very sorry, Professor Dumbledore, but she is my student, regardless of the ground we are standing on.”

Harry was about to argue until the sight of McGonagall and Severus stopped him. Truth be told, it was a little wonder that he had kept his tongue in check for this long.

“As much as I support consistent education, Dr Grass, but there is another thing preventing Ms Black from leaving.”, said Severus out of the blue. His eyes glistened with something close to possession and greed while McGonagall shot you both a frown before eyeing only him in sheer disgust.

“Ms Black accepted the offer to become my assistant alongside her studies, just before the incident with Potter. I won’t have a talent like hers wasted in a school focused on transfiguration – no offence, please. To appease you, Dr Grass, I suggest that Ms Black will also teach students about basilisks and enlighten the staff on how exactly she took away the reptile’s lethal glare. A little extra work to prevent her from being out of line in the future.”, he said as slippery as an eel, barely hiding the smug grin on his face.

Approving murmurs were heard among the staff member, even McGonagall looked satisfied. Dr Grass, who seemed to think highly of Severus, eyed you for a torturous moment before nodding ever so slowly. “No participation in the Tournament, excellent marks and no complains about your extra work. Do I make myself clear, Lillian Alhena Schwarz?!”, she bellowed.

“Yes, ma’am.”, you said while Mowgli was still listening to Harry’s quick summary. Only then you realized how quiet the whole room had gone and apparently, the whole staff of Hogwarts stared at Severus with their mouths wide open. Dumbledore just chuckled and winked at you before he left as soundlessly as he had arrived.

 _“And Snape made her stay because she’s become his assistant and that’s a wond– wait, YOU WHAT?!”,_ screamed Harry suddenly and you could see the lack of understanding shining through his eyes.

However, McGonagall told you to close the opening of the Chamber of Secrets and leave at once before you could explain yourself. Promising him to meet him right after the upcoming election of the school champions, Mowgli and you quickly headed to your caravan. You needed to talk to your friends.

++++++++

The election of the school champions was set on Halloween, a Saturday this year and apparently a day worth making a fuss out of the Great Hall with countless floating pumpkins, enchanted fake bats and cobwebbed candles instead of the regular ones.

As it turned out, the International Organization had made a wise decision in giving the foreign students a week time to become acclimatized with the new school, people and daily routine, because on this evening, there were students of Durmstrang, Beauxbatons and Elfenstein sitting wildly mixed at all house tables.

Next to you, Theo and Jessica had placed themselves as some sort of bodyguards since even Mr Filch, the grumpy caretaker, knew about your basilisk and assistant post. The news had caused an uproar among all schools and houses, fuelled by the wildest rumours like Harry and you plotting to continue the legend of the Chamber of Secrets.

In fact, the last day and whole Saturday morning had felt a bit like a gauntlet, at least until you had brought Mowgli to Hagrid and explored the grounds together.

Leopold, whose relation with Mowgli was based on a mutual but harmless dislike, looked like a cat who got the cream ever since Dr Grass told them about your ban from the Tournament. Cedric, who sat opposite you, looked rather relieved, too.

“I wouldn’t want to compete with someone who tamed a basilisk at the age of seventeen!”, he just shrugged while Viktor Krum, the Hungarian seeker and Fleur Delacour, a Veela-like girl from France, nodded in heavy agreement. They both were their respective schools’ favourites, just like Cedric, and it made you feel terribly misplaced.

Moreover, you inwardly preferred Angelina from Gryffindor house, to be honest, despite Cedric’s kindness and intelligence. Angelina just was a combined force of nature, just like the Atlantic Ocean: both beautiful, strong and wild.

 _“Mum?”,_ hissed Mowgli suddenly from the ground after returning from the Gryffindors, who were surprisingly head over heels with him. _“May I say the professor who saved us hello, please? Harry says he’s a meanie but also the chief of the local snakes, so I’m…”_

 _“Curious, I know… Go then, but don’t pester him and be gentle. He doesn’t understand you.”_ , you hissed back and briefly kissed the crown of his head. While Mowgli made his way through the hall, Jessica and Theo quickly told the others some more stories of him and when they proclaimed themselves as the proudest godpetparents in the world, the whole table roared with laughter.

Unfortunately, Mowgli’s timing couldn’t have been worse as suddenly, the winged doors opened and an escort party of the Ministry entered alongside all headmasters. Severus, who had dismissed your gratitude with a shrug and an inaudible stammering earlier this day, locked his eyes with yours for a moment and signalled you with a short nod that Mowgli could stay with him until the fuss was over.

Naturally, the Head of Department of International Magical Cooperation, Barthemius Crouch, had to give a speech that was almost as long as Dumbledore’s beard if Severus’ spidery handwriting had written it out. It was going to be a long night again.

When the Goblet of Fire with its magnificent blue flames finally spit out the names of the champions, a huge weight was suddenly lifted off your shoulders.

Now that you were out of Leopold’s hunting grounds, there was a chance to have a bit of peace on this side at least. Furthermore, with your assistantship, Mowgli to look after, classes to teach and performance pressure to achieve highest marks, it was probably for the best that you wouldn’t have to worry about surviving that Tournament.

Fleur Delacour was indeed chosen as the champion for Beauxbatons and the Great Hall was filled with joy and cheers once she got up and disappeared through a small door behind the staff’s table. She was beyond beautiful and had the grace of a goddess, albeit behaving a little distanced at times.

Mere moments later, Viktor Krum joined Fleur and his headmaster Karkaroff, who had a rather uncomfortable aura in your eyes, had his other students do a standing ovation which vast parts of the Slytherins joined in. 

You hadn't missed the open stares from everyone whenever Krum showed up. As if his seeker talent was the actual reason for his election. Viktor Krum, always being a little brusque, could be seen frequently in the library where he studied, just like you, several subjects at once.

“… Leopold Grossmann!”, Dumbledore shouted once he had caught the neatly folded paper which the Goblet of Fire just had bolted into the air. Smiling and cheering like your fellow classmates, you got up on your feet and watched Leopold disappear with a smirk on his face.

Although Jessica and Theo were just as capable as him, Leopold was simply equipped with a broad self-confidence your two best friends lacked of. In fact, they preferred staying in the background, just like you, which was probably the least champion-like quality of all.

Compassionately hugging the two of them, they were eager to assure you that now, they would have more spare time to take care of Mowgli and study with you and the Hufflepuffs. Jessica looked disappointed and even a little afraid of her parents’ reaction, but a simple pat on her shoulder from Cedric made her beam again.

Speaking of the young man, the entire Great Hall had gone silent as it was now time to reveal the champion for Hogwarts. While most eye pairs pierced Cedric in expectation, the Slytherins collectively focused on Warrington. Many of the Gryffindor students smiled excitedly at Angelina, especially one of the Weasley twins whose grey beards and hair had disappeared after a rather entertaining attempt to outsmart Dumbledore’s age line.

“The champion for Hogwarts is… Cedric Diggory!”, proclaimed Dumbledore a second later and you couldn’t help but cheer much louder for him than for Leopold. With all students on their feet, there was little chance of Dr Grass seeing you like this anyway.

Cedric hugged the lot of you, smiling overwhelmed from one ear to the other, and secretly squeezed the Ravenclaw’s hand which immediately led to a relieved expression on Theo’s face.

The Great Hall had not entirely calmed down when the Goblet of Fire suddenly lightened up a fifth time and spit out another piece of parchment like the Hogwarts students had been told to use only.

Frowning, you pushed aside the suspicious and uneasy gut feeling, and carefully studied the no less shocked faces of Dumbledore and the Ministry representants.

“Did somebody tamper with the Goblet?”, whispered Jessica and as much as you hated gossiping about suspicions, you couldn’t deny the truth of her question that hung in the air like a Sword of Damocles.

“Harry Potter.”

There was no way you could have heard Dumbledore’s murmur correctly. No, Harry was fourteen, he had by far not the maturity to join a tournament like this and since Fred and George Weasley, creative and gifted wizards, couldn’t fool the age line, it was impossible for him to trick the Goblet of Fire.

“Harry Potter.”

“HARRY POTTER.”

The murmurs and shouts for his name grew louder, as did the hisses and disdainful scoffs from many Hufflepuffs. When Ron shifted a little on the neighbour table, you could finally catch a glimpse of Harry, whose demeanour showed nothing but terror, fear and cluelessness of what was going on.

Supressing the urge to walk towards him, take him by his hand and reassure him that everything would be alright, that it was all a bad joke, you distracted yourself by searching for Severus and Mowgli on the staff’s table.

Noticing the outraged facial expression of Dr Grass, Madame Maxime and Karkaroff, as well as of some Ministry people, you knew that something unplanned and apparently really bad had happened.

Finally, Harry got up and turned to a shock-frozen Dumbledore, from where McGonagall quickly guided him out of the hall to the other champions, a clear worried look on her otherwise stern face.

Severus, who had also gotten up from his chair, seemed to struggle with his usually cold and distanced mask he wore in public, wildly gestured at something on the ground. Of course, Mowgli couldn’t stay with him now as there were many things to discuss.

Unfortunately, your snake had other plans and instead of obeying his distinctive hand gesture towards you, he just winded around Severus’ torso and rested his head on a shoulder. So much for understanding human body language and behaving according to it.

“Shall we go fetch him?”, Jessica asked while the tumult around you dominated the scene. Everybody was busy talking about what they just had witnessed. When you searched for Severus again, he was nowhere to be seen, just like McGonagall, Moody, Dumbledore and the most important Ministry people.

“This is outrageous!”, a Hufflepuff seventh year shouted. “Of course, bloody Harry Potter must steal the show…”

“Wonder how he tricked the Goblet… maybe some leftover powers from You-Know-Who…”

“Causing two teachers to disappear and slaying a fully grown basilisk… I guess he got bored…”

The more the weirdest and hostile speculations grew, the more your own patience and self-control vanished. It was unbelievable how quick the rightly baffled students worked themselves into the wildest theories, but couldn’t they think at least of other reasons for the happening than an alleged malicious intent from a child who was famous for suriving a curse that should have slaughtered him like his parents?

Suddenly, a cool and scaly snout nudged your back. Mowgli had returned from only Merlin knew where.


	6. Seeing a Difference

The days following the election put everyone’s nerves on the edge. The scandal of having two Hogwarts champions clearly dampened the mood and slowed down the interactions between the four school as the former excitement and open-heartedness were replaced by mistrust and suspicion.

Even the teachers interacted more distanced and coolly with their respective colleagues, making Dumbledore’s speech about bonding over magical exceptions and learning from them together sound hollow and cynical. Even worse, when the Great Hall was crowded the most, usually during peak meal times, it felt like the four schools and communities had grown apart.

Naturally, you were bound to assist Leopold whenever he requested your help and advice on the first task, but also Cedric was regularly looking for you and bombarded you with questions about bravery and how you would test someone on this special trait.

Krum, on the other side, asked you for a principally enjoyable flight training on the pitch until it also ended up in yet another inquiry-response-cycle. Fortunately, his education and knowledge of the Dark Arts added a certain depth and philosophical insight to the otherwise just as aimless talk.

Even Fleur, with who you shared the weakest connection, actively reached out to you as you had ‘a magnificence worthy of any Beauxbatons student, but also possessed a raw and wild side' that she thought useful to know regarding her chances as the only female champion.

In between classes, the watchful eyes of Dr Grass and every single teacher on the grounds, Mowgli and preparations for your assistant job, you tried your best to give the four official champions some sort of insight, despite your growing irritation.

Did they expect you to know about the task because of your assistance to Severus, who was not even actively involved in the tournament and whose house did not host one of the two champions? Apart from that, it was not like the Goblet of Fire had spat out your name as general assistant and suggestion box. Not that Dr Grass would have agreed on such terms, anyway.

Once you spotted Harry eating alone for the second time in a row, your heart shattered into pieces. Of all people, it was obvious that he suffered the most from the unforeseeable change of events which, as you quickly discovered, had led to a stalemate between his best friend Ron and him.

“He’ll come around, Harry.”, you said and pulled him into a tight hug. His unruly black hair quickly entangled with your thick red curls, causing some sort of isolation in which he allowed himself a moment of silent sobbing and resting his forehead on your shoulder.

Sensing a glow on one particular spot on your shoulder, he further admitted that his scar was hurting worse than ever and even hindered him from thinking straight and less impulsive. The poor boy seemed never granted a moment of peace and standard.

Soon after the incident at the very beginning of the week, the both of you met regularly to study with Hermione in the library or discuss the rights of house-elves, walk Mowgli outside and talk in abandoned places of the castle or the safety of your caravan, where he enlightened you on his three years at Hogwarts.

At least ever since Harry attended Hogwarts, you realized, not a single month had passed which could be considered as magically average. Abnormalities found Harry even quicker and at a much higher frequency than they got to you, and unfortunately, Harry’s daring, nerve and chivalry only reinforced the likeliness of such happenings.

His first three years basically consisted of tracking down a stone he should have never even heard of and facing Lord Voldemort at the back of his teacher, fighting the demon of a bewitched diary and its fully grown basilisk and finding out about his framed godfather, and the true betrayer of his parents while he also befriended a teacher-werewolf, who had been part of the so-called 'Marauders' as well.

Hogwarts was keeping you on your toes and you couldn’t help but catch yourself musing more often than not about all the things Harry had revealed to you.

Together, you successfully managed to evade bigger confrontation with students and still meet your friends and those, who didn’t think of Harry as a neurotic bragger and you as a weird orphan with one of the rarest beasts by her side.

By Friday morning, Dr Grass had enough of the attention that was drawn to you and visited your caravan, allegedly to walk with you to the castle.

She tried talking you out of Harry’s and the other champions' company and have you focus solely on Leopold instead. The unspoken threat of still being your headmistress echoing in her words, but its effects were not as extreme as they used to be.

Truth be told, you had expected her to confront you earlier, which had only provided you with extra time to be prepared.

“Dr Grass, thank you for your concern.”, you said mildly while the both of you headed toward the castle. “But – hear me out, please – I think it would do well to keep an unofficial eye on the other champions, especially after what Leopold reported from the first meeting in the staff’s room. I don’t expect Mr Karkaroff or Madame Maxime to be committed to competition based on fair means and to them, we are the smallest school, the additional one, the least important. They don’t take us seriously and will likely be happy to outplay Leopold in order to prove their point.”

“Go on, Lillian, but keep your voice down. We’re not at home.”, Dr Grass said sternly and greeted McGonagall and Severus, who also went for breakfast, with a curt nod from afar.

“Harry Potter seems to have a reputation for getting into trouble, solving it and being rewarded afterwards, so maybe it would be wise to know what he, in particular, is up to, and thereby support our own champion.”, you explained smoothly, dearly hoping she would take the bait.

“So far, I get along with all champions, above all Harry. As for Cedric, I help him a lot in potions and he respects me, at least because of my assistance job. Compared to the Karkaroff’s hostility and Maxime’s reservedness, we may increase our chances by staying close to the Hogwarts team.”

Astonished and proud, Dr Grass beamed at you and instructed you to stay close to the Boy-Who-Lived like you had in the past. Finally entering the Great Hall, you decided to have breakfast with the Hufflepuffs, as Harry, Theo and Jessica were nowhere around. Suddenly, you realized what you just had done and how easy it had been to outright make up an excuse for spending time with two people you liked. Moreover, Dr Grass could not reveal any of this without risking her reputation.

Smirking, you greeted Cedric and his friends, but before you had the chance to sit down, he cleared his throat gravely. Mentally preparing for what had been smouldering all week long, you remained on your feet and raised an eyebrow in expectation of an explanation.

“Morning, Lillian and sorry about this… but we, as a house, don’t feel too comfortable having you around us while you are bosom friends with Harry and fly on the pitch with Krum, we… well, let’s say we don’t want our hard work getting compromised in any way.”, he said quietly, carefully avoiding your piercing gaze.

“Not to mention your latest connection to the Slytherins.”, said Heather fiercely, a sixth-year student and patted proudly Cedric’s shoulder, although he shifted in great discomfort on his seat. You knew that he as Prefect would have had to do the dirty work nevertheless, but seeing him, as the glorious champion and one of your first nice acquaintances at Hogwarts, turning his back on you riled you up a little.

“Lillian, I – “, he said, but you just shrugged and gestured him to fall silent again.

“You’ve made a choice, Cedric, and that’s fine for me.”, you said tightly and fidgeted with your bag while quickly planning your next move.

“I get that you all are disappointed and angry, because of the abnormality during the selection. I do, really, and believe me or not, you are not the only ones wishing things were different.”

Your voice had gotten heavy with coldness and distance until a sneer formed on your lips and you snorted loudly.

“Honestly, how stupid of me to think that this year was ever meant to be about more than a competition, that making friends and learning from each other was just as important as supporting one’s school champion.”, you scoffed before addressing Cedric only.

“I like you all and I’d be happy to spend time with you in the future, but as long as your common hurt clouds your house’s view, I’m just as happy to sit elsewhere. See you in class, Cedric.”

++++++++

Severus, who had planned another brewing session for Friday evening, looked no less angry and bitter as you did once you entered his office with Mowgli.

 _“He’s not angry with you, mum. I can sense that he likes you and he’s not a weirdo as the man with the strange eye. Besides, what is bugging you today? You're awfully grumpy.”_ , hissed your little basilisk and greeted Severus with a gentle nudge of his head against his hand.

In addition to every human interaction, Mowgli had proven himself to be quite stubborn about his very positive impression of Severus and his resentment towards Moody. You still hadn’t figured out what to think of the first.

Despite some very enjoyable classes and short but pleasant talks afterwards, you could not deny any longer that something was off with the potions master as well and your ever-growing crush did not make it easier at all.

 _“Later, cheeky brat_.”, you scolded him with a tight smile. Thankfully, you started without much conversation to work on antidotes, burning solutions and various ingredients’ preparation with Severus. Like he, you calmed down during the precise work and silence which you both needed more than ever.

A quick glance here, an approving nod there, maybe the slightest hint of smile in between, but apart from that, your interaction was barely existent. Still, you liked the lesson and how Severus was able to make you feel not trapped in teenage quarrels any longer.

In the meantime, Mowgli had made himself comfortable on Severus’ desk and once you spotted him sleeping across various rolls of parchment, you feared to have destroyed the fragile peace that just had started to diffuse the tension.

“Don’t bother. He’s behaving well around me and I find him quite… decent. Really, Lillian, there’s not much he could destroy on those parchment rolls. Rather on the contrary; if he smears something, I’m not forced to read all of the nonsense.”, Severus said with his grim expression on his face.

Flinching violently, you turned on your heel and faced him with the same boiling fury you had felt right before your appointment. Severus, who tensed equally at your reaction, shot you a warning glare and started to clean his place instead of encouraging you to speak up.

Right, you still were a student with an assistant job, not an equal or colleague. Furthermore, he knew very well that without him, you would be already back in Germany. Mirroring his erratic movement, you bit your tongue with maximum physical strain.

When you finally wanted to wake Mowgli, you saw indeed that he had smeared some ink on a parchment roll. Giving in the urge to check if Severus’ snide remark had been justified, you, to your personal displeasure, had to admit that he had been right. The student had written utter nonsense and wasted a foot of parchment at least.

Avoiding his triumphant glance, you started putting the parchment rolls aside, should Mowgli make sudden movement and cause more damage on other students’ homework, regardless of their quality. Those rolls were neither Mowgli's nor yours, so to you, it was a simple question of manners.

“It makes no difference, really.”, Severus said from behind and hardly hid his amusement about your concern.

You halted abruptly and counted to ten in your head. He hadn’t just used those words, no, he could not possibly have… Little could he know that those five words were the last straw to break the camel’s back to you.

Facing him beyond rage, you crossed your arms and summoned your bag wordlessly, before eyeing him with a dead-cold flash in your usually sparkling green gaze.

“You don’t like to see differences at all, do you?”, you spat and stormed off the office, leaving Mowgli, who better not saw your outburst, behind.

++++++++

How could Severus, a potions master and brilliant mind, act so petty, childish and aggressive towards teenagers? How could no one interfere with his inequal treatment and bullying?

Even if you got along extremely well with him and even if he did treat his upper years a tinge better than the younger classes, he was the reason you had been angry and cross all afternoon. It was all about the way he had handled the escalation between Harry and Malfoy about which the whole school was already too-well informed.

His indifferent treatment of the consequences, his mocking of Hermione in front of the already opposing Gryffindors and Slytherins and his assigned detention for Harry and Ron had been your personal low of the week.

To make it worse, Harry, who had later sought your company and advice after a rather unsettling interview during the weighing of the champions’ wands, was more than disappointed when you had to leave him in order to accompany Leopold outside and help him first. You knew that Severus did not know about that, but you could not help but blame him for riling the poor boy up right before an important appointment.

“Oi! Watch where you’re going, red-head!”, shouted Malfoy at you when you, lost in thoughts and boiling emotions, bumped into him shortly before the castle’s entrance.

“Drop it, Draco!”, you retaliated without breaking your pace, which the blonde brat took as an invitation to forcibly hold you by your sleeve and drag you back into the Entrance Hall. Albeit shrinking under your death glare, a smug grin appeared on his still child-like features and he pulled out little badges that switched in neon colours between ‘POTTER STINKS’ and ‘Support CEDRIC DIGGORY – the REAL Hogwarts Champion!’.

These must be the literal buttons that had pushed Harry into duelling Malfoy and screaming bloody murder at Severus, you realized within a second. Taking them into your hands and examining them, your lack of understanding towards Severus’ behaviour only increased. Malfoy was one of his students, after all. He was under his care.

“Well, Draco… what a waste of talent!”, you exclaimed and tried to show the boy that his bullying attitude did not please everybody. “Look at you! Doing advanced transfiguration – for a fourth-year, of course, but nevertheless impressive – and using it to bully a student rather than making some good out of it! It’s a shame, really!”

Shoving them back into his clammy hands, you turned to leave for your caravan when out of the blue, another voice started screaming like a banshee.

“WILL – YOU – STOP – ATTACKING – PEOPLE – YOU – DON’T – FACE – LIKE – A - MAN, COWARD!”, screeched Moody, limping down the main staircase and pointing his wand at a now terribly frightened Malfoy, whose own wand was aimed at your back indeed.

Before you were given the chance to intervene, a blinding light shot towards Malfoy, who howled in pain and fell to the ground. BANG – another cannon-like shot deafened you and Malfoy was lifted up in the air, dancing like a marionette on invisible strings. It was utterly humiliating just to watch his jerky movements, not to think how exposed and vulnerable the boy, unfriendly as he might be, must have felt during the act.

“LET HIM GO! You're hurting him!”, you shouted at Moody and drew your own wand. Another light erupted from Moody’s and within the blink of an eye, you were just quick enough to cast a protection shield in front of you while Malfoy crumbled to the floor from four meters height.

“You dare protect him, little German?! That’s just like you. Pathetic folk.”, Moody growled and sent another stunning hex at you, which you managed to deflect halfway through.

“I’d face anyone who abuses his position as a teacher and protector of minors!”, you bellowed and felt a subconscious relief about Severus’ behaviour since your previous anger fuelled your power and helped you focus right now. Maybe you had done him wrong and Hogwarts teachers were supposed to be like that.

In the midst of trying to disarm Moody and deflecting his spells and minor jinxes, you looked out for Malfoy but could not see the loudmouth anywhere. For a second, you defence got a little unfocused and when a hot pain seared your cheek, something buried deep down inside you woke up.

Roaring with cold fury, you sent various stunning and binding hexes at the teacher. Moody got more and more out of breath, but still showed no weak spot to attack once and for all. Neither did you realize that the both of you were making quite a spectacle in the Entrance Hall which attracted more and more visitors.

He cast a Fiendfyre, you transfigured it with tremendous effort into a flickering fire in the chimney. Instead of stopping the attacks, your defence teacher seemed to feel even more encouraged and when you registered the maniac flicker in his eyes, you knew that this game could not be won.

Suddenly, a third person joined the duel and tried to end yours before you seriously hurt each other. Even without the black cloak and murderous glare in his eyes, you would have known it was Severus, because his magic, immensely protective and powerful, swept through the air in the same manner he behaved in class.

Tasting the coppery flavour of your own blood, a stubbornness blinded your sight and refused to accept help of someone who just bullied others hours ago. Relentlessly, you fought off Moody’s growing attacks and Severus’ defensive spells, transfiguring every spall, torch and even your wrist watch into blockages which reinforced your protection.

After a shouted ‘Reducto!’ from Moody, the Entrance Hall was completely covered in rubble and before you were able to cast new defensive spells, you found yourself trapped in between Severus and the Defence teacher whose tactics got darker and darker.

Sensing a disarming charm behind you from Severus while seeing Moody’s face turn into the same grimace like when he demonstrated to Cruciatus curse in class, you took the only chance you had and transformed into your snake form, letting the two curses clash against each other right above your new position and stray through the hall.

Suddenly, a terrifying scream drowned everything and from your position on the floor, you saw McGonagall fall to her knees, screaming in excruciating pain.

Moody’s curse had hit her and whatever the collision of the two spells had exactly done to the effects, it certainly did not weaken them, no matter how often Moody waved his wand and shouted ‘Finite Incantatem’.

Never in your life had you changed this quick to your human form, wherefore you reached McGonagall even sooner than an equally shocked Severus.

Kneeling beside her writhing body, you pulled out your wand and, like all those years ago, sang the same song in a foreign tongue you had never been able to recall again.

_I never meant for you to carry my pain. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to cause damage. Please, stop the crying. Trust me, I make the pain go away. I promise. Allow me to heal you. Allow me to make you feel whole again._

McGonagall’s screams ebbed away as she lay shaking and trembling in your arms, while Severus yelled at the students to get away from the unlucky place.

“Severus! Explain!”, sounded Dumbledore’s now ice-cold voice from the staircase, his eyes sweeping over the destroyed Entrance Hall. Flanked by Malfoy and Harry, who didn’t dare to look at each other, he hurried down and examined McGonagall as she was still incapable of speaking.

Wiping your sweat-covered forehead, you realized only then that apparently, your whole face was covered in bleeding gashes and when you turned to look at least in the headmaster’s eyes, his startled features told you that it was probably worse than it felt beneath the adrenaline which still filled your veins.

“Severus! Heal her, now!”, Dumbledore commanded and the same strong hands that you adored so much in class, dragged you away from McGonagall and examined your face. To your surprise, Severus sang a song of his own, too. His voice sounded so rich and pure, matching the flicker in his eyes, that for a moment, you entirely forgot being angry with him.

Once your gashes were healed and knitted together, the three duellists got up and, standing in one line, waited for your well-deserved reprimands. Shame washed over you. After all Dumbledore had done to keep you at Hogwarts, this was how you repaid him: By getting carried away and destroying a part of the ancient and magnificent castle that so many people called their home.

But you wouldn’t cry, no. You were of age; you had made a mistake and you would take your punishment with decency and humbleness. Like a grown man, not like a sobbing child.

“It was my fault, Professor.”, said a teenage voice before either McGonagall, who was back on her feet as well and looked only moments away from physically attacking Moody and Severus herself, or Dumbledore could interrogate the sorry lot of you.

“Mr Malfoy?”, blurted Severus, whose hand still supported your back as though he didn’t trust you to stand on your own.

“I was… I… well, she told me off for something I see differently” – you suppressed the urge to roll your eyes at those words – “and when she ditched me, Professor Moody caught me in an attempt to hex her…. She, ahem… she stood up for me, so he attacked her next… when it got worse, I…”, stammered Malfoy with baby-pink cheeks. His grey eyes had lost all of their coldness and arrogance.

“You wanted to bugger off, Malfoy.”, riled Harry, but his eyes were just as wide with worry and fear as Malfoy’s. “If Professor Dumbledore had not found us…”

“That’s enough, Harry.”, Dumbledore said firmly and waved his wand above his head. Smoothly, the Entrance Hall repaired itself and after a couple of moments, it looked like the day again.

“Alastor, Severus, Minerva… my office, now. And Dr Grass will want to join us... Ms Black?”, he asked and while you struggled with tears that welled up in your eyes, his blue pair was as friendly and open as in the abandoned lavatory.

“On behalf of my professors, I would like to apologize for this unfortunate happening. As a student, it is not your fault that you got carried away. Please, Mr Potter will accompany you to the Hospital wing, while Mr Malfoy…”

“Mowgli.”, you interrupted. “He’ll be worried if I’m not in my caravan. Someone has to pick up Mowgli in Professor Snape’s office.”

“Potter, you get the snake and lead the way to the Hospital wing. Make sure it doesn’t get upset. Malfoy, you go with Ms Black.”, yelled McGonagall at the two boys while straightening her robes.

Without glancing back at Severus or Moody, you gratefully took Malfoy’s outstretched arm, winked at Harry and bid the headmaster and his deputy goodbye.

Once Madame Pomfrey, stern but also warm-hearted, ran some diagnostics on you and simply prescribed a night’s rest under her care, you called Malfoy back, who was already shuffling his way out.

“That was quite honourable, Draco. You should be proud of yourself.”, you said and squeezed his hand lightly. “Thank you.”

For a moment, he stared intensely at the worn tiles and when he lifted his head to meet your gaze, his eyes were gone cold and calculation again.

“I didn’t do it for you as a Potterhead and muggle-born-lover, you know. Don’t think you’re important, be it here or anywhere else.”

Wishing to have never called him back, his words haunted you in your sleep that already came seconds after you gulped down a Sleeping Draught from Severus. Rest was certainly a relative thing at Hogwarts.


	7. A boiling Atmosphere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right after the duel, the first task is on everybody's mind, while Severus and you spend more time together.

Hedwig, Harry’s beautiful snowy owl, was too happy to deliver a letter to your brother after being denied to fly to wherever Sirius Black had found shelter. On your way back to the castle, you were lost in thoughts about what Orion would say to the happenings at Hogwarts and more importantly, what his advice would be.

“Oi! German! I want a word.”, bellowed Moody, his disfigured face only meters away from your view. To your surprise, he apologized sincerely for giving in his auror instincts, as he put it, and you couldn’t find any sign of dishonesty in his words and demeanour. He even offered some discreet help for your school regarding the approaching first task and encouraged you, despite being a mere visitor of the tournament now, to continue your duelling training and special school work.

It felt good to be praised by someone who was responsible for half the filled prison cells in Azkaban, someone with a lot of practical experience, someone who did not care about norms but his moral compass, even if his means could be considered questionable. A rather Machiavellian way of living indeed.

Otherwise, the unfortunately infamous duel between you, the crazy ex-auror and the unpopular potions master had only churned the rumour mill about Harry and you. One day, when the both of you feared for another lecture about the rights of house elves, Hermione, who nobody expected to sneak around outside the library, told you about a conspiracy theory, whereupon Harry and you, as the only two parselmouths alive, were secretly working on turning Hogwarts into a place for dark magic and pure-bloods only.

Inwardly, a sentiment of childish relief spread through your veins at the gossip’s absurdity, but it did not last very long, as Leopold, in a matter of adding fuel to the fire, openly boasted about your ability to handle the Dark Arts. In his eyes, your suspicious talents and connection to Harry were the only reasons why you hadn’t been crushed by Moody and Snape alike.

Jessica and Theo, outraged by the unprofessional treatment you had received from Hogwarts professors thus far, apart from Severus who was considered professional, advised you to not to show your powers again unless you were in mortal peril, because teachers were secretly discussing your abilities as if you were some lab rat.

To make it worse, Dr Grass and McGonagall were running around with such grim expressions and handed out detentions for simply speaking of the duel, that they looked like two dragons on the loose, either trying to sweep to reciprocal event under the carpet or to burn down any fascination and further inquiry.

The more every adult tried to avoid the topic, the more rumours erupted and after a couple of days, the wary and concerned looks of your fellow students did not go unnoticed anymore even though you found yourself barely alone during the day and could just hang out with your friends and study. You were finally and simply being you, but you also had gravely underestimated the aftermaths of your first weeks at Hogwarts, no matter how little it had been your fault.

While Harry struggled to control his temper and rising fury, you thought of a way to distract yourselves by letting him help you prepare the classes in which you taught students of all years how to handle snakes, especially basilisks.

++++++++

Mowgli, who was more than happy to be in the centre of attention, liked the constant care and treats so much that one evening, he suddenly informed you that he was just about to moult.

Running down the stairs to the dungeons, you realized that Severus and you hadn’t seen each other outside classes or brewing sessions. After the duel, he had apologized as well, but you had dismissed it as you did not see any fault in his actions.

Ever since, the both of you evaded this particular evening like scabies and instead found pleasure in talking a bit about similarities and differences between the British and German Wizarding world, as well as magical places you would like to travel to one day and, of course, about Mowgli.

It felt like a second start while the investigations of the first, failed one were still ongoing. Severus was far from being out of your woods and you happily ignored your gut feeling that seeing past his contradicting and unreadable mask would likely mean for you to get out of your comfort zone. Not knowing and even less caring what it exactly was, you just knew it would be worth it.

 _“Mum, I need a place to lay down!”_ , your snake whined in your arms, as it couldn’t move by itself any longer.

 _“Hush, we’re almost there, Mowgli.”_ , you said reassuringly and kicked full force against Severus’ office door while your hands struggled to hold the writhing familiar. The door creaked open and to your astonishment, the piercing blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore greeted you with lots of twinkling and a knowing smile.

“The same day as Fawkes, I see. Interesting, very interesting.”, he said mysteriously and stepped out into the corridor. “Go on, Ms Black, since Severus and I have finished our business. Good evening and good luck.”

More than confused, you entered the office and saw Severus returning from his private cupboard, still gulping down a headache reliever. His level of surprise met your bewilderment and at the sight of the now hiss-wailing Mowgli, he quickly wanted to clear his desk, but hit his knee against the leg of the table, which caused an awful sound. You flinched.

“We can look for another –“

“Don’t be ridiculous, Lillian.”, he said gruffly and vanished the emptied flask. “If you were in the same room with the headmaster for over two hours, your head would be bursting as well… What’s wrong with him?”

“He moulting and he needs a cool and quiet place. I… I thought of… of… here.”, you said and almost slipped that by stammering 'here', you had actually meant him. The flicker of interest in his eyes was captivating and made your blood boil. With a small hysterical laugher, you put Mowgli down. Then, it occurred to you that Severus’ interest was not fuelled by your almost slip of the tongue.

Feeling your cheeks flush, you luckily managed to pull yourself together, for Mowgli’s sake, after all.

“You may keep the skin and use it for whatever idea crosses your mind, Severus.”, you said, sounding much calmer and controlled now.

“Like you have never thought of that.”, he grumbled and hid his face behind a curtain of thin, black hair. He already summoned various jars and a silver knife. “We could try and work on a new and maybe more efficient Anti-Paralysis Potion.”

“We could indeed.”, you replied teasingly, thinking of another possible meaning in between the lines, and when Severus lifted his head, you saw, on top of everything, the fading blush on his cheeks. Gods, if Harry ever saw him like that, he would be in need of a bathtub filled with Anti-Paralysis Potion.

Unfortunately, a painful hiss of Mowgli diffused the tingle in the atmosphere and all too soon, you found yourselves cooling Mowgli’s skin with damp cloths. Once his head was freed and the worst seemed over, the both of you exhaled.

“Could you ask him to moult during classes next time? I am sure the students would love to see this, especially the Slytherins.”, Severus said quietly and caressed Mowgli’s grown body with his long fingers, which stood in a nice contrast to the black scales.

“I believe this is beyond of my possibilities. Besides, it’s not like I wasn’t warned to think of myself as important.”, you said and bit your tongue once the bitter quotation had slipped.

“Draco?”, asked Severus with a raised eyebrow and at your shy nod, he sighed audibly.

“He’s a nice kid, Lillian. Don’t get him wrong, because he feels like he has to fit in.”, he explained and could not hide the weakness in his words.

“He seems heavily influenced by the opinions of adults. I can’t image that a child, let alone a whole house, could be capable of having such strong and hostile thoughts.”, you answered in the same low voice.

“They are marked. From both sides, from the war, from prejudices that live longer than mankind can consciously remember.”, Severus said slippery, but at least did not sound angry or offended by your subliminal hint at his role in their lives.

Mowgli freed himself some more inches and gratefully took two chicken eggs that Severus fed him without fearing the sharp fangs.

“I don’t want to criticize your actions from back then… but do you think it has helped diffusing the tension?”

There it was. You had brought up the topic at last. Carefully watching how far Severus’ brows furrowed, you did not dare to breathe.

Had you overstepped a boundary? Certainly. Had you, a student of twenty years, had told a senior member of the staff that he had not been the role model he was supposed to be? Definitely. Had you shot yourself in the foot? Probably.

A deep growl announced his response, and by the way he clutched the table, you feared like needed to restrain himself from physically lashing out at you. Instead, his eyes pierced yours mercilessly and if you had not felt your mind unchanged, you would have said that he was trying to read your thoughts and prove your liability and capability of keeping secrets.

Minutes passed, during which Mowgli almost finished moulting, and a headache affected you, worse than any you had experienced ever before. Suddenly, Severus looked down at the glossy snake and it was as though a pressure was lifted from your head. He must have done something to you, even though you could not yet identify it, and the urgent clearing of his throat betrayed him once more.

“Please…”, he croaked instead with a voice much weaker and softer than expected. “Please don’t ever think that I am not aware of my behaviour or that I don’t know what damage it may cause. There… there are reasons… reasons of which I can’t speak and I need your word that you won’t speak of this either… but rest assured that I am trying my best to appeal to the good inside my protégés.”

Taken aback by his response, which was drenched in sincerity and vulnerability at once, you spluttered like a child before you gave him his word with utmost clarity in your own voice. It looked like Mowgli’s moult had gotten you already a bit closer – the only reason why you desisted from asking him what exactly he just had done.

++++++++

November went on and Orion’s response, two feet in his narrow but curved handwriting, were of less help than you had hoped for. In fact, he sounded too happy that you were meeting unique personalities while being surrounded by curiosities and challenges, not to mention your assistance job with a professor, who would be, in his words, ‘a complete nutter not to see the doubled potential you had’.

One evening, a shy knock at your caravan gave away a new visitor as you had never heard this pattern before. But there was no stranger visiting you this late. It was a shaking Harry.

“Can I come in?”, he asked outright. His face had gotten a worrying shade of green and when you noticed his trembled hands, something inside you snapped and you shoved him down on a chair, tossing a bar of chocolate on the table.

“Dragons. The first task is about dragons. We have to get past them.”, he squealed in terror. “Ron’s brother’s here… he works with them… I… I…”

“Why do you tell me?”, you said sternly, even though you already knew the answer. Harry was devasted and needed you.

Contrarily to his hope for a reconciliation with Ron, the interview with that unpleasant and apparently ruthless journalist had only caused the ditch between them to deepen. In comparison to your own social challenges, you felt like you should be grateful about all the false rumours and wariness around you.

“Hagrid brought Maxime, Karkaroff was snooping… they know… I will tell Cedric and you must tell Leopold. I don’t like him, but otherwise, it is not fair.”, he cried out, waking Mowgli who instantly curled up on his lap.

Touched by his sense for justice and chivalry, you were lost for words and simply hugged him tightly. Harry leant in, and when your shining green eyes met, you saw what he was also asking.

“I can’t help you, Harry. I would risk a definite expulsion.”, you said sadly, fidgeting with your curls in order to to not see his disappointed reaction. “I may give you some advice once you’ve established a strategy and I will always be there for you if you need a shoulder to lean on, but I am bound to my school.”

 _“Stop clenching your fists, Harry! It’s my mum you’re talking to.”_ , hissed Mowgli, sensing his tension and frustration.

 _“Harry, how about Hermione and I get in touch? We’re both known bookworms and people don’t need to know what exactly we are studying. I am sure she will tell me your questions and report with my answers.”_ , you whispered in parseltongue, just in case someone else was snooping around.

Harry’s face lit up and with a wide smile, he vanished under his magnificent Invisibility Cloak, leaving a playfully clicking Mowgli behind next to you.

++++++++

Seeing Leopold panicking at the news turned out to be a secret, if little glorious highlight. While you were training his transfiguration skills and flexibility, you saw Moody lurking around the corridors more often than not. Knowing how paranoid he actually was, you did pay too much attention to it, especially once you saw him confidentially talking to Dumbledore while Harry and Hermione occupied the nearest classroom. Apparently, Dumbledore did pay some kind of attention to the boy's security.

Harry needed your help less often than expected, wherefore you agreed to meet Severus on the evening before the first task for an inventory of both the common and private stocks in his classroom and office.

“How many jars of leswing flies did you count?”, asked Severus with suppressed fury in his voice. Surprised at the sudden mood swing, you raised and eyebrow and repeated that you had counted not more than five jars.

“Impossible… this can’t be… Merlin, how dare they…”, he growled, brusquely shoving you out of the way. Confused and irritated, you decided to watch him count the five jars for himself and when he turned around, you backed off at his white face loaded with boiling fury.

“Did you grant anyone access to this cupboard?”, he demanded and it felt like the pleasant talks about potions literature, Defence against the Dark Arts and even muggle music from the sixties and seventies were long forgotten.

“What? No, of course not! I would never… Severus, stop accusing me and tell me what is wrong!”, you said and decided not to justify yourself for something you would not even dream of.

“Someone’s been stealing from my personal ingredients… First, I thought I had miscounted, but this is the second time leswing flies are missing. I also miss half a jar of boomslang skin…”

“Polyjuice Potion.”, you said without thinking.

“Students… students who are up to no good or playing pranks on others… students like…”

“Don’t say Gryffindors now, Severus. Please. You can’t know.”, you cut him off. Stabilizing your mind shields with feelings of unbeatable determination not to let him go down this old road, which he took so often without thereby helping the students or him in the least, you faced him with blank eyes and crossed arms.

Although you avoided to speak much about students, especially the ones you were allied with, it was undeniable on both sides that Severus loved to blame the house of the lions for everything and some lions indeed took pride in riling him up on every occasion. But Fred and George were currently otherwise occupied… were they?

“Potter and his friends brewed it once. Who knows what he is plotting now, but trust me; I will find out.”

“I will help you.”

He certainly had not expected you to offer your help, especially not after his accusation of Harry. You knew that the boy had nothing to do with the current stealing. Bearing this palm, you quickly decided not to investigate further how Severus knew about the Polyjuice Potion from his second year and just shrugged.

According to many students, Snape could indeed tell truth from lie and you did not want him to find out that Harry had told you every detail about his time at Hogwarts. Besides, as the assistant, you were supposed to help.

However, Severus was not given enough time to answer appropriately, because Mowgli arrived out of nowhere, nudging his head against his hand, before snout-kissing your cheek.

 _“Harry’s here… I think he needs you… quick…”,_ he hissed in demand for your immediate attention.

You were about to turn on your heel, but Severus, hyper sensitive as ever, had already heard the choked sobs in the classroom and sprinted towards the door.

“POTTER!”, he barked at the crying boy. “Have you come to see what you’ve done again? Is there finally a shred of conscience inside you?”

Harry, terribly flinching at his least favourite professor's appearance, was too unsettled to get his words. Sighing, you passed Severus and hugged the boy tightly until he eventually calmed down to a point that allowed him to speak.

“I can’t do it… I will fail… I can’t… I don’t remember anything and I…”, he stammered, still hiding under your hair.

Tuning Severus out, you cradled Harry and whispered soothing words into his ear, in parseltongue for he clearly trusted Mowgli more than his professor. When Harry’s panic attack seemed to be over completely, you affectionately kissed the crown of his head and released him back to his common room.

By the look on Severus’ face, you could as well have wrecked his entire part of the dungeons. Tight-lipped, with maliciously glistening eyes and cracking knuckles, he strode back to his office, whereas you followed him more confused than ever.

Once you had put everything back in place, he suddenly held your arm.

“Potter always finds a way. Don’t worry and don’t fall for his dramatics.”, he said bitterly and you could not help yourself to see Severus behaving again just as immature and childishly jealous as his students. This time, you might find it a bit more understandable given the things Harry had told you about the Marauders, especially his father, but still…

“Are you blaming him now for not being the arrogant and strutting prat that you usually call him?”, you said calmly and laid your hand on his, which still rested on your arms.

“He’s terrified, Severus, and one cannot blame him.”

When Severus did not reply but searched the floor with his eyes, it suddenly hit you.

“You are worried about him.”, you blurted and immediately feared to have said too much. Severus, after a jerky movement with his head, faced you with an odd expression on his face.

“I told you I care about all of my protégés.”, he replied, piercing you again with his black eyes. “By the way, how is it that he and you know about the task?”

Caught more than just a little off-guard, you swallowed hard. How did he find out? You had not even thought of the dragons, at least not consciously.

“They all know.”, you therefore said flatly and hoped that your face looked sincere and honest. “If it were not for Harry, Leopold and Cedric would be the only ones unaware of the danger. Whatever this is, it is not a fair game… So, for tonight, can we just agree that we don’t want either of them to die?”

++++++++

The roaring of the dragons was frightening to the core. Theo, Jessica and you sat between the Hufflepuffs and your classmates; wands constantly at the ready, should any of the beasts try to grill the audience.

Fleur, Viktor and Cedric did a fair job and apart from Karkaroff’s blatant favouritism, the points awarded were more than well-deserved.

When Leopold entered the arena, your heart beat with the force of five. He had been arrogant and cocky during your training sessions, but under no circumstances, you wanted him to get seriously injured in this tournament.

Fortunately, his dragon-shaped Fiendfyre was both under control and massive, for it distracted the actual dragon long enough and made it even attack the flames, completely forgetting about its nest. It took Leopold some attempts and a heavy slap of the creature’s swinging tail against his body, but in the end, the golden egg was his and his task accomplished. So much for being a dark magician for knowing the Dark Arts, you thought sardonically while feeling immense relief at the same time. Leopold had clearly outshone Durmstrang and Beauxbatons and Dr Grass knew who had worked with him.

Harry, however, last of the champions, nailed his task like no one before. Summoning his broomstick from such a distance did not only show the progress of his magical power, but also combined his greatest talent with his greatest traits: Riding the Firebolt with ease, he looked so brave, determined and defensive, while his aerial diversions allowed him to grab the egg faster than any other champion. Your heart swelled with pride and relief.

Once you congratulated your champion, you hurried to get to Harry who was just about to be released from McGonagall, Moody and the flimsy Ludo Bagman. Beaming at you and ignoring the bleeding of his shoulder, where the horned tail had hit him, the boy ran straight into your arms and flung his own around you as though he had decided to never let you go again.

Chuckling, you looked around and spotted Severus in a near group of other teachers, his posture more strained than ever. However, when you smiled warmly in their direction, you thought for a moment to see the corners of his lips twitch.

It had been a good day indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for staying with me! I hope you like the further development of the story! :)


	8. Digging into the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus' past is more present than you would have thought. When he asks a favour of you, you have no idea how deep you are getting involved.

To say that the first task had a lasting effect on everybody’s mood was the understatement of the year.

Anywhere on the grounds, the air was filled with equal respect, worry and admiration for the champions and no one, apart from some Slytherins maybe, thought openly any longer that Harry, who was probably the most famous wizard already, had been arrogant enough to join this tournament voluntarily.

After all, there were two more challenges waiting for them and with dragons as the starting point, it was wiser to not let the thoughts run free regarding what else the committee had planned.

The five champions had mentally grown overnight and were now occupied with the preparation of the second task. Your ears still rang hours after Leopold had opened his golden egg in front of your class, but neither of you could make sense of the screeching sound that had erupted from its centre.

Cedric and the Hufflepuffs, whose frustration and anger had mostly worn off, seemed just as determined to solve the riddle as quick as possible and in alternation with Viktor, you saw them often linger in the library, looking for books about ancient and foreign languages.

Even better, they soon approached you after the first task, thoroughly apologizing for their behaviour. From that moment on, your school days were split up again between the house of the lions and the one of the badgers.

Above all, you were pleased to see that Ron had finally apologized to Harry and got over his insecurities and immaturity. For someone with such a talent for chess at this age, it was quite surprising that he had only seen the potential rewards and miserably failed to consider the consequences and risks.

But Hogwarts, as usual, granted you no spare time to think about it. While Hermione worked herself up into House-elves rights, Harry informed you about Sirius’ information that Karkaroff had been once a Death Eater.

Maybe this was the reason why Dumbledore had hired an ex-auror this year, you thought. After all you had read about You-Know-Who and his followers, one could certainly not be too cautious.

++++++++

Inwardly cursing yourself, you stopped in front of the wooden office door and were just about to knock when it suddenly creaked open and let you in.

“You’re late.”, said Severus, already having prepared today’s potion ingredients. On his desk, as it had become a habit by now, laid Mowgli and hissed teasingly in your direction.

“I’m sorry, I was… well, I guess you don’t want to know.”, you quickly stopped yourself before revealing that Hermione had just dragged Harry, Ron, Theo, Jessica and you to the kitchens and introduced you to Dobby and Winky.

It would not have been that bad if she had not consistently tried to proselytize the House-elves of Hogwarts into fighting for their rights of freedom, payment and proper employment contracts.

Severus looked up and eyed you warily. Suddenly, he smirked and conjured a napkin. “Wrong answer if you don’t want to raise suspicion. Besides, you’ve got a chocolate stain on your cheek, Lillian.”, he said with a grin and gestured you to come forward. “What have you been doing in the kitchens? It’s not like we are being starved here.”

Astonished, you wiped your face and hoped that your blush was not worse than usually. Insisting that Severus would not punish any student involved, you reluctantly told him what you had been doing there, perhaps leaving out a detail or two.

In spite of his tight lips and flicker of anger in his eyes, he decided to not further comment on that and pointed at his working desk instead.

“Wolfsbane it is for today. Well, at least the first brewing period. Recalling your notes, you have never worked with it before, have you?”, he gruffly explained and simply nodded when you shook your head.

Something bothered him immensely, because during the blending, crushing, boiling and stirring, the crease between his eyes did not disappear as usually and the way he was grabbing the stirring rod and adding the last ingredient for today, sent a shiver down your spine.

It was as though the last session, after which you had cleaned up again to the beats of Pink Floyd, had never happened. Same for the way he had tucked a stray curl back into your bun, before it would have certainly been etched away by the disinfectant you had been brewing. Not to mention his invitation to play a round of chess with him.

Trying to stay out of reach and not do something stupid, you withdrew while your mind worked and thought of possible reasons for his behaviour.

Harry had not done anything risky or provoking, neither had the other Gryffindors. Mowgli and you were on your best behaviour as well. The mingling of the four schools was turning out fine and the second task was still months away.

Suddenly, it hit you. Of course, how could you have been so oblivious?

“Severus?”, you asked quietly and waited for his nod until you spoke again. “We are brewing the Wolfsbane for Remus Lupin, aren’t we?”

You could as well have blown up his lab and cupboards. Severus slammed the silver knife harshly on the table and clutched its corners, shaking from head to toe. The loss of colour was literally visible in his face and his eyes pierced you with the same aversion that Harry spoke of so often.

“What else did the brat tell you?”, he growled and apparently did not trust himself to let go of the table. You were scared, but not horrified. Severus’ anger was aimed at Harry and as long as he did not burst into the room right now, it would be alright.

And, in case Severus should make a move towards you, Mowgli was just waking up and would defend you. Therefore, it was you slowly approaching him with a neutral expression on your face. You tried hard to sound as calm and gentle as possible.

“Would you like to hear my interpretation or what Harry’s been telling me from his perspective?”, you offered him to choose and could tell by the widening eyes that Severus had not expected this at all.

When he did not reply and just shook his head frantically, you laid a hand on his clenched fists and slowly opened them. His fingernails had left marks on the wooden surface.

“My interpretation it is, then. Your past came crushing down on you last year and while you tried to tell Harry that he should be careful, in your own way I have to say, he somehow managed to get himself into serious trouble again. At the same time, one of the Marauders became your colleague and depended on your support while you feared that his lycanthropy could not be entirely controlled. You were afraid that other students could be harmed, by accident or even on purpose.”, you said and pressed your lips together as Severus’ hands now tightened around yours.

“What else?”, he seethed and there was raw panic and fury glistening in his eyes which were too dark to see whether his pupils had dilated or not.

You closed the gap between you and gently forced him to lay his head on your shoulders. There was no way to know for sure what he was living through right now and it looked like Harry’s tale of the hospital wing had not been exaggerated at all.

“James Potter’s best man, the same Sirius Black whose vicious prank almost killed you during your own school time and who apparently got away with it, was trying to get inside the castle, because of what he has been framed for... It is not that hard to see that Harry needs to be protected from his urge to rush into action. And even if it is not my concern why you care about him and treat him so poorly at the same time, I get that you must have been terrified by your own experience and feared for Harry’s life. But, Severus, listen to me. Sirius Black is as worried about Harry as you are. I’ve seen his letters and Harry’s description of Peter Pettigrew transforming into a rat is credible enough for me to be sure that Pettigrew is the one who served You-Know-Who.”

Slowly but steady, Severus’ tension ebbed until he was standing in your gentle hold, trying to calm himself and muttering excuses about gripping you too tightly.

He was right to apologize as his hands would leave marks on yours, but that was not the point. The both of you could feel that this moment had brought you closer to each other and would have an ever-lasting impact on your relation.

“No one can know that I worry about Potter, you hear me? Least he himself…”, he croaked, pushing his hair out of his face and wiping off the sweat on his forehead. You weren’t surprised that he did not engage in a debate about Sirius Black’s innocence.

“Is it because nobody knows who put Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire? Not to mention the incident during the Quidditch World Cup... and…”

You could hardly stop yourself from mentioning the Karkaroff issue, wherefore you focused on another oddity instead. For the first time, you felt some sort of gratitude for having plenty to pick.

“Severus, why could Ludo Bagman be considered a bad man?”, you asked and realized that you were close to pushing him into another anxiety attack.

“What... How… I…”, he stammered, pretty much caught off-guard, before his face went blank and cold without warning. “I don’t know anything about Ludo Bagman and you would do well to stay out of businesses that aren’t yours. For your own protection, Lillian. As you’ve said, things do not go as planned.”

He sighed, inwardly struggling whether to add something or not. Another deep breath was taken, and his dark and silky voice filled the room again with music, albeit of a rather rough style.

“Potter seems to be fond of you.”, he almost spat and vanished the leavings of the brewing angrily. “If you want to protect him, make sure that he stops snooping around. Good luck, by the way, he is a genius at that. That’s the only thing you can do for him.”

Hearing the finality in his words, you swore to keep everything heard secret and keep a low profile, as far as possible, of course.

The sincerity in your voice seemed to calm him more than anything else, even though the both of you knew from your previous experiences at Hogwarts that it was only a matter of time until something new would come up.

Neither of you felt confident enough to say anything while you cleaned the table and let the small cauldron simmer.

It was Severus who suddenly rushed to another hidden room and came back with two bottles of butterbeer. Cheeks slightly more coloured, he held them up and quirked an eyebrow.

The small gesture did wonders to your worry and churned up state. Gifting him a broad smile, you took one bottle out of his hand and when you tuned on an old radio, you knew that he was not mad at you at all.

You talked about your progress in other classes, fed a very confused Mowgli some extra eggs and beef snacks and healed your wrists as his hand prints were already turning purple. Severus looked beyond ashamed and could hardly hide the trembling of his hands, especially the left.

“I’m really sorry, Lillian. I did not want to – “

“It’s okay, really. I should have known that the mention of his name could evoke strong emotions.”, you shrugged and fumbled with the swing stopper of the bottle.

“How? You’re not a psychiatrist, are you?”, he asked and took the bottle out of your hand, apparently annoyed by the clicking noises.

“No, but Orion and I have seen enough at the orphanage… No, nothing like that. It’s been a good home to us and every child placed there can consider itself happy, but, you know, some of them have survived things… you can’t imagine how much cruel-…”, you croaked and tried not to think about the little ones; broken and love-starved from their first breath of air on. Closing your eyes, it was up to you to take a deep breath.

“Anyways, Orion and I lived there until we came of age and even today, we visit them… they are family, I guess. When you grow up like that, you learn to look after the ones around you. Otherwise, it would not work out. It’s got nothing to do with pity… it’s simply about empathy and caring for each other.”, you concluded, strongly paying attention not to show Severus that you had sensed the tension creeping through his veins again.

“You’re an honourable man, Severus.”, you quickly changed the subject, something that would drag him back from where he was lost in thoughts. And you meant it, you really did. “After all I have heard and seen here, I think it’s a remarkable thing to help Lupin. Thank you for letting me assist today…”

Slowly, you rose from your chair after casting a quick _tempus_ and realizing that you were already much too late for a group evening in Valerian’s caravan.

Severus, who seemed frozen on the spot, lifted his head and watched you in greatest stupefaction. Behind the blank surface, something serious was going on, but time, as usual, knew no pity.

“I am sorry to leave you here, but there’s a school evening I have to attend. I hope talking to you soon. _Mowgli, come. Time to go for today.”_ , you said and allowed an even more dumbfounded Severus to open his office door for you.

On your way back, your heart could not have beaten faster.

++++++++

After that day, everything was going like clockwork for a short while. Theo and Jessica made use of your partial absence and were often seen strolling along the shore of the black lake and Hermione continued working on a real campaign with a self-confidence and determination that were truly impressive for someone her age.

Harry and you were close as ever while Mowgli, still confused about the last brewing session, befriended Hagrid, whom he had found a bit too much thus far.

As for you, your schedule was tighter than ever, and your grades had dropped a little, but still ranged between “O” and “E” only. For once, not even Dr Grass interfered with your life.

Moreover, the prospect of seeing Severus alone at least twice a week, now that the flu and colds were reaching a peak, gave you an endless amount of energy.

It was not really a wonder that having a butterbeer or actual beer after sessions became a new habit. Orion, in his element, had thankfully sent you plenty from home.

At first, you were both unaccustomed to having a beer together, but enjoyed it all the more since you got to know each other better and still got along very well.

In between music during clean-ups, discussions about the works of Tolkien and Thomas Mann, chess games that made your head spin for hours and exchanges about potions experiments, you discovered a new kind of comfort and happiness.

Severus was making efforts not to insult students when you were around, and although you would have preferred him to stop the insults generally and stick with his sardonic humour instead, you felt touched.

++++++++

On December 1st, Severus had asked to meet you in order to finish the Wolfsbane potion and as it turned out, you would not have needed to hide your own distress as he was also pacing in his office, three emptied vials of Headache Reliever already sprawled across the desk.

“How can I help you?”, you immediately asked, ignoring the bang of guilt in your stomach for being happy for this rather sad distraction.

“You can’t directly help me.”, Severus shot at you, pulling his hair. “Another break-in in my private cupboard. The same ingredients are missing and that fool of – oh, not now, Igor, I’m busy!”

You turned around and indeed, Igor Karkaroff stood in the door, looking slightly alarmed and darting you a quick but vicious glance.

“You cannot console me forever, Severus!”, he exclaimed and before you understood what this partial threat was about, Severus already stood in front of him, a grim expression on his face.

“I don’t know what you want, Igor, but I have given you everything I got. Now, if you would kindly leave… we are on a rather tight schedule.”, he hissed in a way that made your skin crawl. Severus definitely had the ability to frighten the living out of people.

Karkaroff, luckily seeing the hopelessness of this situation, turned on his heel and left without a word. With a loud bang, the door was slammed and warded.

“Lillian, could you do me the favour of accompanying me to Lupin? I don’t feel well enough to… to… to face him alone today.”, Severus asked you quietly, avoiding to even look at you. His plea was a more of a whisper than a spoken word.

Taken aback by the request, you saw how much he struggled with asking for help, maybe even with showing vulnerability or weakness in general. The more time you spent with him, the less you could supress an assumption cementing in your head. But it was not up to you to act on it. It never was.

Therefore, it felt good to see Severus’ mood lighten up a little when you naturally agreed to help him. Wearing your thickest cloaks, you passed the Entrance Hall, left behind your school’s residences and aimed for a place on the grounds you had heard of but never seen in reality.

“The Whomping Willow!”, you exclaimed, holding the magically protected goblet firmly in your hands. “Are you telling me that you meet in the Shrieking Shack?”

Severus nodded, eyeing the aggressive tree with wary and fear. It must be a painful experience all over again to go back to the place where he had first been almost killed and second attacked by three students and thereby denied the truth.

“Well, hold the goblet, Severus.”, you said. “I’m going to transform and push the small knot. And, kindly ask me again next time, will you? You don’t have to do this alone unless you want to.”

Making your way up to the Shack, you stayed in your snake form and crept side by side with Severus until the tunnel got higher and allowed him to fully stand up.

“Better stay like this, okay?”, he asked. Not knowing why, you nodded nevertheless, your eyes following his cautious steps. Goblet in one hand, wand in the other, he finally knocked against a hatch in a particular pattern and waited impatiently.

Creaking, it opened and while Severus entered the room, you stayed behind on the upper step, looking at the man who Harry had described as one of the kindest souls he ever met.

Remus Lupin had indeed a friendly aura which was not in the least overshadowed by the countless scars on his skin. Without as much as a word, Severus handed over the steaming goblet, removed the charms and sat on an old chair, waiting for his former colleague to gulp down the potion.

“Thank you, Severus.”, Lupin said halfway through and smiled a little. Concerning the state of his clothes and hair, which lacked desperately of a professional haircut, he must have been severly struggling with employment ever since his termination at Hogwarts.

Although you understood Harry’s anger with Snape and his foul way of announcing the poor man’s condition, you found it still hard to believe that Severus was capable of destroying someone’s base of life right under Dumbledore’s nose and surviving this stunt unscathed in terms of his position.

The headmaster did not strike you as a man of tit-for-tat policies, wherefore you definitely ruled out the possibility that he had kept a close eye on the matter in reward for Severus’ silence after all this time.

Whatever it was, it was likely that neither Harry nor you would ever found out without risking the trust of people you were fond of.

Severus had barely acknowledged Lupin’s words and kept staring at the shattered banister. A creak from upstairs made all of you jump and, in case of Severus, point his wand at the ceiling.

“Is good old Snivellus gone, Moony?”, a hoarse voice yelled from another part of the house and the way Severus sprang to his feet and flinched, gave you a very bad feeling about the situation.

Only seconds later, a thin man with ragged clothes, dark curls and a wry grin strutted down the stairs, eyeing Severus like prey. Sirius Black, whose warm and concerning words in the letters to Harry had deeply touched you, especially after knowing each other for such short time only, was currently the reason for one of the worst sick feelings you had ever felt.

Nevertheless, you waited. For Severus’ reaction, for Lupin’s…

“You! What are you doing here?!”, your potions master bellowed, barely restraining himself from attacking Black right away.

“Ohhh, don’t wet yourself, Snivelly.”, Black said maliciously. “I’m just here to receive a new order from Dumbledore and then I’ll be gone for a while again… How are you? Still taking pride in petting Death Eater bastards and terrorizing innocent children? Not that someone with your looks would actively have to do something for it…”

Two things suddenly happened at the same time. The just emptied goblet clanked when it met the floor and Lupin rushed forward to install himself between his friend and Severus, while you hissed loudly and approached the men as well, transforming halfway into your human form.

“Let’s go, Severus. The goblet’s empty.”, you said and had no time to analyse the bewildered look on his face as Black and Lupin, both strangers to you, eyed you with the same flabbergasted looks you had already noticed upon your arrival at Hogwarts.

“What? Never seen a woman before?”, you hissed, arms crossed and eyes glowering with annoyance.

“You’re Lillian!”, Sirius suddenly said and his body language, so far poised to attack, softened. “Harry’s told me a lot about you… Sorry about this… it’s a personal matter, but nothing to worry about.”

The grin on his lips and canting sound of his voice were reason enough to slap him across the face. Good for him that you had been raised well and gotten a bit of self-control. Coolly, you cocked an eyebrow and gently laid a hand on Severus’ back, wanting him to know that he was not alone in this.

“I would have loved to say the same about you, Sirius,” you began, stretching every word, “but unfortunately, your behaviour contradicts what I have heard and read from you so far. Leave him alone, his position is none of your business and in case you haven’t noticed, he’s been helping your friend.”

“Sirius, let it go.”, Remus murmured, obviously feeling the most uncomfortable while Severus was aiming his wand at Sirius, his eyes fixed on him.

“I thought you were on Harry’s side…”, growled Sirius. His anger and attention were now directed at you.

“Keep Harry out of this.”, you barked furiously. “How pathetic… your own godson… By the way, I am not taking sides.”

At his incredulous grunt, your temper finally snapped. Supressing the urge to hiss in Parseltongue as it always happened in cases of white fury, you took a deep breath and placed yourself right in front of Severus.

“I don’t know about you, but playing potentially lethal pranks on somebody and saying years later that it served that person right is not what I consider nice, gallant and something to be proud of. In fact, it does not give you the right to lash out at others for their behaviour, questionable as it might be. I get that you care for Harry and believe me, we all do, but for Christ’s sake; you are his godfather, his role model and if you had been given the chance to meet him earlier, you would have known that he absolutely hates bullying! Take my word for it!”

Seething, you turned to Severus and did your best to calm your voice. “I’m leaving. Are you coming?”

Finally, Severus made a move and tucked away his wand. Going backwards to the hatch as if he was too afraid to turn his back on Black, he slowly descended the stairs with an unreadable expression on his face, whereas you could not wait to leave the dreadful place.

“Fair enough, Lillian. But remember this: If you had known _him_ the way we do, you would not have wasted so much time in defending him. In fact, better have your blood status checked before you continue the assistantship. Don’t come crying to me later!”, Black called after you and before Severus could react, you closed the hatch and gently pulled him towards the tunnel.

Neither spoke a word on your way back and by the time you transformed into the snake again, you thought to see Severus’ wiping away tears. His whole body shook relentlessly, but right now, there was little you could do.

Exiting the entrance, Severus stormed off, clearly unaware of your stamina and morning runs. Soon, you were on a par and when he did not stop running, you made another bold move and held him by his sleeve.

His face, barely recognizable because of all the anger and emotions running high, was dry, but you saw the pain in his eyes nevertheless.

“You know that you can come to me whenever you want, Severus? That’s all I wanted to say for now.”, you said calmly, holding up to his piercing gaze and letting him feel the honesty in your words.

It took a few moments until Severus relaxed and did not intend to simply storm off any longer. At complete loss for words, you waited patiently for him to react at all.

“I don’t want to talk right now. But I want you to know that I don’t care about your blood status.”, he murmured and his voice, usually brimming with silk and power alike, sounded utterly defeated.

“I believe you, Severus.”, you replied and smiled encouragingly at him. “I guess we meet in class tomorrow. Try to rest a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short note: This won't turn into a story bashing character a or b... I pretty much stick with the movie quote "We've all got light and dark inside us..." 
> 
> I hope you like the further course of it! 🙏😊


	9. A Rollercoaster with a Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weeks and days prior to the Yule Ball are keeping everyone on their toes. While being confronted with bleak prospects, you soon find out that a little cunning never killed nobody. Not to mention the last brewing session before the holidays that is also waiting for you...

On the next morning, the early winter sun gloated at your miserable night’s rest and tried its best to make the day look like everything was picture-perfect. Mowgli, who had stayed behind in your caravan, eyed you questioningly as you rose, and tried to figure out why the spark in your gaze was missing, as he put it.

He was right and yet you struggled to find an appropriate explanation that would not make him find Harry’s beloved godfather repulsive. You were still believed Harry and that Sirius Black ususally was a decent person, just not when it came to Severus.

 _“You know, sometimes, people do and say stupid things and live too much in the past instead of carrying it with them as some sort of memory only.”_ , you finally said and left for breakfast.

As a lucky coincidence, the whole student body was in a weird mood today, especially the older years. Most of the boys downright sulked during the day, whereas the majority of the girls was as euphoric as hardcore fans right before a concert of their favourite music group.

Later, on your way back to the Great Hall for a quick lunch with the Gryffindors, your heart rate increased when you spotted Leopold and Bernard standing next to Harry, both grinning from ear to ear.

“Ah, look… there she is.”, Leopold greeted you and did not mind shouting across the hall. At the staff’s table, you saw Severus, looking grumpier than you had ever seen him, clench his jaw and watch the four of you from the corners of his eyes.

“Hi Leopold, do you need my help today?”, you asked straightaway, feeling zero desire to engage in small talk with him. Standing in front of them, Harry’s cheeks suddenly shone like muggle traffic lights and when you laid a hand on his shoulder, Bernhard erupted in laughter.

“He’s too cute, is he? The little boy…”, he smirked and tried to ruffle the unruly black hair, causing Harry to flinch violently.

“What is going on, Leopold? You know we’re not supposed to be out of line, especially here, of all places.”, you whispered. Fortunately, Dr Grass was nowhere to be seen, but that was also a simple question of time. The woman could be a hellhound.

“Oh, sure… you haven’t heard the news yesterday evening. Naturally, since you’ve been bending over a cauldron as always…”, he cackled, clearly amused by your bewilderment. “Dr Grass paid a visit and informed us about an unexpected task… like in old times, you remember?”

 _“There’s a Yule Ball on Christmas and I was looking for you for some advice. The git heard me talking to Ron and thinks that I wanted you to ask to be my partner. I didn’t know that-”_ , hissed Harry to you, but you did not get everything he said.

Your mind seemed to detach from your body in slow motion and long supressed memories crept through your nerve system again. Incapable of doing anything but stand and stare, you were seeing everything and nothing at once.

“Well, whatever you two were chatting… Dr Grass agreed that it was a perfect idea to pair us up for the upcoming Yule Ball, Lillian. You are going to be my dance partner and date for the night. Head boy and girl, the two of us united again. Isn’t it wonderful?”, continued Leopold, supported by a snickering Bernard.

Harry, who had noticed your shallow breathing, looked helplessly over his shoulders, apparently completely overcharged with the situation.

“No…”, you finally croaked in between curt breaths. “This is not happening. No, no, no… I… no way!”

“Too late, sweetheart. You know it’s the best for the school, for us… just look at how much could be mended over this. Don’t you think we deserve this?”, Leopold went on in a purr, whose sound turned you so inside out that you stormed off the hall in desperate need of fresh air.

++++++++

“Ms Black! Please!”

McGonagall. The second last woman you wanted to see right now. Standing in the midst of a meadow, not knowing how you had exactly gotten there, you slowly turned around and – who else could it be – saw Dr Grass already waiting by her side.

“I am not going to the ball with him! You can’t make me!”, you shouted on top of your lungs, restraining yourself from even thinking of using magic right now.

Dr Grass, sending you death glare after death glare, approached you like a panther and only stopped when you could count the fingerprints on her red glasses.

“This is standard procedure for head boy and girl, Lillian. Clearly you have forgotten about it, busy and well-connected as you are. But, silly you, you won’t be tied to Leopold all evening and I am positive that you will see and dance with your other friends as well. There is no need to worry and I would have told you sooner if you had been around.”, she sang loud and clear in an awfully friendly tone that made McGonagall nod in heavy agreement.

Then, however, she put both of her manly claws on your shoulders, pulling you closer until her face was well hidden behind your curls.

“You will be Leopold’s date for the Yule Ball or I will see to that you spend Christmas with your brother. Don’t make me remind you of our deal. Now, pull yourself together. Honestly, you’ve been on such a good way.”, she growled and let go of you as if she had burnt herself.

Her words, cold and merciless, tore you apart. Helplessly, you looked over her shoulder and saw the figures of the Weasleys, Theo, Jessica, Harry and Hermione come closer.

But it made no difference at all as you stood no chance against _her_ at the moment and worse, she knew it. Therefore, you pushed all the memories to the back of your mind, even though it made you feel like they were slowly suffocating you. After nodding and murmuring an apology, Dr Grass finally turned on her heel and with the support of McGonagall, shooed the visitors away into to the castle.

Minutes after everyone was back in the Great Hall, you still struggled to control the tremors that shook your body relentlessly.

Swaying on the spot where she had left you, the only thing you heard was the blood roaring in your ears.

Accordingly, you did not register the noise of Moody’s wooden leg. “Oi, you! What was that all about?”, he bellowed in spite of standing right behind you, apparently just returning from a trip to the forest and now taking pleasure in scaring all hell out of you.

Instead of looking at him, you simply stared straight ahead, focussing on the castle on this grey day. “Nothing, Professor Moody.”, you said flatly. “The matter’s been taken care of.”

“Doesn’t look like that to me, eh?”, he contradicted, his magical eye scanning your body multiple times. A terrible and discomforting experience. “It’s not because of that stupid ball thing, is it?”

As much as you wanted to pour out your heart, you simply could not do it. The latest news left you weak and vulnerable, a state of mind you detested so much and yet needed to endure first and overcome second. Since you were officially alone in this, you needed to be cleverer, faster, better prepared.

The only way out was to fight the situation in a defensive and cunning way and, after what felt like an eternity, your survival instinct finally kicked in.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The words cut the cold air in half, pointing at the lie that was more than blatant. As though Moody’s instincts had also kicked in, he gratefully took the opportunity and straightened his shoulders.

“Don’t lie to me, girl. I’ve had dark magic scum trying to fool me. Believe me, it did not work in the slightest. What is going on?”, he barked, sounding personally offended.

“Well, you've once been an auror. Why don’t you investigate a little during the ball and find out yourself? It’s not too hard to recognize me from afar, so to you, it should be a child’s play.”

Without waiting for an answer, you went back to the hall, determined to hide from everybody for the rest of the day and plan, now that the first precaution was taken.

++++++++

As it turned out, most of the people were far too busy with themselves to have noticed the dispute which calmed you immensely, especially after recalling Harry’s initial reaction. He was not to blame, though. At fourteen, it was probably the best for him and his friends not to get too deeply involved with all the dating stuff at all.

During one of your evenings with Jessica and Theo, they finally confessed to have asked of everyone who had witnessed the incident to leave you alone. Moreover, they had urged you to inform Orion immediately since he always seemed to know the most useful pieces of advice.

A profound gratitude filled your heart, and when they also announced that they would be going to the ball together, the joy you felt for them eliminated your worries for a blissful amount of time.

Nevertheless, first exams and tests had to studied for before the Yule break was about to start, and, as a result, your free time with Harry, the Gryffindors and Hagrid, who was still over the moon with Mowgli, was drastically cut.

No matter how much you were kept on your toes or how long you studied with Cedric and the Hufflepuffs in the library, the excitement about the Yule Ball was simply unstoppable. In fact, the whole grounds felt like brimming with hormones, constant giggles and odd but well-meant courtship behaviours.

It was no wonder that Severus’ mood worsened by the day and even after your brewing lessons, he seemed extremely withdrawn and taciturn. He had not yet approached you to talk about the evening in the Shack, and you knew better by now than to pry about it. Therefore, chess games during which neither would speak more than a few words, became your unspoken new favourite activity after work.

Orion, who had naturally guessed from your first letters that the fascination for Severus Snape was a major crush, advised you to ask him for protection in advance or during the ball, but somehow, you could not convince yourself of the idea.

You had duelled and spoken up for him, and the thought of seeking his help right now left a bad taste of pretence and cowardice in your mouth. Besides, nothing had happened yet, and, if Merlin and muggle gods had a shred of mercy with you, nothing would happen either.

No, as long as he would not open up, you would remain silent as well. Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you, your guardian had always told you. Besides, you already had Moody, Jessica and Theo watching out for you.

++++++++

During the last two weeks before the Yule Ball, just as your nervousness started to reach new levels nevertheless, new strategies and loop holes suddenly popped up. First, it was Cedric, following you to the owlery and stammering an invitation to be his date, as a matter of inter-school friendship.

Being aware of his secret interest in the Ravenclaw girl named Cho, even though he was far too polite to act on it, his sadness about your rejection was quickly forgotten when you discretely tipped him off her and offered a partner swap for a dance or two instead.

After Cedric, Fred waited for you after dinner. Guessing what he was up to, you told him in stressed words that he very well knew who was your involuntary date for the ball. He just shrugged and dragged you into a currently unoccupied classroom.

“That’s the thing, isn’t it?”, Fred grinned, and the way his eyes sparkled with mischief made you thank Merlin for gifting the world those two masterminds.

“Lillian, I don’t get your school’s thing for norms and etiquette and standards, but I get that you don’t want to spend the evening with him. Here’s what we suggest: You play nicely, have dinner at the champion’s table, have a dance with him and then join the cool boys – us, of course! If he’s a jerk… well, I don’t want to spoil the fun, but George and I are always happy to welcome new test subjects…”, Fred explained smugly, patting your shoulder and leaving faster than light.

For the first time in days, you could barely hold back a smile.

++++++++

Unfortunately, the closer the date of the ball approached, the more you struggled with nausea, spontaneous sweating and the feeling of a lump in your throat that was slowly suffocating you.

Theo and Jessica barely left you alone, sending you understanding and defeated looks at the same time as there was absolutely nothing they could do for now. When it all got too much one afternoon, you excused yourself and took care of the shipment of your Christmas presents instead, strongly hoping for some time alone in your caravan afterwards.

On your way back, though, Harry was waiting on the doorsteps already, nervously tapping his foot on the ground and jerkily checking if the environment was clear every few seconds. His intentions were clearly written on the boyish and innocent face.

“Hi Harry, you’re alright?”, you smiled at him to cover your own nervousness and lifted the wards to your small comfort zone. Blushed to the roots of his hair, you knew his answer, but Harry, ever the teen with a mouth faster than a snitch, shared a different point of view.

“Lillian, youhavetohelpmewiththegirlstuff!”, he slurred and faced the wall on which several photographs of Orion, your friends, Quidditch team and you were pinned.

“Excuse me?”

Apparently, you had misread him quite severely.

Harry took a deep breath before spinning around and plucking up his courage. “You have to help me finding someone for the ball. You girls are maddening, you know that? Always showing up in packs… it’s mental. And if you girls are asking, you do it without as much of a warning… it’s intimidating, honestly!”, he exclaimed and ruffled his untidy hair until it looked like he had not combed it for half a month at least.

“How many have you turned down?”, you asked out of curiosity and because Harry, being only fourteen years old, was so delectably cute in trying to find out about the qualities of adolescence.

“Two that I can recall, maybe more…”, he mumbled and kicked against your bin, much to the dismay of Mowgli. “But, to be frank, I need your help to ask a particular girl…” – if possible, his blush intensified – “Urgh, do you know Cho Chang from Ravenclaw? She’s a fifth year and also a seeker and… well, you can guess… sorry, I thought of asking you first, but… well… no… and after that day, I did not want to bother you...”

Pushing him down on a chair, your brain worked fast finding a way to break it to him. In the end, you decided, it was not up to you to tell him about Cedric and Cho. He needed to make this experience and maybe learn something else on top.

“First of all, Harry, no matter what I might be dealing with, you can always come to me, you understand?... Second, Hermione’s right, young man.”, you reprimanded him gently and opened a bag of chocolate frogs.

“You’re a true master at procrastination! The ball is mere days away! The only thing you can do now, darling, is getting a hold on yourself and ask her as soon as possible. My fingers are crossed that she’s still free. She seems pretty and kind and popular.”

“Oh, really? I haven't noticed _that_ …”, sulked Harry, munching on a frog and getting up already. Eyes darting between Mowgli and you, a small hiss announced the change of language.

_“Let’s spend Christmas Eve together, alright? I’m sorry to leave again, but I got a job to do… Thanks, mu- Lillian, you’re the best!”_

And he was gone. Mowgli suddenly nudged against your head, and before you could stomach the fact that Harry had almost called you mum, a glance at your watched signalled you that you were close to being late for a brewing session with Severus.

To your annoyance, it was Malfoy’s face you saw first in the dungeons. With no one around him, he looked terribly frail and even the arrogant scowl and cold eyes could not make up for his general poor posture.

“Draco, are you alright?”, you said curtly. Suddenly, his pale skin colour changed into a pink tone as well. Preparing for the worst, you cocked an eyebrow, waiting for him to make the first move.

“I would like you to go to the ball with me, Lillian.”, he said, being surprisingly earnest, but then lifted his chin which made him look all the more contradicting.

“Is that a question or an order, Draco?”, you retorted, and even though the answer was already clear, there was no harm in trying to benefit from this situation.

“I’m not used to ask questions as you should have realized that by now.”, Malfoy snapped.

Holding back another question that would certainly rile him up, you pushed him gently out of the way and eyed him from head to toe, feigned pity glistening in your gaze.

“Draco, I’m going with Leopold. Certainly, he has told you so?”, you replied coolly, sensing something you could yet not decipher.

“Fine, I knew, but that’s not the point.”, spat Malfoy, crossing his arms like a toddler shortly before throwing a tantrum. “I just wanted to apologize for telling you that you are not important. That… That was uncalled for and even if I still don’t get why you like to hang out with _them_ , I think you’re a decent and gifted person.”

Admitting feelings was definitely not a Slytherin trait, this much was clear. Moreover, the prat was cunning without end, but luckily, you have had plenty of time to study his behaviour for that this time, you did not fall for it.

“Thank you, Draco. How about one dance at the ball? Leopold will surely not mind.”, you smiled sweetly and of course, the otherwise insolent teen could not have been caught more off-guard than now. Spluttering, he knew very well that he could not turn you down right now and finally nodded.

“Prepare to be dressed accordingly, then.”, he said eventually and strutted away, reminding you again of someone who had been taught to play a certain role in his life.

++++++++

Whatever you had expected from today’s brewing session, it had had nothing to do with the lovely bouquet of flowers, box of chocolate frogs and a small black case you found on Severus’ working desk.

Astounded, you feared at first to have mixed up the date, but when curiosity took over and you slowly approached the desk, the dragon leather case was embroidered with your name.

“I never really thanked you for _the_ evening, let alone the extra time you spend here with me. Sorry about the pretence of brewing today.”

Severus’ voice, flat and hollow, came from a dark corner of his office. As he stepped out of the shadows, the dim light highlighted his striking features and gaunt appearance. He looked like apart from your lessons together, he had been also facing things that did no good to him.

“I never wanted you to get involved with my past and have you seen this side of me and… I guess, not even of Black and Lupin as well. That whole thing was stupid of me.”

At the sound of the resignation and apathy in his words, the assumption in the back of your head suddenly reached new dimensions.

His self-perception was terrifying. That fact that he had actually given you such well thought out presents for simply spending time with him and now blamed himself for a nasty conversation that you had voluntarily engaged in spoke volumes.

While your heart raced at top speed, both from the sweetness and sadness of the gesture, your mind went all blank, leaving a very confused you behind.

“You did not have to – “, you began until it hit you how much a beginning like this could sound like a rejection of his efforts. “Sorry, I mean… I feel very honoured and touched - I honestly don't really know what to say, and I am very surprised, Severus. This is so kind of you, but” – he flinched terribly at those last three letters and his face changed immediately back into the teacher-scowl he wore in class.

“But I like spending time with you and I don’t want you to think that you have to give me something in return.”, you quickly emphasized before he, the man with the shortest temper and tendency to lash out at people, could cut you across.

Thankfully, Severus had been either too busy getting back to his usual self or his mind had just started working again at the right time, because instead of trying to deny what he just had said and done, and what was certainly considered vulnerable among Slytherins, he slowly exhaled.

More or less successfully, he also tried to hide his slightly blushing cheeks with the curtain of his jet-black hair.

“Open the case, please.”, he said quickly, and it sounded suspiciously like an attempt to desperately change the focus rather sooner than later.

The case, closed with a silver buckle that symbolized two intertwined snakes, looked beautiful and was fortunately heavy enough to offset the slight trembling of your hands. The more the situation sunk in, the happier and better you felt.

In fact, appreciation and warmth flooded your body and when it creaked open, at least your heart understood that its content was not the centre of all this, rather the catalyst for another step forward.

Inside the case, there was a stunning potions knife, its blade made of what looked like goblin-made platinum, whereas the handle was of an ivory colour, engraved with runes. It looked expensive and rare. Actually, you had never seen a knife like this before, not even in specialized potions shops.

“I bought it last summer, but never felt like using it. Gifted as you are, I would like to know it in your possession.”, Severus explained matter-of-factly, carefully avoiding looking at you.

Not that you were able to see anything, blurred as the tears of joy and relief had left your sight.

Severus let you handle yourself and once your breath got a little more even, the overwhelming feeling won your inner struggle. When he placed hand on your back with gentle pressure, the strength to lift your head and broadly smile at him with wet eyes, returned to your body.

“This is… this is so much. I’ll never be able to thank you enough, Severus. You really – “

“I wanted to, Lillian, and there is nothing you can change about it.”, he interrupted without sternness or displeasure echoing in his voice. “Besides, rumour has it that Christmas is only days away.”

“I don’t have anything for you.”, you said, now affected by a wave of sadness that was overshadowing the smirked remark quite brutally.

“Actually, there is something you can do, Lillian.”, Severus said, and the sardonic undertone was replaced by an earnestness and determination you had only heard from Gryffindors so far.

“Don’t let them get you, you hear me? Especially not during that wretched ball. Do what you have to do and then leave to have some fun, alright?”

Of course, he knew about the incident. Fighting against the reappearing lump in your throat and knot in your stomach, you managed to give him a tight smile.

“Would you like to talk about it?”, he asked and summoned two butterbeers.

Sighing, you evaluated your options. While you did not believe that Severus would sell you out to Dr Grass and you were sure that he would understand you better than anyone, you did not want to stain this wonderful surprise and gentleness by reopening old sores.

On the other side, the letter from Orion popped up in your head and suddenly, you remembered something important. Searching your bag for your notebook, you focused on a steady and even breathing.

“It’s not because of you or that I don’t trust you, Severus.”, you said quietly and opened up one of the first pages.

Your uncontrolled emotions had cost you valuable time and caused so much worry that it would not be a surprise if he was unable to help you on such short notice.

“I’m just worried and until I don’t have proof that justifies my feelings, I am just trying to be prepared. Don’t bother with it, unless you want to look at these notes and tell me if I could have prepared the potion by Christmas.”

Severus snatched the notebook gruffly from you and studies the page for a couple of minutes. According to the frown, clenched jaw and strongly controlled exhales, he was already putting two and two together.

As though someone had pushed a bottom, his features and eyes went all neutral and blank, almost cold and empty, when he looked at you again. Whatever sort of magic or self-control it was, you needed to find out more about it. It reminded you of your mind shields, but far more stable and advanced. 

“So, you are speculating whether history repeats itself or not. Clearly, that’s nothing to worry about or bother at all.”, Severus stated cynically before he realized how inappropriate his normal way of speaking sounded in this situation.

“I see what I can do.”, he quickly added, much silkier and calmer. “Would it also help if I watched out for you during my chaperone duty?”

One more, you thought, and nodded. Hogwarts, despite keeping you on your toes, had done wonders in gifting you incredible friends in such short time.

“It’s the least I can do, Lillian.”, he said curtly and gulped down his remaining half of the butterbeer while yours was still pretty full.

Inhaling the scent of the flowers, a nice arrangement of peonies, gypsophila, white roses and gerbera, you smiled absentmindedly and could finally appreciate the fact that you were sitting on his working desk right next to him.

In spite of everything questionable about his teaching methods and apparent social discomfort, he had made more than a than a great effort today and likely ever since the delivery of the Wolfsbane. The thoughtfulness of his presents sent wonderful and pleasant shivers down your spine.

If he was making such a move, maybe it was time to do the same instead of hiding behind the hopes of your heart. Mowgli and Orion had been right about teasing you for secretly dreaming of dancing with him on any ball instead of every other man in the world.

“Dance with me. If I don’t get to choose someone on my own, not that I would have been allowed to ask you anyway, dance with me now. Right here, in your office.”, you said with a sound voice, brimming with determination and desire.

The words had slipped your tongue before your mind could reconsider the idea of letting your heart control this nice situation for a change.

Severus, who almost fell from his own desk, stared at you in disbelief, but again, there was no venom or aggression in his demeanour. If anything, he searched your eyes for a sign of… well, it could be either mockery or honesty, given the general suspicion he had of everything and everybody.

Suddenly, he sprang to his feet, straightened his teaching robes and held out a hand while the other turned on the radio with a lazy wrist movement.

Once you took his hand more timidly than you had planned to, if one could actually speak of planning, he moved with you across the office in soft swirls and gentle movements, his hand holding you as though you were something utmost fragile and therefore valuable.

Severus spun you on the spot, swayed with you and carefully ensured that you would be neither too close nor too far away from him.

Soon, the first song ended, then the second and even a third.

Neither of you cared if your movements perfectly matched the rhythms and beats. In fact, it could not have been more unimportant.

When the last song was about to level off, he gave you a tender kiss on the back of your hand and slightly bowed his head.

The electricity that sprung from your body to the atmosphere and back was sheerly overwhelming and, according to a glow you had never seen on Severus’ face before, the spark and crackling tension was apparently not only fuelled by your own state.

Severus picked up the bouquet of flowers, chocolate frogs and black case for you before escorting you to his warded office door. You had not even seen him doing it.

“I look forward to seeing you after the Yule days, Lillian. Take care of you.”, he said hoarsely and seemed uncertain about how to bid you goodbye after whatever exactly had just happened.

Unable to help him in this situation, you simply leaned forward and gave him a peck on his cheek like Jessica recently did with Theo.

His skin, softer than expected and smooth as silk, tasted of forest herbs and a soft summer breeze.

There was still so much to talk about, let alone to really get to know each other, but for the time being, you felt a profound happiness and confidence settle inside you, so vivid that even the upcoming Yule Ball could not really frighten you any longer.


	10. Une Femme like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hours before and during the Yule Ball keep everybody busy, first an foremost with unexpected turn of events.

The nerves of Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, Durmstrang and Elfenstein were on the edge. Everybody could tell, from over-worked owls to a very confused basilisk to excited students to exasperated teachers. The Yule Ball was hours away and even though Theo, Jessica and you had spent a wonderful and relaxing Christmas Eve amongst the Gryffindors, your own nervousness now reached a new peak.

Severus had not contacted you since your last meeting. The waiting for any sign left you torn between worry and fear. It was more than understandable if he regretted his unprofessional behaviour and now tried to keep a larger distance. Perhaps, it was only for the notes of your potions experiment which were just not good enough to turn them into success in such a short amount of time.

Jessica, Hermione and you had left snowball fight with the boys early in order to get ready, and even if Hermione refused to tell anyone of her date, the way she kept looking out for a secret bookworm from another school spoke volumes. Without even telling you, she just stormed off to the castle.

“You’ll be alright, Lillian?”, asked Jessica seriously while trying to tame your curls into something less corkscrew-like and wavier. Her dark hair was already pinned up into a very nice and elegant chignon which perfectly highlighted her bright blue eyes and thin neck.

After all those weeks in Scotland, the both of you finally enjoyed some quality time together in your caravan. It was just the two of you, like during your girl’s nights back at Elfenstein.

“I’m fine.”, you mumbled, knowing what she was hinting at. “I’m prepared in several ways, so please do enjoy your evening with Theo, okay?” You did not dare to look at her and focused on your black velvet evening gown that Orion had gifted you for Christmas.

It was a modified A-Line dress with short sleeves made of a simple but delicate lace. You liked it a lot and secretly swore to wear it for Severus, and him only.

“Oi! Did you hear me?”

Jessica sounded slightly annoyed, as she always did when somebody was daydreaming. She pointed at Severus’ flowers which stood on your nightstand, looking even more stunning on the white surface than in the dungeons. “I was wondering where you got this amazing bouquet of flowers?”

The flowers, of course. You had hidden the casket and already shared the chocolate frogs with everybody yesterday night, but completely forgotten about the flowers.

“I heard this strange Ravenclaw girl babbling about a shop near her father’s and I thought I could give it a try.”, you lied smoothly, knowing that there was no way to tell her the truth.

As expected, Jessica looked ready to ask for more information, but when a small black owl appeared on your window and startled a sleepy Mowgli – who did not care about the human fuss at all – her attention shifted to the small vial it had delivered. A small note was attached to the bottleneck.

Severus had succeeded. Excitement, hope and panic fought a battle inside you whether to catch and hide the vial and thereby risking to raise suspicion, or act as if there was nothing unusual about the delivery. Naturally, panic cut out the others. There was simply no way for you to have ever ended up in a house like Gryffindor.

“Tut-tut, you’re not supposed to move, darling.”, Jessica hissed in fear that you were about to ruin her efforts, pushing you back into the chair. “I take care of this. You relax.”

She snatched the vial and the note, unaware of a new kind of fear you felt exploding in your stomach. This was the last thing you wanted; having her find out about him like this. You had rather lived with the disappointment that he could not have helped you than felling forced to let Jessica know now the details about your assistantship in passing, or at all.

 _“Lillian, I have made some minor adjustments, but in general, this potion is ingenious! You should patent it! Three drops per goblet will suffice. Good luck for tonight. If anything happens, know that I’ll be around.”,_ Jessica read aloud and suddenly gasped.

“In the abstract, there is absolutely no chance that this flower shop of yours is located somewhere in the Hogwarts dungeons, is it? – Oh my god, Lillian! What? How? Why?”

There was a reason her animagus form was a raven. Smart and logical as hell, she instantly stopped working on your hair and sat right in front of you. Her neutral tone carefully hid whether excitement, disappointment or disgust dominated her feelings.

“It’s not like that, Jess.”, you said quietly and wiped away some stray tears. Your best friend lifted your chin with a single finger and forced you to meet the earnest but open look in her eyes.

“We… We get along and after the incident in the Great Hall, I asked him for some help in advance. Just in case… well… you know I’m not supposed to speak of it, therefore it’s all cryptical…”

– Jessica nodded vigorously in the direction of the flowers –

“… Oh, that… Really, it’s nothing… I helped him with a private matter – no, nothing like that!!!”, you immediately yelled and the sound of your agitated voice finally woke Mowgli. He gave Jessica a dirty look, but she, knowing that he posed no danger for her, coolly ignored him.

You, on the other side, struggled with the situation as there was no way to keep everything secret about Severus’ personal affairs without leaving the impression that the both of you were engaged in a superficial student-teacher-relationship.

Jessica or Severus. For now, it looked like you had to decide whose trust was less valuable than the other’s. The simple idea of it killed you inside and the lump in your throat reappeared, choking you worse than ever.

Unable to continue, your whole body started to shake and since the last days and weeks had troubled you so much that your mind shields were barely existing, more tears stained your cheeks.

“Do you like him?”, asked Jessica, taking control over the conversation. Her voice was neutral and distanced and you could literally see her thoughts spin in her head.

“Yes. I really like him, actually.”, you whispered, still shaking from head to toe. That was not a lie and it was not forbidden to like a teacher, just like it was apparently allowed to hate one with passion.

Mowgli put his head on your lap and allowed you to pat his snout, something he rarely did. He even tried to calm you by silently hissing the melody of a lullaby you used to sing to him when he was younger.

“Does he like you?”, Jessica demanded to know.

“As far as he is capable of liking people, I would say so, yes.”

What else could you have said instead? Your best friend just snorted and when she finally had a laughing fit, you knew that she would not go and report the undoubtedly dubious connection she just had discovered.

Grown up in a family of politicians and Ministry workers, she was the most more rule-consistent and obedient to protocols among you three, but as a loyal and selfless friend, she would never mock you.

“You know what you are putting at risk, do you? You know that everybody is watching you already? You know what they say about him not only studying the Dark Arts, but being an expert?”

Her questions were reasonable and entirely justified. Still, you could not detect any hidden accusation in them. Jessica was likely checking on your sanity and, given the simple facts, she was right to do so.

“I know. And I’ve decided that he is worth every potential risk.”, you replied as calmly as she had asked her questions. Another advantage of her family background: Jessica had learned about diplomacy and rhetoric long before she had ridden her first toy broom or said the word ‘magic’.

While she took in your response, your mind shifted to Severus and how you had fully understood on your way back, flowers in hand, that this was not about a crush or silly fascination any longer. It was about love.

The music, the chess games, the enjoyable conversations, the pleasant silence, the easy-going assistantship and how you both calmed down while working together, his acceptance and care of Mowgli… the feeling of safety, profound happiness, underlined by the naturalness of your interactions after such short time… You saw each other as the persons you were, not as the greasy bat of the dungeons or the freakily talented orphan.

Regardless of his gruffness and mood swings, regardless of the fact that you suspected him to have gone through more than one traumatic experience and however their consequences were affecting him until today, you wanted to be by his side. As a partner, friend and lover.

Lost in thoughts, you realized quite late that Jessica had pulled you into a tight hug. Drawing soothing circles on your back, she slightly rocketed you back and forth until you were ready to listen to whatever she had to say now.

“That’s fine for me… for now – oh, Lillian, I was never going to stab you in the back! You are my best friend and I love you dearly. All I want for you is to be safe and happy, despite and because of everything. By the way, did you really expect to fall for someone normal?!...”, she said with determination in her voice. However, sudden lines of worry appeared on her forehead.

“It’s a shame that we are running out of time to talk about it from girl to girl. But; I want you to be careful about this and about yourself, especially tonight.”

She took a deep breath, like always when she was about to reveal something unpleasant.

“Boys from all schools have been talking about you and how to get to a ‘femme like you’, and whatever exactly had happened last ball, I don’t want a repetition of it… You’ve been too busy to actually notice… He may care about you, otherwise he would not have added this note and sent you flowers, but he can’t be your knight in shining armour as long as we are students. Besides, tell him to be more subtle next time. I thought he was a Slytherin. Doesn’t he know that girls spend hours together to get ready for a ball? This” – she pointed equally curious and worried at the note – “is far from being discrete!”

“Actually, I don’t think he’s that social to think of such stuff at all. I even wonder if he’s wearing something else than his frock coat for a change…”, you replied and let her finish your hair again. Jessica, who seemed to be done with the subject for now, just smirked.

“We’ll talk after the ball, you hear me, young lady? I can’t believe that my best friend is about to have her first relationship and left me without the faintest idea.”, she said playfully offended and cheekily pulled a peony out of the bouquet. Before you were able to protest, the flower stem was transfigured into a bracelet, so that the flower itself was turned into a very lovely decoration.

“At least he knows now that your thoughts are with him.”, she grinned and had you laughing again. “Now, get up and help me getting ready. I am determined to leave Theo head over heels with me.”

++++++++

As it turned out, the Yule Ball was a socially delicate affair. Other than having hundreds of adolescent boys and girls running around, desperately trying to impress each other, Dumbledore seemed to have invited the Ministry officials again.

With Leopold by your side, who was strutting around the beautifully decorated Great Hall, you were dragged in front of cameras and introduced to many apparently important English wizards and witches. He had not said much to you in private so far, so maybe the prospect of a calm and uneventful night was not completely ruled out.

While Dr Grass and Leopold openly gushed over your ‘mature and graceful’ look in front of the elderly and partly greedily staring officials, the assistant of the absent Mr Crouch, who looked suspiciously like another Weasley, eyed you disapprovingly.

“You look like you’re attending a funeral, Lillian Black. At least do something about your face expression. So far, I have heard better things of you.”, he said crossly and his pompous nature left him entirely unaffected by Leopold’s straightened shoulders. Thankfully, Fred and George appeared out of nowhere and saved you from the first potentially unpleasant situation.

“Our elder brother, Percy. Don’t bother, he’s – ”

“ – the reason why you turned out twins.”, you finished for them and had everyone laughing. The two masters of mischief just winked at you and made their way through the crowd to Ludo Bagman, whom you had never really seen before. He looked a bit stressed and slightly too garish, but his aura revealed nothing dangerous.

“Hi Lillian… Leopold.”, said Harry and appeared right behind you, followed by Cedric and Cho, Fleur and Roger Davies and, finally, Viktor and, of course, Hermione. She looked absolutely stunning in her blue cloak and sleek hair.

“Harry, darling. You look dashing!”, you exclaimed, ignoring the rude way Leopold squeezed your hand. Harry, who had definitely noticed the gesture, quirked an eyebrow and quickly changed the subject to Ron and his pitiful dress robes, nonverbally asking if you could not help him out.

But as much as you would have loved to, the official part begun and the champions, alongside the headmistresses and -masters opened the feast.

Leopold and you played your part well; he as the promising offspring of one of the oldest families back home and you as the gifted and eloquent orphan and the first potions assistant of Hogwarts in two centuries, of course.

The champion and the allrounder, a picture-perfect couple. Dr Grass, dressed in a grey high-necked gown, was unable to stop smiling at you as though she wanted to say that you had been making much ado about nothing.

For the next two hours, you were busy exchanging pleasantries, talking about transfiguration and the German wizarding world and enduring Karkaroff’s reprimand of Viktor for revealing too much about their school, whereas Fleur badmouthed the efforts of Hogwarts quite shamelessly.

“She’s so bitchy because of you, honey.”, Leopold purred in your ear. “Nobody can get their eyes off you for more than five minutes and as much as I disapprove, they’ve got a point, you know.”

Your stomach almost flipped at his words, but thankfully, it was time for the dance and the new task forced him to shut up for a while.

Of course, Leopold soon held you much too close and manoeuvred you across the area in a disgustingly bragging and possessive way. Stoically, you reminded yourself that everything was going to be alright, that you had thought of many loopholes and several people were already watching out for you.

Indeed, Harry was keeping so much eye contact with you that he constantly stepped on his partner’s toes until they both decided to sit down with Ron and her twin sister. Fred and George were also in their element and had apparently instructed their classmates to dance close to you. Finally, from the corner of your eyes, you spotted Severus and Moody watching over everybody, a grim expression on their faces.

“Care for a little more privacy?”, Leopold asked at some point, again pulling you closer.

Do not provoke him, you admonished yourself and forced your brain to work fast.

“I’d care for a drink, Leopold. Thank you.”, you therefore replied flatly, fingers clutched around your small handbag. A long sigh escaped your mouth once he was out of sight and promptly, the next loophole appeared.

“There you are, Lillian. Dance with me, now.”

Malfoy had found you, looking very determined to keep his word. He invited you with a surprisingly elegant bow. Luckily, the boy knew how to move, unknowingly granting you time to think while he only reached up to your shoulders and tried his best to ignore his house mates’ snickers.

“You look beautiful, by the way. A bit like my mother in fact, even though her hair and the colour of her eyes are much different than yours, a bit more noble I’d say. You’ve got a good posture, though, and an awful lot of grace, like we already told you weeks ago.”, he babbled, hardly looking up in your face. Suddenly, someone fought his way through the crowd of Slytherins, who were attentively watching the dance. For a brief moment, you wondered if Severus had –

“Draco, I told you that she is mine for tonight!”, shouted Leopold although he was already standing right next to you again. A goblet with a golden beverage was roughly pushed into your hand. Leopold was inwardly seething, you could tell, but instead of openly displaying his anger, a maniac glimmer appeared in his eyes, causing Draco to immediately step back.

“Come on, now. We’ve got to talk to other people as well. Bedtime, Draco!”, Leopold commanded sharply.

It was all you needed to know.

++++++++

Convincingly telling Leopold to wait for him by the doors, you left a baffled Malfoy behind, passed the fighting Ron, Harry and Hermione and searched the hall for either the Weasley twins, your best friends, Moody or Severus.

None of them were around and according to Cedric, who bumped right into you, they had not been seen for two songs at least.

The dance with Malfoy had left you totally unaware of the amount of time passed. Sweat started to form on your forehead and blood was pounding in your veins that it actually hurt.

“Cedric, I don’t have time for this!”, you panted when he wanted to drag you to a near chair and get you something to drink. Close to fighting him physically, you shoved your clutch and the goblet in his hands and shot Cho an unmistakable look. “Take them and go to Snape. He knows what to do. It’s urgent. Snape, then alert Moody. No one else can know.”

Without waiting for a response, you turned on your heel, running towards an impatiently pacing Leopold who instantly relaxed once you stood in front of him.

To your surprise, regret and worry were written all over his face. Maybe, you were really making mountains out of molehills and becoming paranoid.

“Sorry for being rude, Lillian… I know I can do better, but…”, Leopold said softly, gnawing on his lips like he always had done when you were younger.

“It’s just… I’m worried and something’s not right… In fact, I’ve got to tell you something.”, he went on mysteriously, always glancing over his shoulder to ensure that you were not overheard.

“It’s about Harry and how he had gotten into the tournament. I’ve been doing a little research and there’s so much not alright in this country… Honestly, stay away from Cedric… I’ve heard something at the bar and being around the Slytherins is of great help sometimes. Harry’s in grave danger. We, ahem, maybe should just not be talking about it right here.”, he admitted and nodded to the stair that led down to the dungeons.

Slytherins, the supposedly bad guys… the house of You-Know-Who, Harry’s arch enemy who did not even possess a body of his own at the time. You knew about the hatred between the snakes and lions and that Malfoy’s father were known as supporters of the monster.

These were alarming news, indeed, but before you could scold yourself for having been too ignorant to eventually find out yourself, Leopold was already leading the way. 

Passing the Entrance Hall, you tried again to spot Theo, Jessica, Severus, Moody or the twins, but they all seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth. The only closer person you could see was Hagrid, eagerly leading Madame Maxime out of the castle. He shot you a questioning look, but simply nodded when you mouthed ‘Harry’ in his direction.

Leopold and you left behind the worn stairs, passed a couple of curiously watching portraits and flickering torches. You turned left, then right, then twice left again and soon, you found yourself in a part of the dungeons you never had seen before.

“Leopold, we should not walk away this far. Nobody is in the dungeons but us, and if Dr Grass needs us, we should show up again quickly. Honestly, I don’t want to get into trouble.”, you said, trying to hide the nervousness in your voice.

This was far beyond your comfort zone, but then again, whoever had made Harry join the tournament was unlikely interested in anything nice. Be brave like a Gryffindor for once, you scolded yourself.

Your fellow head student did not respond to your comment. In fact, he did not even look at you but suddenly stormed towards the door of an abandoned potions classroom, his hand tightly closed around yours.

“Well, do you expect the ones responsible for Harry’s situation operating where any sneaking student could find them? That’s poor for a woman like you, Lillian… Darling, you did not have a bit much, haven’t you?”, he teased and opened the creaking door.

The last thing you saw before an unbearable pain soared through your nerve system was a grinning Bernard, his wand straight out aimed at you. Within the blink of an eye, your world blackened.


	11. A very distorted Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding yourself at Leopold's mercy, time is working against you. With no friends and associate partners around, you are forced to discover a terrible truth that is putting your life and autonomy at risk.
> 
> Warning: Mention of sexual assault & past attempted rape

Wherever you were, you deserved it, out of sheer naivety and stupidity. The surface you were apparently laying on was ice cold and uncomfortable, splinters of something hard were already tangled up with your dress and seemed to hold you back even more.

As much as you wanted to hold back a groan and act as though you still were unconscious, the jabbing pain in your limbs and head forced you to let it out nonetheless.

“She’s waking up.”, said a muffled voice. Although it sounded miles away, you noticed the way satisfaction and triumph dripped from it, making your blood run cold and hair stand on the end.

“About time.”, snapped another voice. “I almost thought of forcing her to come back. How much time do we still have?”

“Fifteen minutes, I think….”, the other voice replied. The longer you just laid there and listened, the more you realized the extent of your mistake. How long have you already been absent and how much longer would it take for anyone to notice?

“You think? Idiot, we have exactly ONE go at this!”, bellowed Leopold, apparently standing right next to you. The volume of his voice brought you close to passing out again.

“By the way, what have you done to her? I told you a stunning hex would suffice!”

“It’s fifteen minutes, okay? And after she duelled those two freak professors, I thought a Cruciatus might be more effective…”, Bernard yelled back, apparently busy with a boiling fluid which smelled awfully like sweat, chestnut blossoms and something sweetish.

“Good thinking. The curse is not too bad if it’s only used once or twice on somebody.”, Leopold agreed before violently shaking you until you opened your eyes.

“Hello darling, sorry about the stunt…”, he greeted you with false friendliness. Recognizing the mania in his eyes, you immediately wanted to get up and grab the wand in your holster around your ankle, but the harder you tried, the more your mobility was restricted.

Too late, you felt the chains and cuffs around your feet and wrists, holding you back. Apparently, you were tied to an old teacher’s desk. “What the fuck do you want, Leopold?”, you screamed at him, a blind fury building inside your chest.

“Lillian, Lillian… You really do not feel fit tonight, do you? And I did not expect you to be this… feisty and fierce…”, said Leopold in a soft singsong voice while he circled the desk like a lion eyeing his prey.

The goblet. Whatever he had put inside, it had been supposed to relax you, make you servile and compliant even. One of the five poisons your potion could detect, your rational mind noticed matter-of-factly.

“Ahhh, your common sense is coming back… took you long enough, eh? But I knew that no matter how you would try to escape me tonight, you would forget about everything once you heard that your precious little Harry Potter was in danger….”

His voice and whole demeanour shook you to the core. When you spotted your wand in his hand, it was as though he had punched you in the guts. The little chances that you were left with to break yourself free had just gotten closer to zero.

“But since we have a little spare time, let me tell you from the start: I want you, Lillian, what else. Really, try for a better question next time... you already know how long I’ve been wanting you and what a good boy I have been in the past…”

Leopold could as well have laid a ton of bricks on your chest. You struggled to breathe evenly and with each second going by, your heart rate increased, causing you to sweat and frantically turning your head from left to right. The moment you tried to scream for help, Leopold coldly shoved his cravat right into your opened mouth.

“Make one move or noise and suffer the consequences for the rest of your life, Lillian. So far, you have to fear no harm or whatsoever from me.”, he hissed, his face dangerously close to yours.

Turning away from the table, he then begun strutting across the classroom, glancing at the giant cauldron Bernard tried to keep under control and absentmindedly brushing his fingers over the dusty old desks and chairs of a Hogwarts generation from long time ago.

“You know when it all started…. Exactly 1.277 days ago. It was a beautiful summer, do you remember? My parents invited you often to our summer residence and you enjoyed it there quite a lot, I daresay. Anyways, as best of friends that we were ever since we attended Elfenstein for the first time, I sensed that you were starting to feel different about me and to be honest, I could not have been luckier since I have always felt like this about you.”

Leopold sounded like a mad storyteller, but that was unfortunately the best part of all this. Of course, you knew about your rather short and sorry relationship and could guess why he rolled out the old chestnut again, but as much as you wanted to shout at him and telling him how much of a sick, obsessive psychopath he was, you were restricted in every possible way of communication.

Apart from the cravat, the lump in your throat had naturally reappeared and compared to the already grown panic in your caravan, it was now at least thrice as big. You were struggling for air, shifting your torso and not caring if you hurt yourself or not.

According to the way Leopold was watching you, anything was better than to look like a pretty and well-fed pig for slaughter.

“We got together, Lillian, and the happiest year of my life had begun. At least, I thought as much.”, continued Leopold, not caring how watery your eyes were already becoming. His voice was cold and yet filled with melancholy.

“On our last Yule Ball, after we’ve had plenty of time to discover ourselves, to prepare ourselves… when I was about to do simply what was right, what is still natural… you dared to reject me... ‘ _Oh no, Leopold, I am not ready for this… of course, I love you, but I can’t…. don’t do that, Leopold, you are scaring me!’_ ”, he mocked you, whereas the panic inside you reached a new level, leaving you helpless with the worst sort of tremors on the table. A cold smile was all he granted you.

“You know very well that you did not want to, because you did not love me enough. Something, someone was holding you back and just when I was about to claim what was mine, you did the unforgivable – don’t deny it, I know what you did, because I felt it!”, he growled and when a muffled cry escaped your throat, his hard slap across your face almost knocked you out.

“Anyway…”, he went on as though nothing had happened. “While I was laying on the ground screaming, the fucking stranger appeared and alarmed the fucking school… Fortunately, Dr Grass knows my parents and the way I was raised… so she understood and knew that I would have never forced somebody to do something that wasn’t right… it was such a lucky coincidence that father also had been invited to the ball…”

The sound of the boiling potion almost drowned out Leopold’s voice which had become hardly more than a whisper. He was lost in thoughts and did not even react to Bernard’s countdown.

“Father was the only one apart from me who truly saw your potential, your grace, your worth… not only to the whole community, but especially to our family… He rushed to our little hide in the garden with Dr Grass, and then alternated her memory a little, for good measure, so to speak… to ensure that she would think it was a mere teenager couple quarrel after a couple of beers… neither he nor I wanted you to be expelled. We knew that one day, you would be ready and we could not have accepted someone with a stained CV in our family…”

At the mention of Dr Grass, you felt like throwing up. Apart from the attempted rape, the fact that Dr Grass, always rational and unaffected, had not believed you and ignored the clear sign of your torn robes had hurt the most. No matter how strict she was with you, accusing you for sending false signals had definitely destroyed something inside you. Now that you knew that three years of additional tension between you were for naught, another jab hit you hard.

“Anyway… the stranger had left in a hurry, forgetting about his basilisk egg with the toad and of course, you were allowed to keep it in exchange for revealing nothing at all to anyone in our world… cunning of you to fill in your brother instead, by the way. I’ve got to give you credit for that. With a basilisk around you, an officially terminated relationship and our common status as top students, father advised me to leave you alone until you were old and mature enough… but, that’s the thing, Lillian… we are running out of time and this is my last chance.”

He was standing right beside you again and when he pulled out a large knife, whose blade flashed dangerously in the dim light of the torches, another choked yelp escaped you.

“I don’t expect you to consent, but you don’t need to any longer… You see, by keeping our relation to a normal bickering through all this time, I could study you and plan. I sensed from time to time that you were still hoping to find in me what you yourself had destroyed that night… it gave me hope… so, here we are…”

– he waved his hand lazily between you, the cauldron and him – 

“Well, it was neither easy nor difficult, actually… a bit out of the norm, but I allowed for it since it’s you we are talking about… we have learned all about flesh rituals in Dark Arts; and the restriction section of this library provided me with the necessary details… Malfoy, ever so interested in good connections for his own father, was too happy to make contact with a shop owner in Knockturn Alley… I could not risk to steal anything here, with you running around as the bat’s assistant, but it was nice to explore the dungeons anyway… In fact, this is like a late anniversary, don’t you think?”

He looked down at a writhing you who did not care whether the cuffs cut your flesh or not. Neither did he.

“I don’t understand why you are so stubborn and ungrateful… We used to be FRIENDS, Lillian, who confided in each other… You’re an indigent orphan with nothing but her looks, her kindness and her brains and I am the selfless heir with an equal brain and more experience in the society… not to mention my power and wealth… we would be perfect, illimitedly resourceful… you see, Lillian, once your body is bonded to mine, we’ll be king and queen of the world. I love you, Lillian.”

Leopold needed help, as did you, and quicker than him, but even in this moment of unbearable peril, your mind could not help but wonder why he was only referring to your body. As though he had correctly interpreted the slight widening of your eyes and the cocking right eyebrow that always appeared when you did not understand something properly, he smiled.

It was a horrible smile and made you feel like he had been waiting for this reaction.

“A minute, mate!”, Bernard suddenly bellowed and extinguished the flames.

“I don’t care if your heart or mind think of somebody else. In fact, I think it’s better to leave you with a bit of independence for you can run a business of your own, for example, instead of being an all-time bonded housewife. Anyway, your wild charm will likely prove itself useful in every matter... Plus, you’ve rejected me so often that I don’t care that much about you anymore. I only care for the greater good and finally making you mine which includes…”

– he roughly pulled up your dress and cut your slip with the terrible knife–

“… our future offspring… and now, time for your secretion… mine’s already added… I thought we rather enjoy our real first time together at a later point, somewhere more romantic, so please excuse this stoic way… after all, I have trained a lot during the past three years… you won’t be disappointed, I promise!”

Being trapped with no way to escape, you squeezed your eyes shut and cried through the gag while your body was on autopilot, writhing more uncontrollable than ever. Tears streamed down your face and for the first time in your life, you wished that your parents would have dropped you in some canal where nobody had found you in time.

Let down by Severus, your friends and your Defence teacher, you fought the hopeless battle nevertheless, for the sake of your own dignity.

– BANG –

But before Leopold’s finger touched you, the door unhinged and in the room stormed Dumbledore, Severus, Moody, Hagrid and Dr Grass, wands at the ready.

“ONE MORE MOVE AND I’LL KILL YOU, BASTARD!”, bellowed Moody, already sending body-binding and stinging hexes at Leopold who was now rolling on the ground beneath the old teacher’s desk.

Dumbledore immediately took care of Bernard, who desperately tried to vanish the potion, while Dr Grass and Severus approached you.

“My girl, what happened here? What did you do?”, she asked, her eyes burning with confusion and anger.

“HOW ABOUT COVERING HER NAKEDNESS AND SAVING HER FROM THE GAG, YOU OLD HAG!”, Severus shouted at her before he elbowed her out of the way.

His body shook visibly and he needed to use his wand to charm your clothes back into their right places before he gently pulled the cravat out of your mouth.

Violently coughing and spluttering, your body left Severus barely enough time to summon the old bin in which you could finally throw up in. Blinded by tears, you sobbed relentlessly, not actually realizing how he held back your hair and whispered countless apologies in your ear from behind.

He even held you long after the vomiting stopped, when you were nothing more but a numb picture of misery.

“We’ve got you, Lillian…”, Dumbledore said softly at one point. Moody and Hagrid were nowhere to be seen, as were Leopold and Bernard. Maybe they had been brought somewhere else, but you did not really care at the moment. Something else was boiling inside you besides the still raging terror and fear.

“Where have you been?”, you whispered hoarsely, finally facing a still shaken Severus. “Where have all of you been?”

“What does she mean? What have you been doing here all along should be asked instead!”, interrupted Dr Grass, and even though you now knew that she was still under a partly wrong impression, your magic decided for you that enough was enough.

Like in trance, you slowly stood up, ignoring the groggy feeling in your knees and held out your hand towards her. Magic danced around you and filled every fibre of your body with a force that only had been held back until now because of the sincere regret of what you had done to Leopold last time. An eye for an eye was simply never a true option, but right now, you felt like you were left without alternatives.

With a piercing cry, Dr Grass suddenly fell to her knees, writhing in pain and agony until you decided to feel sorry enough for her to make it stop. Dumbledore and Severus had automatically drawn their wands, but once her yelling had ebbed away, you calmly addressed them.

“It’s not a Cruciatus and it’s under control. I just made her feel what I had to endure, all the pain and the fear and the...”, you said with a voice as hollow and weak that your sub-conscience did not recognize it as yours at first.

“Lillian?”, Dumbledore asked quietly. “Would it be possible for you to accompany me to my office and show me your memories? I just need the string for my pensieve, so you could go and rest afterwards. If you feel comfortable, maybe allow Dr Grass and Severus to see them as well. I think there is much to sort out.”

While you thought about it, Severus jerkily turned to Dumbledore, his face white with fury.

“Did you see what almost happened to her? Get her to the hospital wing and have her take a Dreamless Sleep Potion and a Calming Draught!”

“I don’t want to sleep, not even with Mowgli by my side. Not in an easily accessible place.”, you cut him across automatically.

“You can have the memories, Professor Dumbledore, but I must insist that you also see an older one. Don’t, Dr Grass.”, you hissed sharply when she already opened her mouth to object.

“Whatever you say now, you’ll regret it terribly. That’s a promise!... Now, where have you been?”

Dr Grass, taken aback by the sudden determination in your otherwise weak voice and intimidated by the death glare Severus gave her, nodded vigorously and already turned towards the door. You did not really care about her, because after all, she had not promised to keep an eye on you.

“Where have you been?”

You were fully aware that your soft spot for Harry and openness had partly brought you into this situation as well, but that was not the point now. One could hardly expect people to pretend to be someone else, just in order that they could live in peace alongside a sick psychopath. 

No, you were hurt because of the false feeling of security you had felt and you desperately wanted to yell at Severus, at all of them who had broken their promises, but instead, another faint whisper slipped your tongue. "Where have you been?"

Dumbledore and Severus violently flinched and the thought that your involuntarily quiet accusation was probably worse than an open conflict, left a scrap of satisfaction in your soul.

“Lillian, if you are fine with the proposition, you may stay in my quarters. They are heavily warded. I’ll fetch Mowgli for you and be on patrol for the remainder of the night.”, Severus said instead of answering your question. He apparently did not care that his employer was standing within earshot.

“Where have you been? I won’t ask again.”

“I was looking for you, but I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I can't tell you how sorry I am. Look at me, please!”

The softness of Severus’ voice finally got to you and when your eyes locked with his for a moment, you could see indeed guilt and self-reproach rage behind his black pools that glistened like you never had seen them before. After some torturously long seconds, your heart finally believed him.

“Fetch Mowgli once we’re back from the headmaster’s, but don’t go on patrol, though.”, you said quietly. “I need you to really watch over me this time.”

Dumbledore, who was still standing the room, gently patted your shoulder and escorted the both of you to his office.


	12. Of Mind Shields and Marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are many things to fix and talk about after your rescue, and the fact that your hidden powers are no secret to two men with a black and ice blue pair of eyes any longer, might be less helpful than assumend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 12 and 13 will lay the foundation for your future at Hogwarts and personal fate, hence its extensive length. I hope you enjoy it nevertheless or all the more! :-)

Something warm and tender was wrapped around you and the new surface you laid on could not have been any more comfortable. The air was cool, but not freezing and smelled wonderfully of a summer breeze and lush forest herbs.

Severus. A wave of emotions came over you and even though you were barely awake, you rose hastily and were thus completely taken off-guard when the horned head of your basilisk pushed you right back into the mattress.

 _“You’re not supposed to get up on your own, mum. But it’s good to see that you are feeling better.”_ , he hissed excitedly and before you had found your voice to ask how you had gotten to this sort of quiet heaven, his ever-growing body slipped off the mattress and disappeared.

Now that he was gone, there was nothing holding you back from at least sitting up in the king-sized bed. Shyly opening your eyes, you pushed your dizziness aside and dared to take a look around. This was Severus’ bedroom; you could tell by the scent and the fact that this room was definitely a part of the dungeons and did not belong to a student. But something seemed amiss…

Suddenly, the memories of last night hit you and panic rose all over you again. After having left the dreaded classroom, everything had gotten blurry to say the least and despite a numbness that held you in a tight grip, your mind was pretty much back to work.

First, you pulled back the blankets and checked your clothing. You were wearing an unfamiliar black velvet pyjama, but could not remember changing after the leaving Dumbledore's office. What had you missed? Had you even been rescued at all?

Frantically, you started checking on your body for any signs of more terror until a soft knock on the door caught your attention.

Severus entered his own bedroom, and the usual blank and stern mask crumbled visibly when he saw your distress. “You asked me to transfigure your dress into something comfortable yesterday night. I wanted to change the fabric, but transfiguration is not my speciality and experiments were off the table. You are safe here, Lillian.”, he explained quickly, apparently hoping to calm you a little bit. His presence and voice did wonders.

“You don’t have to knock in your own quarters.”, was the first thing you blurted before touching your sore throat. Severus ignored your words and knelt beside his bed, patiently waiting for your breathing to get even.

“There’s a pain reliever on the nightstand, right next to your bracelet, and I took the liberty of asking your best friend to collect a change of clothes and toiletries from your caravan. Compliments on the wards, by the way.”, he said, studying you carefully.

His eyes were glistening now, albeit a little less intense than last night when he had asked you to look at him. He also wore his regular teaching robes and frock coat again and the way his hair hung into his face and dark circles were clearly visible under his eyes, he looked like he had not slept a minute.

“You did not have to stay up all night for me, Severus. It would have sufficed to know that you were around.”, you assumed flatly but could not hold back a tiny smile. He, obviously wondering of what use he would have been asleep, looked so relieved to see your lips curl up that he just lazily raised an eyebrow and decided not to retort something.

“If you want to, you may take a shower and join me in the living area for a late lunch.”, he said instead and pointed at another door that must led to his bathroom. He got up to his feet and held out a helping hand.

“I guess there are news?”, you asked, slowly getting used to the feeling of really standing on your own legs again.

“Yes, but that’s not the only reason. I want you to recover, both physically and also…”

“I know. I’ll join you in a couple of minutes.”

“Take your time, Lillian. You are not in a hurry.”, he insisted before leaving you alone again.

The muscle soreness of your body made it almost impossible to walk normally into the shower, but the hot and steaming water fuelled you with new strength and energy, apart from the psychological cleansing effect.

Much like his bedroom, Severus’ bathroom was fully equipped and neat but lacked of any personal items. Even his toothbrush was hidden behind a neutral black box that brimmed with protective spells.

The mental distraction, if a little prying and childish, felt good. When you returned to the living room, of which you had no conscious memories at all, Severus was already sitting at a table, reading a book and absentmindedly fondling Mowgli’s neck.

 _“Mum! I was so scared when he picked me up last night, but Harry said that I was not allowed to misbehave. In fact, I was forbidden to. Trust me, I really wanted to bite the arsehole’s head off!”_ , your pet squealed and rushed over to your chair before you even had managed to sit on it.

_“Did Harry teach you this word, darling? If so, don’t use it again. It’s not nice.”, you weakly reprimanded him after giving him a tight hug. After all, there were more important things to care about._

_“What they did to you was not nice!”,_ Mowgli protested. Inwardly cursing your well-meaning pet for the mere mention, you would have loved to bury your face in your hands, but even that felt too much.

“I have no idea what Potter told him, Lillian.”, said Severus at your questioningly glance. You shrugged, getting a little more familiar with the room and the fact that you were still in the dungeons with a man. But before your heart could panic at the memories, you realized that you were sitting at a laid dining table.

A pot of goulash was standing on the table; your favourite food. At the wonderful smell, your body remembered how starved it was and before you were able to say or ask anything in return, a force to take care of a very primal need dominated your behaviour.

Severus did not seem offended in the least. Rather on the contrary, he put his book aside and watched you eat until you let out a content moan and wiped your mouth.

“Sorry.”, you said nevertheless. “And thank you very much for taking care of me. The clothes, the food, the time… that’s really… well, thank you…”

“You owe nobody an apology for anything, Lillian. And you don’t have to thank me for any of this.”, he replied quietly. A now familiar flicker of regret lit up in his gaze, mixed with something you could not entirely identify. There was no time to think about it anyway, as Severus promptly got up and rushed over to you, his cloak billowing behind him like always.

“Show me your hands.”, he commanded, clearly unaware of his briskness. When you froze on the spot, startled by his stern tone, a cold shiver ran down your spine. Whatever had caused his sudden mood swing frightened you to the point of fearing to be at a man’s mercy again.

_“What on earth are you doing???!!! Comfort her! You’ve been panicking yourself all night long, pacing up and down like a panther! Honestly, how thick are you? Let me show you…”_

It was the first time ever that Mowgli had actually growled at somebody. Alarmed, Severus immediately retreated and watched the huge snake circling around you, crooning in soft sounds and nudging his head gently against your arms, chest and head. Once Mowgli had finished, he curled up right within reach and stared at Severus with a piercing glare, teeth slightly bared.

“He tries to tell you that I got frightened by your command.”, you said, feeling bad for indirectly accusing him of something that he clearly could not have intended. There was no denial that you felt like in a daze and even your ever-racing thoughts could not fight the state of a sickening numbness.

Severus started to sway back and forth and for a moment, you feared that he was about to collapse right into the enormous and fully stuffed bookshelf behind him. His cheeks blushed, but before you could wonder about its meaning, his angry frown appeared on his face alongside a very deep furrow between the dark and now hollow eyes.

When he turned around and disappeared through a wooden door, tears welled up in your eyes. After all he’d done for you, you were still incapable of showing him the gratitude and trust he deserved. After all, it was not his fault.

A shatter and rumble then came from the door, followed by a no less livid Severus who carried a jar in his hands.

“I’m sorry for failing you again, Lillian. I should have given this a thought or two.”, he grumbled and sat down on the floor right in front of you. The gesture, equally unexpected and overwhelming, left you with the urge to protest that he should not be sitting at your feet in his own quarters, but your voice refused to obey.

Same for the burning question why he was so convinced of having failed you. Even without knowing the details yet, you had already believed him yesterday night to a point that you had been fine with resting in his quarters for the night.

Deep inside, you discovered at once, the view was very reassuring as though Severus wanted to literally show that he was not posing a danger to you. With him sitting in this position, you could defend yourself both magically and physically before he even had to chance to fumble for his wand.

He carefully watched the tension of your body ebb away, before picking up the jar and handing it over. It was a healing cream of his own production, sealed with a small Slytherin snake on green sealing wax.

“Would you let me have a look at your wrists and ankles, Lillian? I just want to check if you need more bruise paste.”, he asked calmly, even trying for a shy smile to reassure you.

Perplexed, the best you could do was a quiet nod, giving the jar back and stretching out your hands in slow motion. Your eyes, however, were squeezed shut, since you could not bear to see him rolling up your sleeves and trouser legs. The feeling of it was quite enough.

At the first careful touch, you violently flinched and needed some time to regain trust. Patiently, Severus waited until you allowed him to tend to your damaged body again. His hands were soft, a little cold maybe, but so incredibly gentle.

The hands of a potions master. In addition, he told you every little thing he was about to do in advance with a patience in his voice you had never even expected to exist.

With every circle he drew around your bruised joints, with every bit of paste he massaged into your skin, you felt yourself heal and the overwhelming feeling of warmth and affection come back to you.

In the end, a smile appeared on your lips and tears of happiness found their way to your chin. Chances were high that he had no idea that he was healing your body, heart and mind with those loving but innocent touches.

“Lillian, what – you can tell me if I hurt you! It’s not like I’m experienced in such things, you know.”, Severus disturbed the quiet and silence, his voice thick with desperation and self-loathing. You, on the other hand, just shook your head.

“It just feels good, Severus, and I would want to have nobody but you to be this close right now. You’re helping me.”, you eventually replied, eyes still closed. At one point, he started to take care of your feet that he had placed casually on his thighs and finally, you dared to glimpse at him.

Your heart melted when it saw how he repeatedly pulled his long lank hair behind the ears as it restricted his field of view. He did not mind that it got even greasier and unkempt, nor did he seem to notice Mowgli coming closer to him, two blurred but alarmed eyes watching every little move he made.

After what felt like a blissful eternity, Severus pulled on your socks and shoes for you before straightening up and facing your puffed but smiling features.

“Take the jar with you, please. And tell me if you run out of it, alright?”, he said, any emotion wiped off his face and eyes again, as though he had just spoken to a class. Quicker than expected, he got up and practically stormed back onto his chair.

“Severus?”

Your voice has been hardly more than a whisper, a touch of what it normally sounded. If you had not been there and felt your sore throat while speaking, one could have doubted that you had actually said anything at all.

“Lillian?”

His voice, albeit silky and clear as ever, lacked of the usual force and bitterness you had grown accustomed to. Instead, in spite of his blank face and eyes that looked a bit clouded now, you thought for a second to see uncertainty and curiosity fighting a war he was clearly afraid to lose.

“What else happened last night and what is happening next? What made all of you take so long to find me?”, you reluctantly asked, because as much as you would have loved to spend the following days in his quarters, your mind had already gone back to reality.

Having tried your best not to sound offended or accusing, you shot him an anxious glance and felt immense relief washing over you when he just nodded understandingly.

Now that you had finally realized that his efforts, the flowers, the butterbeers, the dance, the care simply meant that he cared about you as a person, not as just another student or protégé. While he was apparently more than uncomfortable with the unspoken revelation, your usual self slowly came out of hiding. Like before the incident, a feeling of comfort and happiness grew inside you.

“Albus is paying a visit any moment. Better to clear the air, I guess.”, he replied and pulled a face as though the headmaster’s presence bothered him. “I’m sorry to mention them, but Grossmann and Hartmann are both on their way back home where a trial awaits them. We have watched your memories and interrogated them with and without a truth serum. The onus is clear and it is unlikely that you will be asked to testify against them.”

It took a while to stomach what he had said. Ever since you had woken up, you had not wasted a conscious thought about your ex-classmates and what would happen to them. It had all been about the raw terror itself.

Now, you felt even safer to not have them around too soon. Leopold was severely ill and in need of treatment while Bernard, never the brightest, had so little support from home that him becoming the henchman of someone more dominant could be simply considered a sad question of time.

“I don’t want them to be incarcerated.”, you said automatically, gaze unfixed and hands absentmindedly caressing Mowgli’s head on your lap. “They need help, therapy and support and they need to be taken out of their families’ sphere. To incarcerate them would not change a thing. What about Dr Grass? Does – does she know?”

“About the mind alternation? Of course, Madame Pomfrey is tending to her state of shock, although I don’t think she will be suing the Grossmanns.”, Severus said bitterly. If he was astonished by your answer, he did not reveal it.

Instead, he summoned a tray with two big cups of tea and a couple of raw eggs for Mowgli, whose head immediately perked up.

_“Mowgli, do you realize how big you are getting?”_

_“I’m in constant motion, mum! Besides, I did not ask for it and you always say that one has to keep presents!”_

For the first time in what felt like ages, you actually erupted in laughter. Severus, whose attention you had definitely gotten back, looked at you with an odd glimmer in his eyes.

“Sorry, Severus. He’s just cheeky and a little smart alec, albeit a very kind and cute one…”, you chuckled fondly and when his lips quirked up, too, another load took off your mind.

“I like him. I just wish there was a way to understand him.”, he admitted quietly, but something in the way he spoke fuelled your brand-new realization that he was saying more than this.

Once more, your heart skipped several beats, despite the horrors you just had escaped, despite the fact that you still did not know everything about last night and despite the undefinable numbness still resting with you.

The intoxicating tea in front of you eventually stopped your musing. Peonies, limes and hints of a forest meadow ensnared your senses and before you could offer Severus to spend more time with your pet and get to him this way, the wooden door opened again.

Inside the living room stepped Albus Dumbledore with a neutral expression on his face. On his shoulder, though, a giant and magnificent phoenix crooned and watched you with curious beady eyes.

“Ahhh, Ms Black. It’s good to see you. And your familiar is with you as well.”, he said as if you had just met by accident during a stroll on the grounds. He seemed open-minded and friendly as ever, but Mowgli did something very strange then. Instead of greeting the headmaster, whom he knew by now, he squealed in fear and quickly hid behind Severus’ chair, leaving the man on it no less perplex.

 _“That bird-thing scares me, mum! Make it go away, now!”_ , he whined, but when you told Dumbledore, the old wizard just winked at you. It took a couple of minutes until Mowgli was convinced that Fawkes meant no harm and once the two unique familiars were carefully studying each other in a corner of the living room, Dumbledore lazily transfigured a stray book into a chair and sat in between you.

“Sure, no need to ask anyway. Make yourself comfortable.”, Severus grunted disapprovingly, rolling his eyes at his employer, who did not care in the least.

“Oh, Severus.”, he said lightly. “You know exactly what I would do to your quarters if I ever should miss the irony in your voice. Lucky for you, the sole thought of it entertains me enough to never let it actually happen.”

Another laughter slipped your tongue and even though your throat still hurt long after, you could not help to picture how the rather eccentric Albus Dumbledore with his loud outfits would turn Severus’ dark but comfortable quarters into something bright and shiny.

Severus quirked an eyebrow at you as if to say that only the special circumstances had saved you from a snide remark, but when he suddenly faced his employer again, you thought to see a bit of relief flaring up in his gaze. The two men then locked their eyes, ice blue and pitch black, for a while until a sigh escaped from Dumbledore.

“Do you feel well enough to try some magic, Ms Black?”, Dumbledore asked you next, his eyes twinkling with excitement. Like Severus, he had the capability to make people cringe in their own skin, and you secretly wondered if students had suspected him a mind reader back in his teacher days, too.

“What kind of magic?”, you asked, undoubtedly intrigued by the prospect which sounded like a welcome distraction from the awkward if not completely shaking aftermath so far.

“First, I want Severus and you to take out your wands, please.”, Dumbledore replied just as calmly as cryptically. Things at Hogwarts were probably never meant to be openly discussed, you frowned, but after recalling Harry’s experiences and adventures, you should perhaps consider yourself still rather lucky.

“You know, Ms Black, magic is a beautiful and terrible thing. Just like the truth, and both should therefore be treated with great caution. Although I wish the circumstances to be happier, I must ask you if you feel ready to further connect with us people of Hogwarts and thereby learn what you desperately want to know. Else, I could just talk and given the fact that I never minded talking much, I would not mind at all. It is yours to decide.”, explained Dumbledore further while Severus and you put your wands on the table, neither of you looking approving.

“It won’t be pleasant, will it?”, you asked, torn between the options. “But I feel like no matter what I do or don’t do, I am rather automatically pulled closer to Hogwarts and its habitants. Show me, please. Better now than when I’m healed.”

Dumbledore, as though he had anticipated your answer, smiled warmly, whereas Severus suddenly cleared his throat and disappeared into the kitchenette to gather some water and glasses instead of simply summoning them.

“We have seen you perform extraordinary magic last night. Once again, if I may remind you of your duel or the sensation of taming a basilisk. However, your action in the dungeons as well as the memories you provided us with proved that you have touched branches of magic which are hardly explored.”

The moment Dumbledore’s words ebbed away, you felt all colour drain from your face and Severus, sensing your distress this time on his way back, nudged the headmaster sharply in the ribs before shooting you an apologetical look. Your heart rate further accelerated, if for another reason.

“Oh no, my dear lady, you are not in trouble, not in the least. Like I said some weeks ago, I am happy to welcome any child or young adult with magical abilities at Hogwarts. Forgive me, it is merely an old man's curiosity which gets the better of me sometimes.”, Dumbledore smiled at you and eyed your both wands with greed – something that did not suit him well at all.

“But let’s not talk about me. I just wanted to know when and how you discovered that you are able to perform wandless and nonverbal magic to such extent and control?”, he then asked outright and the way his tone shifted to something more demanding made you feel like someone was stretching out his arms to grab and possess you.

Now, Severus did not nudge him anymore. Instead, he shot his Harry-Potter-death-glare in Dumbledore's direction, alongside a dark growl, but again, the headmaster hardly took notice of it and just winked at you. Of course, the two men must have talked prior to this meeting, but apparently, Severus was displeased with the current display.

“There is a reason, Severus, trust me. As for you, Ms Black, I will not judge you by your answer. Quite opposite, I am very impressed by you, both as a person and a witch.”, he simply explained, and suddenly, a rustling of feathers announced Fawkes who landed on your backrest seconds later, gently rubbing his head against yours. A sign of affection and acceptance, you mused and it deeply encouraged you to finally open up.

“First when I was eight.”, you eventually told both men. “It depends, though. I can’t do every spell nonverbally or wandlessly. The more my intend is fuelled and dominated by emotions, the more I am capable of doing it, although it is getting more difficult to control extreme stages. Professor, is it bad that I don’t even have to think of an incantation but merely of the results?”

Whatever Severus and Dumbledore thought of your rather vague answer was carefully hidden from you as their faces remained thoughtful without showing the slightest emotion. Just like your mind shields used to work until recently.

“No, Ms Black, it is not a bad thing.”, Dumbledore answered before your mind could wander off again. “Highly unusual and exceptionally rare, yes, but not generally bad. Remember what I said at the beginning… You’ve got a lot of power laying in your hands and it’s up to you to decide how and when you would like to use it.”

It was about choices, naturally. And slowly but steady, you understood why Dumbledore was making such a fuss of the conversation. It did not suffice for the mind to know that every human could always make a decision between right and easy, good and bad, nice and cruel and whatever countless option existed. Especially not in moments of extreme distress and tension.

Far more important, your heart and soul needed to feel them, to soak them up until it was clear that whatever your mind would decide one day, the only person to praise or blame for the consequences would always be you.

You had tortured Leopold during his first assault even though you had never wanted to hurt or harm him. You had forced Dr Grass to feel your emotions even though you had never wanted her to physically suffer, only understand. The approach could be considered quite dark, so Dumbledore had been merely reminding you of moral conscience. Better now than later.

“I see.”, you therefore replied quietly after the musing, although you still wondered why he had to bring it up know. After all you knew, it was obvious that you had never done this kind of magic for pleasure or a crude way of sadism and you had been quite aware of what you had done.

Otherwise, you had never been able to remove the curses. A wizard like Dumbledore surely knew about that, you thought confused.

“Albus, this is not the time to discuss self-defence mechanisms. If too many people had not failed her, none of this would have been necessary! Besides, there’s more to discuss, so please hurry up. Lillian had understood long before you had to bring it up.”, Severus hissed, his voice thick with annoyance and nervousness.

You were surprised by the tone he took with his headmaster, whereas Dumbledore still did not even bother to retort or reprimand him – something that Dr Grass would have done with passion.

“Very well, Lillian. The other thing I wanted to ask you and this time, it is about last night, was aimed towards you occlumency shields.”, Dumbledore continued with another cryptic smile on his lips.

“My – what?”, you blurted, completely taken off-guard and startling Fawkes who quickly flew back to a sleepy Mowgli.

“Occlumency, the power to hide one’s thoughts and emotions. To control the mind, prevent it from unwelcome intrusion and shield things one would not like to share with others.”, Severus chimed in, looking around the room and painfully avoiding your eyes.

“You have found ways to control your mind and emotions, Lillian, are we correct? It has helped you cope with the first assault three years ago, deal with the questions from your friends and classmates and keep up the mask for such a long time. Maybe, it also came in handy in more pleasant contexts? I, for example, loved to hide from my friend Nicolas Flamel whenever I had brought an extra bag of Bertie Bott’s Beans.”, said Dumbledore and wiped away a stray tear of nostalgia.

The alchemist with the Philosopher’s Stone, you remembered notoriously. On the whole, Dumbledore’s assumption was correct, but you never had expected your mind shields to be actual magic. In fact, after opening up to Orion, the both of you had rather thought of them as natural protective mechanisms of your mind to keep its sanity and functionality.

“My mind shields often fail me during my stay here.”, you said without accusation in your voice. Whatever impact Hogwarts had on you; you were convinced that Dumbledore’s power as headmaster did not go as far as breaking them on purpose.

It had not been his fault to have Mowgli sneak onto your trip, nor could you image him instructing Dr Grass to set you up with Leopold. While you still thought that Dumbledore had been risking Harry’s life more often than necessary, starting with dumping him on his relatives’ doorstep, you had offered him no reason to toy with yours – in case he even did such things. No, compared to Harry, your history and background looked very ordinary.

“That’s why we are here, Ms Black.”, Dumbledore whispered as though he wanted to encourage you to find out for yourself. Your eyes darted between Severus, who still looked more than uncomfortable and even unhappy, and Dumbledore, who suddenly seemed very pleased with himself.

“Albus, spit it out. She’s undergone enough trauma as it is.”, growled Severus, looking ready to jump and take back his wand.

“I’ve got two ebony wands here, both of the same length. Please tell me, Ms Black, what core does yours have?”, asked Dumbledore calmly after having locked his eyes with Severus for another short moment.

“Phoenix feather, Sir.”, you replied, feeling like you were getting more confused and enlightened by the minute. Before you could wonder about Severus paling significantly, you found the two wands laying right in front of you.

As black as yours, Severus’s wand had a beautifully engraved handle on which you recognized two ancient runes, a symbolized meteor shower and a dark cloud constellation. Due to the detailed decoration, they were not too easy to spot, especially not for those unskilled in the subjects of Ancient Runes and Astronomy. It looked beautiful, and when you picked it up, the vibration felt strange but not unpleasant.

Yours, on the other hand, had liana-like decorations which started from the handle and meandered on the whole wand. At the end of each tiny breach, the even tinier runes for ‘friendship’, ‘power’, ‘pride’, ‘loyalty’, ‘sacrifice’ and ‘love’ were engraved.

They made a fine match, but at the thought of the other owner, the memories of yesterday came up and tried to cloud the freshly regrowing warmth and feeling of safety inside you. Everything seemed to happen too fast and in slow motion at the same time.

“Point your wand at Severus, do a quick stabbing wrist movement and cast a loud and clear ‘Legilimens’. Severus told me that we have added to your horror last night and I think it is about time for you to get an idea of how many things came together.”, instructed Dumbledore with ease. He even laid back as if watching a movie.

Severus, whose eyes were shining again like a midnight sky, nodded reassuringly at you for that you felt ready to raise a slightly shaking hand and do what you were told. Like a strong suction, you were pulled into pieces and flashes of memories that weren’t yours.

_Severus watching an infuriated looking Karkaroff leave, then checking the rose bushes for snogging students… patrol duties… / Him yelling at Harry and Ron outside… / Moody approaching him, holding Malfoy by his ear… / a flash of worry hitting you hard… / Cedric and Cho approaching the uncommon group… / your clutch and goblet.../ the fluid turning bright red… / Severus yelling at Cedric and Cho, dragging the whole lot back into to Entrance Hall… / the students swarming out like a search party… / Dr Grass declining apparent concerns with expansive gestures, cheeks red from too much mead… / Harry and Ron re-entering the castle, Severus and Moody interrogating them quickly… / Severus whispering something in Harry’s ear and the boy ran upstairs… / Severus storming outside, sick with angst… / Dumbledore approaching and talking to him, hurt pride and determination joining the burning fear… / Hagrid re-appearing from the grounds, a worried expression on his face… / Severus, Dumbledore, Hagrid, Moody and Dr Grass bolting down the stairs to the dungeons, shouting at students to leave the feast immediately… / the Weasley twins looking ready to object before suddenly understanding… / empty classrooms and stores until faint tingle of magic caught Severus’ attention…_

Panting, you were thrown out of the memory rush and collapsed into your chair. Sweat was pouring off your forehead and for a moment, you thought that you were mere seconds away from fainting. Dumbledore handed you a glass of water along with a small phial. A headache reliever to stop the blood from pounding against your skull.

That was what Severus and Dumbledore were doing in their private sessions. They were training their mind shields, or at least Severus’ occlumency. While you were fine with one phial, he was already on his fourth, looking every bit as distressed as when you had met with him for your assistant job.

“Don’t worry, Lillian. It was your first time. No wonder that you were quite rough… I tried to muffle the conversations, but I happily fill you in on the details if you want to or have questions…”, he panted just like you, but his still radiant eyes revealed how much worth the effort had been to him.

“I hate the concept of timing here at Hogwarts. I had never expected all of my precautions to fail.”, you said bitterly, but that made your words no less true. If anything, it proved their honesty. Dumbledore chuckled quietly while Severus just snorted in agreement.

At least, Severus had told the truth and everybody else had also tried to keep an eye on you. The thought of mastering occlumency to such extent was appealing, you found, and this new kind of distraction got all the more interesting.

“So, you’re able to switch them on and off and control the sounds? I mean, you really control your mind like muggles do their TVs?”, you asked without knowing if one of them even knew about muggle technology – a huge advantage of Elfenstein compared to Hogwarts’ educational work.

“For now. Soon, Severus will also be able again to fluently change the things he decides to let an intruder see, if necessary. There will be no safer place than his mind.”, Dumbledore agreed and sighed loudly. Fawkes, as if called, flew back to your table and rested on his shoulder. Bewildered, Severus spun his head around and looked ready to protest, but Dumbledore lazily patted his left arm and got up.

“Lillian Alhena Black, whatever happens next; know that you are safe with us. Needless to say, that this conversation here and the ones to follow must remain strictly confidential. You’ll understand and then, we’ll teach you proper occlumency as well.”, he said gravely and pierced you through his glasses with those ice blue and twinkling eyes before Fawkes and him were gone with a blinding jet of flame.

“I should have known.”, Severus growled and cradled a shaken Mowgli who had sought protection near him again.

“What the hell was that about?”, you asked no less astounded and needed a minute to calm your racing heart. Severus did not respond, though. Instead, he looked terribly lost and overburdened with feelings and realizations you had no clue of thus far.

“Severus, may I ask why you need to master occlumency?”, you tried again, not knowing whether it would be wise to approach the struggling man or not. In the end, you did it anyway. After all, he had apparently been there for you all the time, from long before the Yule Ball on.

Carefully placing your chair beside his and telling Mowgli to give you a bit of privacy, you refilled his glass and handed him back his wand. He grabbed it almost reluctantly, turned it over a couple of time before putting it back on the table, suspiciously close to you. Something was not right at all.

“Do you want to see or hear or both and if so, what would be your preferred order?”, he asked and when he lifted his head, his eyes were filled with unshed tears.

Forgotten were your own experience and healing, but still fragile state of mind. Forgotten were the weird conversation with Dumbledore and all the egg dance after last night. You mind shields suddenly went up but left enough space to let your heart control the situation. The memories of your time alone, the dance, the presents danced in front of your inner eyes, providing you with the strength to hold on and be there for Severus, regardless of what bothered him so much.

“I trust you, Severus, and I am deeply sorry for accusing you of the letting me down last night. In spite of my situation, I should have known better. Tell me what this is all about? I am happy to help you as you have helped me.”, you just said and laid a shaky hand on his forearm.

“You should not do this, Lillian. Honestly… It’s basically about Potter, who else?”, Severus eventually said, still not even looking at you or his wand. “You’ve said it yourself. The Quidditch World Cup, an important Ministry worker gone missing, Crouch being ill, the tampering with the Goblet of Fire… you are aware of how many times the Dark Lord has tried to kill the boy and get his body back?”

“Twice.”, you replied automatically. “And last year, he told me, Professor Trelawny made her second true prophecy. At least according to Professor Dumbledore.”

Severus flinched violently, startling you and immediately mumbling apology after apology. None of his hastily whispered words sounded like he was whole-heartedly focused, rather than something even more worrisome raged behind his unshielded eyes.

“This is about him again. The Dark Lord.”, he finally said. “Albus, I and a few others have reason to believe that he is actually gaining power and getting stronger by the day, that he is using the confusion and distractions of the tournament to become human again. When we saw your memory yesterday, the old one, we thought to have found the junction, since the man who saved you was our former Professor Quirrel, already possessed by him at the time…”

“… You mean that You-Know-Who was… and Mowgli?”, you squealed in terror. The mere thought of You-Know-Who having been inches away from you turned your stomach upside down and for a brief second, you wondered what you would have done if you had known who your heroic saviour had really been.

“He’s a Parselmouth, too. Well, he’s the last Slytherin heir and I think even more fluent than you are... Quirrel used to collect a lot of classified animals from all countries… So, I daresay our scaly friend has been much better off with you, Lillian.”, he said, but his smile did not reach his eyes in the least.

“How do you know this? I mean, Harry told me but I don’t even think Professor McGonagall is aware of this information. Since you two don’t get along…”

Your gut feeling berated you instantly for this question, already sensing that you would not like the outcome at all, but now that all the cards were put on the table, it was maybe the best time for a now-or-never situation; to eventually burn it all down and rise from the ashes like phoenix instead of getting a jab every couple of days, weeks or months.

A clear cut. Something that would help you deal with Hogwarts better than thus far, that would help you understand Harry’s situation, maybe even offering possibilities to actively protect the boy.

You missed him terribly, you realized now that You-Know-Who was brought up, and you swore that the monster would certainly get to your young friend over your dead body only.

Meanwhile, Severus had gotten up and started loosening the mass of buttons of his frock coat. His collar laid already on the table, black and silken like his hair was when he did not spend an entire day bent over a cauldron or an entire night watching over you.

“Don’t worry, I’ll only need to lift one sleeve, Lillian. I’m not going to do anything to you or anybody in this castle. I want to protect you, from everything, from... from...”, he said, audibly supressing a tone of panic and hatred in his voice.

_“Mowgli, please stay where you are, no matter what happens next, you hear me? – He won’t harm me, but something is not alright and I need to find out first before you stick your snout in it, alright?”_

_“Why do you humans always have to be so complicated? Can’t you just stay a snake forever?”_

_“No, and be quiet now. Severus needs me and I needed him. That’s what friends are for, after all."_

With a last nervous look at Mowgli’s corner and your green eyes, Severus slowly rolled up his left sleeve with shaky hands. Apart from a very pale skin, you recognized a long, faded and still rather elegant looking tattoo on its inner side.

It was moving, hence magical and you were about to ask where one could get magical tattoos in Britain when its meaning hit you with the force of a thousand blasting curses.

A skull was burned into Severus’ scarred flesh, a black skull with a snake coming out of its mouth. You had seen the mark a hundred times in books, heard of the stories and knew whom it belonged to, but you had never thought to see it in real life one day.

Worse, it was on the forearm of the man you had gotten so attached to, whose contradictions you had never actively tried to dismantle and who had taken such good care of you.

The Dark Mark.

And Dumbledore had known all along. It had been his plan to unveil this crashing secret, but you did not understand why he had left you alone, especially after what just had happened to you.

What had he really been up to? Building you up for his employee could now have his go with you? Luring you into this situation by pretending to care about Harry? He, the most powerful wizard alive, had not even actively tried to get Harry out of the tournament and just agreed with some Ministry officials to let him compete.

What - no, Dumbledore could not be a dark magician. That was preposterous, right?

Or had your friendship with the Boy-Who-Lived turned you into a threat to a secret bigger plan which they needed to get rid of? He could have just sent you back home all those weeks ago.

Or were you simply hallucinating? Were there any unknown side effects of the potions you had taken?

But no, there really was a very agile Dark Mark on Severus’ inner forearm that his other hand shakily clutched to.

Blood pounded in your ears and your snap-frozen state left you with no clear thought or exit strategy.

In fact, your mind circled around exactly one realization: Severus Snape, the man you had fallen for, was undoubtedly associated with You-Know-Who.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the traumatic experience in chapter 11, it just did not feel right to simply skim through the aftermath and I admit that I do like details. The average length of "normal" chapters will be shorter again, though. Anyway, if it's too much or you don't like it (or like it), just let me know. :-) Thank you for being part of this story - the actual rollercoaster and getting lost in the whirlpool of events is just about to get started :-)


	13. Making Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dealing with the real extent of your entanglement with Severus, Harry and Hogwarts, you return to your classmates and headmistress, unaware that you will have to make another major decision. The only security you got is that your life will never be the same again.

You had no idea how much time had gone by while you just sat there, frozen, and stared at the horrible Mark. The pictures in your mind made no sense and no matter how you twisted and turned them upside down or back and forth, Severus’ actions did not match with the gruesome black ink on his forearm.

He had saved Harry instead of letting him die; he had wanted to protect the boy from a convicted murderer and alleged Death Eater; he did not like Harry at all but still did not put him into peril. And finally, he had been making efforts towards you, protected you where others had been less sympathetic. 

His mask could only be the cold, distanced and partly cruel man with the dead eyes, not the passionate and fiery person with the open and shining gaze. There was no other way, your heart screamed inside you.

Nevertheless, the Dark Mark was just as real and even though he did not dare to make a move, it could not harm to be prepared.

 _“Mowgli, if he makes a sudden movement, tries to grab his wand or comes closer to me when I did not initiate it, you strike and wrestle him on the ground, okay? This is an order.”_ , you hissed sharply at the five-metre basilisk who prepared himself despite his confused blinking.

Severus did not even flinch when you grabbed his wand with your left hand and pointed your own at him with the right.

“Don’t you think I’ve had enough drama and angst for the next years to come? Or don’t you care because I won’t live to tell the tell either way?”, you growled at him, still inwardly debating whether it would be safer to body-bind him.

“I am not the danger, Lillian. I… I brought the danger, sixteen years ago, but I myself am not dangerous to you or Potter or anybody.”, Severus said through gritted teeth, his eyes now darting between you and Mowgli. His snout, big enough to carry a water melon, was about half a metre away from his own face.

“Then explain yourself, before I lose control, Severus. I feel like my time in the dungeons is almost up.”, you barked furiously and ignored the protest of your body.

“I joined him after graduation, saw reason at some point and turned my back on him before his fall. I used to be Albus’ spy in the first war and we are now preparing for the worst. Really, Lillian, I am not a Death Eater anymore and I do not share their values any longer, if I ever truly shared them at all.”, he replied, his voice a desperate whisper.

You scoffed at this weak explanation which sounded so much like a memorized phrase. Yes, I made a mistake… yes, I know better now… yes, it was a bad idea to join actual fascists which were just as bad as Hitler and his likes in the muggle world.

According to your teacher at Elfenstein, it had been clear from the beginning on what You-Know-Who and his likes had been up to - long before their terror attacks resulted in an actual war and a wizarding society close to collapse.

Severus buried his face in his hands, but you did not care for the moment. Instead, you thought at Harry, the Weasleys, the Hufflepuffs and how they had all referred to him as a lover of the Dark Arts. Clearly, it was one thing to find them interesting, but to act willingly on them and bring grief and death over the world was a whole different story.

When a flash of cold fury crept threw your veins, Severus’ wand vibrated again in your hand. Shooting a warning glare at the owner, you tucked your wand away and studied his carefully. The two ancient runes were ‘Ehwaz’, for partnership, and ‘Eihwaz’, which meant defence in English.

How the hell could someone with those two words engraved on his own wand become a Death Eater? You had always heard that there was no wandmaker like Ollivander, whose matches of wand and owner were known as far more lasting and accurate than the ones of others.

Maybe, he had made a mistake. Shit happens, it was likely as simple as that.

'You know that he is rather defensive and uses his power to protect others. Or at least, you always thought you'd know...', a voice in your head whispered waspishly and you could hear it chuckle in cold, high-pitched tones. It disgusted you even more than the situation you were trapped in.

“Lillian, please listen to me. I can’t explain yet why I joined them and what made me turn my back on him, but I can tell you which side I am on today and why you need to know.”, Severus begged you and suddenly, his demeanour reminded you of a maniac. The burning in his eyes, the strained features, the ruffled hair – he did not look like a terrorist, rather like a lost case.

“Is it related to the reason why you think you have failed me, Severus?”, you asked coldly, deliberately sounding unaffected by his sorry and deranged state. “And if it’s about your tattoo, why did you even let me become your assistant? Why did you allow to get me this involved with whatever it is? I still don’t understand, to be honest.”

Severus swallowed hard and the bobbing of his Adam’s apple, which would have looked mesmerizing under normal circumstances, disgusted you. How could he be so very much alive while others, like Harry’s parents, had died because of the man he had once devoted his entire being to?

“I’m not alive, Lillian, and I'll never be - contrarily to you. And that is exactly where I have failed you.”, he said outright and only then you remembered that your thoughts must be very audible to him right now. “You are in grave danger, Lillian, because of me and I am terribly afraid that I can’t keep you safe”.

“Excuse me?”

“Albus vouched for me after the war and hired me.”, he explained. “So, to every remaining Death Eater alive, I am either a disloyal coward who wanted to escape Azkaban – a nice side benefit, I won’t lie – or a traitor which I technically am. Either way, if Albus and my plan does not work out, I am a dead man and since they don’t just go and eliminate their enemies, every person associated with me is in danger as well.”

His voice had gone soft and even Mowgli seemed to notice the change in the atmosphere. Without his black billowing cape and the frock coat, Severus looked far less intimidating. Truth be told, his lean frame and scrawny appearance gave him quite a lost and broken aura. While you tried your best not be fooled by his change in articulation and posture, you could not deny the imminent danger that noticeable lingered around you two.

“Albus was always convinced that he would find a way to return. Nobody ever found his body in Godric’s Hollow. Now, almost thirteen years later, my mark darkens and every other’s as well, from Death Eaters in Azkaban to those who escaped that place like me or…”

“Karkaroff? That's how you know each other...”, you interrupted, pointing his own wand at him now. Severus’ eyes widened in surprise, but still, he did not move. Maybe it was because of Mowgli, maybe because it was true that the odds were against his being as a Death Eater. In the end, it did not matter. “It is irrelevant how I found out, so don’t bother asking. What has this to do with me?”, you quickly added. This was not about you or other Death Eaters; Severus still owed you enough explanations as it was.

“Well… there are more reasons.”, he said hesitantly. His eyes wandered across the living room and lingered on a magically enchanted wooden case in another shelf on which various kinds flowers were engraved. The intensity of the gaze made you shiver, but it was not due to the potential threat he still posed. The sadness and past terror raging behind his eyes were simply overwhelming.

“First, your friendship with Potter puts you in front line. Everyone close to him will become a main target once he is back. Second, there are children of Death Eaters in this castle. All of their parents have escaped Azkaban, too, and should he return, they will do anything to please him, to let them and their families stay alive. Not to mention that they have not changed their attitudes.”

He cleared his throat. “You’d make a good trade with your abilities and power. They would likely use you to buy themselves time and prove them worthy by convincing you to join their ranks. As long as you don’t want to be become a Death Eater, keep as much hidden from my house as possible. Third, me. And that’s probably the worst and… ugliest reason.”

Stray tears dripped from his long lashes and even you found it hard to remain unaffected by his words. You had no idea why the mention of Death Eater children in Slytherin shocked you so much. After all Malfoy and his likes had said and done, it should have been clear from the beginning.

“I am your biggest danger, because I have allowed myself to be weak. By making you my assistant, I pulled you close to me, I openly showed that you are something valuable to me. Rest assured that the kids have already told their fathers. Should Albus’ and my plan fail, they could also include you to my punishment and you’ll be once more forced to comply if you don’t want to end like me. I never wanted to put you in such danger, believe me.”

Never in your life had you seen someone cry with such stoic brokenness. Severus just sat there on his chair, staring into nowhere while silent tears ran down his hollow cheeks and soaked the collar of his white linen shirt. His sloping shoulders did not shake, neither did his breathing accelerate.

 _“Mum, are you sure he is dangerous? He looks like he could use a hug and a cup of whatever you humans drink.”_ , Mowgli murmured in soft hisses and eyed you questioningly.

The more you sat with Severus, who had not once looked at his wand in your hand, the more you believed him. It blended in with your previous assumptions about his past and things that haunted him until today. It also matched with your earlier realization.

“Lillian?”

“You’re so defensive and protective, because you really know about the horrors of dark magic. And still, you’re close to it.”, you said, unable to ignore the fact that he had spoken out your name like a melody. Cautiously, you lowered his wand and placed a trembling hand on his.

“You care for me, do you?”, you whispered. "The hours we’ve spent together, the butterbeers, your presents, the dance… Gods, people would send me to a mind healer if I told them that you did all that… You care for me as a person, not just as another protégé or student. Hence your guilt because of yesterday. My protection has become a personal matter to you and every Slytherin would consider this a weakness, right?”

A loud sigh escaped your throat. “I don’t know what you have lived and done to carry that mark, Severus, but I know that I don’t want you to feel bad because you actually felt something nice for once. It is not a crime to like somebody.”

It was as though Severus came back to life. His chest rose and fell much quicker and the blush on his cheeks looked like a sunburn. Several times, he opened and closed his mouth, helplessly struggling with an answer to your statement.

“I… I cannot help but really like you, Lillian.”, he said while new tears wet his face. “Even though I shouldn’t, given my profession and your status as a student, given my age and the fact that I don’t deserve your grace, your maturity and your empathy. I… I was selfish to ignore the risks, just to feel a bit more whole than I usually do. I have just added to the damage and now that you know what I was, what I will become again, the least I can hope for is that it won’t be too painful for you to walk away now. It took me a while to be sure, but I sensed that you… you kind of like me, too. I’m sorry.”

Something deep inside you broke at his pained confession, but at least you knew that your feelings were somehow reciprocated. Although, the circumstances made you also wish that there never had been any feelings at all. Suddenly, another suspicion hit you.

“What do you mean ‘will become again’?”, you asked much sharper than you had intended to.

“Isn’t that obvious? Once the Dark Lord has returned, we will all be summoned and I will act as though I have never changed sides. I will become Albus’ spy again, ensure that he is equipped with all necessary information to keep Potter safe and the harm as low as possible.”

“No.”

You had no idea why the small word slipped your tongue with such determination. Maybe it was because your sub-consciousness already believed what your mind still struggled understanding. Maybe it was you still had feelings for the crying man in front of you, regardless of how much horror you had lived in the past hours. Maybe it was because your head was brimming with information that needed much more time and space to be stomached.

“It is the only way. Potter is the only one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord for good and now that he is undergoing training and education, he will succeed one day. I hope so, at least. Fortunately, my reputation, nature and personal disdain for the boy, that wretched house included, make is easier to act convincingly and be mentally prepared. I have also a natural approach to occlumency. Albus and I are merely preparing for any kind of interrogation.”, he explained relentlessly and pulled a face at his last sentence.

“I can only encourage you to learn occlumency properly to cover all information and attachment should any of them ever come close to you. Protect your mind, Lillian. You seem gifted with a natural grasp of occlumency as well. We can help you until the year’s over. He has yet to return.”, Severus went on eventually before you could even think of possible interrogation methods used by Death Eaters.

Truth be told, you needed your mind shields back one way or the other. It would not take long for the nightmares to come back and facing Dr Grass would likely become again a challenge of its own kind, at least in the following weeks to come. Slowly, you nodded in resigning agreement when something else caught your attention.

“That’s why he went after Harry’s family? What is it that had made him fear a baby so much? Can’t you find a way to stop him from returning?”, you asked in a flow. “And, should he return, can’t I just stay by your side and protect Harry with you? You know that we are close and if I am already on their watchlist, I don’t want them to trace me back to Germany where my brother lives and all the people, _muggles_ , that I hold dear.”

It hardly mattered that Severus was obviously overburdened with the questions you just had bombarded him with. Now that all cards were on the table, he would have to deal with them just like you, who had done nothing to get involved in the first place. In fact, you refused on principle to blame your magical core or friendship with Harry or feelings for Severus at all.

“We don’t even know who put his name in the Goblet. First, we thought it could have been Grossmann, but the interrogation proved that he had an own agenda. I will answer the other questions about Potter, Lillian, but not today. I can see how exhausted you are and for now, there’s plenty to deal with. I hope you understand.”, Severus said through gritted teeth and you saw him occlude again.

“Regarding your gallant offer; I can only encourage you to leave this country in summer and pray that he will return only when you’re long gone, Lillian.”

“I thought you like me.”

“Which is why I don’t want you to be around when it is starting all over again.”

“You don’t protect me by pushing me away. You trust me enough to reveal all this without a vow or any assurance that I remain silent. Well, there's one, you’ve said it already: I like you, too. And I am capable of defending myself and protecting others.”

“I would never cope if something happens to you, be it because of me or something, someone else.”

“Neither could I, even though I still don’t like this late revelation. You have dragged me into this mess, all of you, but I refuse to be pushed around like a child. Besides, I won’t have you endanger my loved ones back home by sending me off. Deal with it.”

“They could torture you, Lillian, to force you into collaboration or to punish me. I’m not – ”

“ – If you say now that you are not worth it, I’m gonna hex you, Severus. I get that you have experienced a lot of bad things and that you made enough bad decisions as it is, even if this is not the right time to talk about them, but no matter what made you saw reason, you also decided to act on it instead of running away and that’s incredibly brave, given the fact that you’ll always be branded as the Dark Arts enthusiast. Even the little kids think of you as one.”

“So, what do you suggest to do?”

“I will return to my class and friends and deal with their aftermath. I will learn occlumency with the headmaster and you. I will watch out for Harry and see if I stumble upon anything strange that could prevent or announce the alleged inevitable. We” – you waved your hand between the both of you – “will continue the assistantship, work together in general and see where this might lead us as the persons we are. After today, I feel like I don’t even know half of you, Severus, and I would like to change that.”

“I don’t know how to deal with such… things, Lillian. I don’t even know how to express them. I’m sorry, I am absolutely inexperienced.”

“Do I need to remind you of my ‘experiences’ and the memories that come along with them? Severus, you don't have to prove yourself in that way. I don't mind finding out together. I think I might prefer it like this if I am honest.”

Your exchange of blows had been dangerously matter-of-factly and quiet, if fuelled by determination and silent pressure. The shift in your tone and his question had turned you into equals, not a student and teacher any longer.

Severus eventually got dressed again and you quickly shushed Mowgli who had gotten pretty confused once more. After an approving nod from your part, he gently took his wand out of your hand, which relished the brief skin contact with his, summoned your belongings from the bedroom and then tucked it quickly away. There was aldo a long glance at the wooden case, before he faced you with uncertainty.

“Thank you for not attacking me right away.”, Severus murmured and fumbled with the black sleeves of his frock coat. “I wish I was a different man and that liking each other would not come with potentially lethal complications.”

Apparently, he still remembered that you were not out of the woods since he did not further approach you or tried to pull you in an embrace. It warmed your racing heart and even though you still wanted to keep a distance, at least until you had dealt with everything yourself, your treacherous soul made your lips curl up into a genuine smile.

“What’s done is done, Severus, and we can’t change the past. Just don't shock me like this ever again and owl me for the next brewing session, will you? And don’t worry, I won’t say a word.”, you said softly before turning on your heel and leaving his quarters through the wooden door with a frowning Mowgli on your heels.

++++++++

Your whole class was gathered around Dr Grass’s opulent caravan when you approached the Elfenstein area on the grounds. Theo and Jessica, their faces white as a sheet, spotted you first. The three of you a shared a long hug that went without words and to feel your friends’ relief and love was a true balm for your soul.

“Well, you know what we’ve discussed! Dismissed!”, shouted Dr Grass when the murmurs grew louder and your fellow classmates clustered around you. Worry and relief were written on each and every face of the other seven students and Mowgli, still highly alerted, began shifting on the ground, unsure of what to do.

 _“I’m alright, Mowgli. We’ll talk later, okay?”_ , you hissed softly before you released yourself from the cuddles, pats on your back and well-meant wishes.

“Good to see you, Lillian.”, Dr Grass greeted you with a shy smile on her stern and shaken looking face. Like Severus, she looked like she had not slept a minute last night. “How about a tea or coffee in my caravan? That is, in case you’re feeling up to it?”

It was one of the rare times that she would let you chose something opposite to dictating the next steps. You nodded at Theo, Jessica and Mowgli and after a while, she even agreed to speak with you in their company.

Her caravan was sickeningly neat and even outdid Severus’ tidiness. Apart from former students’ awards and prizes and a collection of various red glasses, no personal items were openly laying around either.

Sitting around the larger table, none of you spoke for a while until she finally cleared her throat. “I have failed you, Lillian. Long before the first incident happened.”

To your left, Jessica struggled to hold back her tongue while Theo to your right openly rolled his eyes and snorted contemptuously.

“I guess the damage is done, Dr Grass.”, you replied calmly. Compared to Severus, who had protected and seen you despite his past, her words from last night still rang in your ears. “Will you sue them?”

She took her time looking around the caravan, eyeing Mowgli with caution and fidgeting with a pen on the table. “No, I don’t think so. Some things are better dealt with out of the limelight.”, she finally said.

Theo and Jessica opened their mouths to protest harshly, but you just took their hands and squeezed them lightly. Since the past hours had brought you much closer to Hogwarts, you were pretty sure that it would not pose a problem should you ask to switch schools. Unfortunately, the same thing could not be said for your best friends who still needed to pass the final exams under the headmistress.

“I guessed as much. Don’t get me wrong, Dr Grass, I don’t want to see them behind bars either, but it’s hard to understand that you still seem so blinded by their families’ influence.”

“Don’t you think for a moment that I am the exception here, Lillian. You know very well that similar social circumstances exist here and in every other country as well.”, she replied and according to her hard tone, she had gone into a defensive mode.

“I’ve never said differently, Dr Grass, and I am aware that some Hogwarts students call muggleborns ‘mudbloods’ on a daily basis. But I also know that none of them had ever tried a flesh-bonding ritual on anyone or alternated a headmaster’s memory.”, you argued without venom in your voice.

Dr Grass and her character were unchangeable and there was no benefit in riling her up, but at least you could speak out for once.

Jessica and Theo gasped at your words, apparently Dr Grass had not told them before. While they quickly swore confidentiality, you watched her pale and shift on her chair.

“I am sorry that I did not see it coming. You two just looked so…”

“… perfect? Perfect for you? For the Grossmanns? The society? For anyone but her? Leopold’s been getting darker and more malicious every year, but ‘he comes from a good home and is well-guided’. You always said that she has no one who guided her, but let me tell you: the whole staff of the orphanage is better suited to raise children than any of the ever-so important families of our world. They love her for who she is and not who she should be in somebody's eyes. They don’t judge her for something she had no influence over! I’ve been there, so let me ask you: How many times have you visited her home in general, or compared to Leopold’s?”, roared Jessica with so much contempt in her voice that Mowgli actually started to whimper.

You could not really blame her, though. Jessica’s family was loving and kind, but made always clear what they expected from her. Her family’s pride automatically came along with much pressure.

“You’ve been only treating Lillian like a poster girl or dog on the leash. Her welfare and health never mattered unless you could exploit it to make the school look good. Even now you struggle with a simple ‘sorry’ for forcing her to be his date. You’ve been decoyed by a student and his family and yet you fail to admit that to the victim. Besides, haven’t you been trying to make the situation look good again?”, Theo growled before Dr Grass could even reply to Jessica’s accusation.

“We need to choose a new champion or we’ll be leaving Hogwarts and cancel our participation in the tournament, Lillian. That’s the fair part.”, said Jessica with cold fury in her voice. Your two best friends acted as though your headmistress was no longer part of this conversation and as much as you understood them and knew that they had been just calling a spade a spade, you suddenly felt bad for causing this conflict.

“She told us that you had been almost assaulted yesterday and that Leopold and Bernard had been engaged in something that needed to be cleared back home. She also told us to not speak to you about it and act as if nothing ever happened!”, concluded Jessica.

“Because I don’t you to pester her, that’s way!”, shouted Dr Grass, startling all three of you. “I have no idea how you’ve coped with the last time, Lillian, but I don’t want any more trouble while we’re here. Since Leopold is gone, I suggested that we elect you as our new champion to give you the chance to shine and show that we are better than the mistakes we have made in the past. They all agreed and –“

“– you did not even bother to ask me first.”, you interrupted her. Of course, your classmates had agreed after this misleading information.

There were enough arguments against becoming a champion and sadly, Dr Grass's attitude and mindset were the weakest of them. Same for the internal entanglement between Elfenstein and the most influential wizarding families.

Someone linked to You-Know-Who was lurking around the corner and after your conversation with Severus and Dumbledore, you knew that taking part in the tournament was the exact opposite of laying low and not attracting any more attention to your person. At the same time, though, it was the perfect way to stay close to Harry and help them all.

Your classmates might like you and you had never experienced any kind of bullying at Elfenstein, but apart from Theo and Jessica, your true friends and confidantes were your brother, a squib, and several muggle boys and girls from the orphanage.

This was a strategic and drastic decision to make. It went far beyond the tournament, the admitted but undiscussed feelings between Severus and you, your friendship with Harry and protective instinct towards Orion. It was a question where your future home and loyalty in the wizarding world laid.

No matter what happened, you were sure that Theo and Jessica would stay by your side and support you in every possible way. Should You-Know-Who really return, there would be a way to protect them or safely bringing them back home, even if it meant for you to remain absolutely quiet about the non-Severus-related information about the tournament and Harry as well.

Regarding Elfenstein itself, however, you had little that was actively holding you back. For sure, you had great memories and loved how much you had learned, but Hogwarts, albeit appearing much more dangerous and challenging, touched your heart with passion.

“I won’t have to take my finals like every other champion and I won’t have to give additional courses about Mowgli any longer. Neither will you punish Jessica and Theo for their point of views. The damage is done, Dr Grass, again. Let’s just make the most of the time we have left, alright? For every side and everybody involved.”, you finally said with a calm determination in your voice.

Dr Grass’s eyes lit up in clear astonishment, whereas Theo and Jessica eyed you with confusion and worry about eventual lingering after effects from the past night.

When your headmistress got up and handed you the massive golden egg with the challenge that had been given to the champions after the first task, something self-conscious and powerful inside you broke free like an unleashed dragon.

It was not for the fact that you, Lillian Alhena Schwarz, had just become a Fourwizard Champion. No, you were done with simply reacting to everything and everybody around you. In fact, the recent discovery of your newly gained self-determination and decision to actively have an influence on the events around you filled your heart and soul with enough energy to take on the entire world if necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for enjoying this fanfiction - the first major turn of events is completed. I hope you liked it so far! :)


	14. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While recovering from the Yule Ball, your friendship with Harry and Jessica intensifies. On New Year's Eve, life is pulling the strings in the most unexpected way.

It was a blessing that the Yule holidays at Hogwarts lasted beyond New Year’s Eve as the free days offered plenty possibilities to evade the curious looks of other students and spend a lot of time with your friends instead.

In between snow ball fights with the whole Elfenstein team and half of Gryffindor house, steaming cups of tea in Hagrid’s hut and Quidditch talks with Cedric in a still beautifully decorated Great Hall, you caught your mind wandering to the dungeons and a certain inhabitant below the black lake’s surface more often than you would have ever admit to yourself.

Severus, with whom you shared a brief eye contact during every meal in the Great Hall as a sort of unspoken routine, had not yet invited you to another brewing session, despite an upcoming full moon. You longed for him to be around, missed the evenings and wonderfully crackling tension between you but then again, a few days out of the dungeons had not turned out too bad at all.

The truth about his past still felt like a lead weight, but after many thoughts, you still saw no reason why he should have lied to you. Dumbledore had been clearly involved and to toy with such truths and information was probably even more lethal than actually the Dark Mark itself. On top of that, it matched too well with your previous observations and he still was incredibly kind to you.

“So, we’re competitors now…”, grinned Harry one day in your caravan and nodded in the direction of the golden egg which you had planned to take care of after the celebrations. Jessica and Theo, who had of course offered any kind of help, had been very supportive of the idea of taking a couple of days off. Hence, the egg rested on your desk, surrounded by stocks of popcorn for cosy evenings with them.

Harry and his friends, who somehow had a very clear understanding of what had been going on in the Yule Ball, were even more open and warm towards you. Sure, they probably knew too well what it felt like to be forced into silence or not being heard until a situation escalated and become seriously dangerous. This morning, you had decided to grant Harry, who had been extremely kind and understanding, free access to your caravan which he had thanked you with the tightest hug you had ever received.

“I think so, Harry.”, you grinned back. “Have you figured it out already?”

Harry blushed and attracted Mowgli’s attention who slid over to his chair. Your pet was still outraged that it had been forbidden to attack Leopold and Bernard, but the more time passed, the more he seemed to fit in again.

 _“Cedric gave me a weird advice while she, Cho, was still within earshot. It was so embarrassing and I still think that he only said it to make a fool out of me… you know, I really hated the ball and it was a shit night. Next time, I’d rather dance with Snape than to relive that moment ever again!_ ”, he complained and pulled his hair until it stood up even worse than usual.

 _“How about we switch positions next time?”,_ you retorted sardonically and patted the free place on your bed when you saw the shock and guilt once he had realized to whom he had been speaking to. Nevertheless, it was truly impressive how fluent he was for his age, especially given the fact that he had been speaking to snakes on rare occasions until your arrival.

_“It’s alright, Harry… well, it isn’t exactly, but I have all help I need. Come here and let me hug you, darling. You’re far too young to be confronted with such things.”_

Harry almost jumped right beside you and with Mowgli rolling around your bodies, you just sat there for a while until Harry cleared his throat a little bit too stilted.

 _“Is it true what the rumours say? That they did dark magic and Snape was the only one to release you? … No matter what, he’s dangerous, you know, and whatever they did, he’s surely able to do twice as bad.”_ , he asked warily and grabbed your hand. Like Severus, Harry was unable to even say the other’s name aloud without pulling a grimace and tensing all over his body, clenched jaws included.

 _“Harry, I know you don’t like him and I know that he was probably not nice to you during that night, but Dumbledore and he really helped me, as did Moody and Hagrid. Honestly, I would not feel this good again if it weren’t for him. And besides, I’m still his assistant and under his care.”,_ you said calmly and tried your best to remain entirely composed and unaffected by his words.

 _“Well, I don’t trust him, not at all! Hermione can say all she wants about him saving my life in our first year. He hated me from the very beginning on and I hate him because he treats me like trash. Look, Lillian, I just want you to be careful. Sirius says that someone’s up to something with the whole tournament and you’re the second unforeseen champion out of five… so, I’m just worried, you know…”,_ Harry sighed in exasperation.

The boy was not to blame. In fact, he had made a fair point and the mention of Sirius reassured you. It was good to see that he took his godfather duties seriously and kept an eye on Harry from outside the castle.

 _“He’s such a smart boy, mum! I’ve always said so. He’s just like Orion and you. Please, mum, may he become your little brother?”,_ Mowgli chimed in proudly, not even ashamed of his bluntness when both Harry and you blushed and stammered uncomfortably.

 _“I wouldn’t mind, Harry, if that’s okay for you. Metaphorically spoken, that is.”,_ you eventually said, but immediately noticed the he way he had begun to fidget with your blanket. Contrarily to you, he had known his parents, if left without conscious memories, before their family had been ripped apart. While you were afraid that he felt now as though you had attempted to override his deeply missed family, Harry just snuggled further up to you. But still, he did not say anything.

_“I’m so sorry, Harry… Let’s drop it… do you hear me as well, Mowgli? … But he is right; you are very smart, really. You should consider a career as an auror, rumour has it that you're quite adapt at playing detective... As for the tournament and everything else; I am just as worried about you. Promise me to do your best with the egg and I promise to be careful around any Slytherin. Deal?”_

At your wink, a shy smile appeared on Harry’s lips and when your green eyes locked simultaneously with your pinky fingers, the world seemed to have lightened up a little again.

++++++++

On New Year’s Eve, Jessica paid you a best-friend-visit while the both of you were getting ready for a ‘small’ party in the Gryffindor common room, organized by Fred and George. The perspective of celebrating with people you liked in a safe atmosphere seemed like a well-deserved end of a turbulent year.

“How’s he doing?”, Jessica asked out of the blue. Her face had become a funny grimace while she fought with her eyeliner, slowly turning herself into a goth queen if she would not surrender soon.

“Orion’s great. He’s spending the night in Berlin with a couple of friends before his examination phase starts in early February. I think it’s good that he’s not at home, though. He sounded like he was ready to pay the Grossmanns a visit.”, you said and cursed loudly when she threw her powder brush at you.

“I’m not talking about your brother, my sweet idiot, although I’d like to know how many owls have burned themselves out on their way between Germany and Scotland.”, she teased and her wry grin finally revealed who she had been talking about.

“You’ve been awfully quiet about him.”

“I know.”, you sighed, carefully weighing how much you could tell her. “He’s been kind and supportive, but I think after all the trouble, even he understands that I need a break from the dungeons. Go on, ask me. I think I can deal with it.”

“Tell me, but don’t even think of playing things down. I know how tough you are, but believe it or not, you're still human.”, warned Jessica with an open and attentive gaze. She looked stunning in her dark red cocktail dress that matched perfectly the Gryffindor colours.

“They let me stay in his quarters while they were keeping watch. I think they thought it was the safest place since I didn’t want to be in the hospital wing where anyone has access to. The next morning, he... he was far more open and compassionate than I would have expect. I was even allowed to stay until I felt comfortable enough to deal with the aftermath.”, you replied calmly.

Thankfully, your evening meditations had already helped you to keep your mind and emotions under control, at least until the first nightmares hit around three o’clock in the mornings.

“Sounds like he likes you if he leaves his dungeon cave to you.”, Jessica simply stated and scoffed at your head shake. “Oh, Lillian… it’s not a bad thing… I promise I keep my trap shut. After all, that’s what I learned whenever my parents forgot that they had taken us with them to official dinners with all the society and political gossip going on.”

“It’s just… nobody of our Hogwarts friends likes him. And as much as I would like to, I don’t know if I can act on it right now. I don’t even sleep well.”, you admitted, hiding that this were by far not the major points of your inner debate.

“Who cares? Even if something should happen between you, the school year’s halfway done and no one will care afterwards. You will feel it when the time is right, just like Theo and I. If anything, there is hope left that Elfenstein will be having a competent potions master on the campus soon.”, Jessica grinned and hugged you tightly.

Burying your face in the crook of her neck, it was the best to say nothing at all and let her think that those were your greatest worries. After all that Severus had told you, it was as likely that he would move with you to Germany as that the Chudley Cannons would become first in their league. If you were going back forever at all.

When Jessica was about to enter into a real girl talk, a tiny black owl saved you from more acting and hiding. Mowgli, who never really bothered with the female beauty routine, perked up his head and eyed the unfamiliar animal with friendly curiosity.

 _“It’s not from Orion, but the fluffy bird is also nice, I can tell.”,_ he hissed and seemed disappointed when the small animal immediately sought safety on your shoulder. It chirped excitedly and extended a claw on which a note was tied. Again, Jessica was quicker than you.

> “Lillian, in case you have not planned to attend that wretched party in the Gryffindor(k) common room and get a detention for being out after curfew (honestly, the earth has just made another turn around her star!), I am waiting by the main gates to see to the tree after dinner. I hope you’ve enjoyed your holidays. P.S.: Don’t spoil Nero too much unless you want another glutton to look after. He’s just as cheeky as Mowgli.”

Your mind had not even processed every word when Jessica, a fast reader indeed, already waggled the piece of parchment right in front of your face.

“You’re speaking in codes and he’s actually humorous?! And he’s sending his very own owl?! My sweet lady, he’s definitely into you…”, she exclaimed in excitement about her proof and as much as you have liked to tell her to wipe the incredible smirk off her face, you did not find it in your heart to do so.

His message came in like a wrecking ball that took down a great deal of ruins from the Yule Ball. Nero, the small and very agile bird, fluffed up his feathers and hooted non-stop as though it wanted to impress the both of you.

With a suppressed chuckle, you fed him a couple of owl crackers that you had ordered for Hedwig initially, but what the eye did not see…

“Well, it’s settled then. You’re not going with me.”, Jessica decided and clapped her hands.

“Wait, what?!”

“Lillian, no make-up and glamour charms in the world could have added such spark to your face. You look like you’ve been reborn, actually… go and see him, I’ll cover up for you.”, she smirked and sent the owl away before hugging you once more.

++++++++

With a pounding heart against your ribcage, you waited in the shadows near the Whomping Willow for Severus to arrive.

It was slowly getting darker and although you knew that no one on the grounds intended to harm you any longer, the feeling of being outside on your own with no one being aware of your exact whereabouts did not add to your comfort.

The flutter of wings startled you at one point so much that you bit your hand hard, but it was only Nero who had spotted you first and affectionately nibbled on your earlobe.

“Damnit, bird. This is nowhere near the owlery!”, you then heard Severus dark voice rant only a few metres away from your position. Your knees almost gave in. Not only had he plucked up the courage to ask for your support, but also dropped his professional and distant way of speaking. The mere sound of his voice made you feel a whole lot braver and self-assured than before.

“He’s just found me, Severus.”, you quickly answered and if by an invisible hand, Severus elegantly turned on his heel and strode toward you. His hair looked freshly cut and a soft breeze blew through it, turning his face into a mesmerizing interplay of light and shadow in the fading lights of a cloudy winter evening.

“You shouldn’t have cancelled your appointment. I’ve seen your class going into the castle.”, he said, but something in his eyes could not hide the happiness, relief and shred of triumph he undoubtedly felt right now.

“I wanted to, Severus, and I am very happy that you’ve asked me. Besides, rumour has it that on this day next year, the earth will have circled around her star yet again…”, you smiled back at him, before watching Nero fly away with such noise that you wondered why a spy and double agent had gone for complete opposite characteristics for his familiar.

“He’s not always like this.”, Severus shyly explained and once more, you asked yourself if your mind shields even deserved the name given their sorry state. He just let out a quiet and very amused chuckle.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, even if there is a lot of pressure around. You are a gifted witch and Albus would like to meet the both of us in two days for a training. His office, two o’clock. Prepare to be stuck with him until dinner.”

Nervously, you fidgeted with your fingers until Severus laid his free hand on yours. Neither of you had realized how close you were standing next to each other and despite a slight panic rising inside you, your heart begged you not to step back.

‘He’s not like him, Lillian. He means well.’, you constantly thought and when your sudden tension ebbed away, he looked just as proud and happy as you. You could not remember if any man or boy had ever looked at you like this. The warmth of his gaze made you shiver in delight.

“Shall we go?”, you asked shyly and transformed into your snake form at his curt nod. This time, however you immediately changed back once you stood under the hatch.

“Would you like me to join you?”

Your question, a whisper at best, seemed to fill Severus’ heart with confidence as his posture straightened and his lungs seemed to breathe in the clearest oxygen in the world. He even squeezed your hand ever so quickly before knocking against the old wood far louder and self-assured.

“He felt like he needed an extra dose. Usually, I don’t have to come on the last day. We’re late, though. I Hope he hasn’t transformed yet.”, he said while you waited for the hatch to move.

Remus Lupin looked indeed worse than last time and according to the shadows under his eyes, he had gone without proper rest for days. However, at the sight of the steaming goblet and you, his eyes lit up and he quickly began downing the Wolfsbane.

“The escaped murderer is not here?”, Severus asked without beating around the bush, his hand firmly wrapped around his wand. He eyed the staircase and upper rooms with so much contempt and hatred that you started wondering again what else had happened between them, but at the sight of Lupin’s crumbling mask, your mind quickly abandoned the thought.

“No, he’s abroad again. How’s Harry?”, Lupin answered surprisingly calmly between quick gulps. Something in the way he spoke told you that the question was not really meant for Severus.

“He’s alright. I think the ball frightened him more than facing a grown dragon. I tell him you said hi, if you want to.”, you said before Severus had the chance to rant about Harry and let himself consume by his own boiling emotions for your friend.

Lupin chuckled and dared to smile at you for quite a while until the cracking of Severus’ knuckles disrupted the silence and had him face his former classmate and colleague with a mocking expression on his face.

“She won’t do such thing. It’s enough that Potter’s been here on a full moon night once. If I ever see him in here again…”, Severus barked furiously and pointed with his wand at the goblet as rude sign for Lupin to hurry up.

To be honest, you had fatally forgotten about that, but before you could apologize for the carelessness, Severus had already silenced you with a warning glare. A little embarrassed, you inclined your head slightly towards the creaking floor and tried to hide your blushed cheeks.

The feeling of being told off and reprimanded by him did not settle well with your general state of mind and it did not help that Lupin’s features shifted as well from mockery to protectiveness.

“Don’t be so harsh with her, Severus. I am sure she only meant well.”, he said in a diplomatic attempt that was clearly destined to fail. How little did they know each other after all those years? If any of the students ever dared to criticise him like this, that person would surely never see a detention-free Saturday until the end of the year.

“She is my assistant and it is up to me to decide how strict or lenient I am with her. Besides, she is fully aware of Potter’s nightly wandering against his own safety, so she should have known better… as an adult, as my assistant and as a friend of his. I will not have her involved with any of the nonsense your lot seems to relish.”, he growled back, teeth bared.

‘I will not have her involved…’ – The way he had spoken about you now almost had your stomach flip. This was not the caring and protective Severus you had gotten to know so far. It was beyond a normal degree and shocked you immensely. You wanted to protest against the possessive undertone, tell him that he had no right to decide over your life and choices, but as long as Lupin was around, it would only lead to a counterproductive discussion and further escalation.

Lupin eyed you from head to toe, undoubtedly recognizing your expression, but he chose to let it be as well and focus on the potion instead. When the goblet was finished, he handed it back to Severus with a stiff and cold demeanour.

“You better hurry, the moon is likely to rise any minute… You’ve got a chance now, Severus, consider yourself lucky.”, he whispered so quietly that you almost missed the ambiguity of his words.

With another hateful glare, Severus turned on his heel and went downstairs, not even checking if you were about to join him or not.

With a mouthed ‘I’m sorry’, you waved Lupin goodbye and followed him nevertheless, even though the former excitement about spending the evening with Severus had gone for a vast part.

The hatch was scarcely locked when Severus forcefully grabbed your arm and dragged you into the tunnel. He didn’t mind that it had been far less complicated if you would have transformed into the snake, nor did he care that he scratched himself quite a few times on your way back to the Whomping Willow. When the tunnel came to an end, you secretly took out your wand and sent a body-bind curse at him.

“Don’t even think to protest or scream, there’s still a werewolf on the other side and I don’t want to attract any roaming student’s attention….”, you hissed and propped him up against the wall, ignoring the fact that the wakened tree above your position protected you from prying ears one way or the other.

“What the hell was that about, Severus? You know that I can’t stand the feeling that someone wants to possess me!”, you said with suppressed anger in your voice that was instead openly displayed through a dangerous flash in your eyes.

Severus did not reply immediately rather than closing his eyes and struggling with the trembling of his whole body. It took him a long while until he eventually calmed down and dared to meet your gaze again. His eyes, ever so black, were filled with tears. Again.

“I’m sorry, I… I got caught in the past… I’m sorry, I’m just afraid…”, he stammered. “I don’t want to lose you to them, Lillian. I don’t want that –“

“You are not losing me to anybody, Severus, because I decide with who I am friends or not by people's actions, not by rumours or whispers about them. I may like you quite a lot and I want to spend a lot of time with you, but that doesn’t make me your possession.”, you interrupted sharply and held him firmly by his shoulders.

“I’m my own woman, and I am sick of being pushed around in any part of my life. Why are you so afraid to trust me? Or anybody? Why do you already think that I was about to let you down for someone I don’t even know? And even if I knew him or whoever, I can be friends with anybody and still like you a lot!”

Severus flinched as if you had just slapped him across the face. His cheeks blushed from embarrassment and humiliation, but he had done everything to deserve this answer. Sure, for a man his age, it could not be nice to be scolded like a jealous child, but again, he had brought himself into this situation.

“I don’t want to possess you, but I am afraid that one day, I’ll be too dark, too brooding, too broken for you and that you will turn to people like them with their perfection and natural grasp of what is good and what is bad.”, he finally admitted. The atmosphere instantly changed into something vulnerable and less vicious, making the both of you literally feel how much effort this statement had cost him.

Replaying his words in your head over and over, you finally relieved him from the magical ropes that had held him back thus far. Severus sighed audibly and rubbed the slightly sore places on his body, but did not approach you further. In the end, you decided to sit right next to him and patted your shoulder as an unspoken invitation for him to rest his head on it.

“You’re not used to kindness and much property, are you? Therefore, you answer with protection, possessiveness and aggression as soon as you feel like someone’s intruding your privacy.”, you stated calmly and gently nudged your head against his while he shyly held your hand and caressed it as though it was a rare and precious treasure.

“We did not have much… close to nothing, to be honest. Whenever I was happy to have met something or someone, it was like forces automatically showed up from everywhere to pull it or them away from me again… I… My… my home life was…”, he quietly murmured, kicking away some stray pebble stones with his foot. He did not even need to point out what growing up must have been like for him. It already showed through his grown up being.

“So, you never learned how to… to…”

“…to behave like a normal person, you wanted to say? Never mind, I am not that cold to not know about this and as a child, I never found the strength to fight against it or protect me at least. Don't know why... Guess I was just too weak and misled from both sides... But, as you know, I am not permitted to change and try again officially until he’s been finally dealt with. You’re right, though, I am afraid of losing everything that reaches my heart and at the same time, when I was younger, I got so frustrated to find out that the whole social stuff is not as simply to be learned as potion recipes or charms or anything else… I think I stopped trying at one point...”

Again, you needed time to stomach those new revelations about Severus’ past, but this time, you could not help to snuggle up against him.

“I don’t pity you, Severus.”, you quickly said when he tensed and tried to let go of your hand. “I merely want to show you that you are not alone right now. I am very grateful that you have told me about this. You are a brave man, Severus, and if anything, I am quite angry with life for not being nicer to you… Have you ever had someone to truly confide in? I mean, someone other than the… Death Eaters?”, you asked cautiously.

Severus, too, snuggled up and intertwined his whole arm now with yours. “There was someone, but I guess I was already in too deep without realizing it when we met first and later, after other things had happened, I managed to push that person away from me… Today, it feels like it had been always a question of time… You see, Lillian, I will likely hurt you sooner or later, even though I like you and I am afraid that you will walk away as well and I will lose more than ever before…”, he said without facing you.

“Do you feel better now that we’re talking? Less tense, less angry, less possessive? More trusting?”, you asked quietly, watching the full moon light up the grounds and entrance of the tunnel as you both sat there in the shadows, not even paying a thought to warming or cushioning charms.

Severus’ slow nod was all you needed anything to immediately feel warmer, though. Something inside you wished to get even close to him, capture his lips with yours and show him that he really meant a lot to you that you were not ready to give up because of haunting pasts and external dangers growing around you.

He was loaded with unsolved problems and you had your own bag to carry as well. Maybe it was time to really admit how much you both liked each other and how much better you could carry on together. A burning inside you fuelled you with the needed courage. The time had come way sooner than expected. Maybe it was supposed to be like that. Anyway, you did not care any longer about standard functionalities or external expectations.

“How about we only talk about the past, but live in the present and deal together with whatever the future holds? There is no law that makes history automatically repeat itself, you know. Besides, you clearly have evolved, otherwise you would have never managed to reflect your own behaviour like this.”, you said reassuringly before taking a very deep breath.

“As for your fear of loss: I can’t promise to follow you blindly like a puppet, because that would not be me, but I am willing to always to be honest with you and face challenges together. Severus, I am already friends with Harry and the Gryffindors and we both like each other nevertheless. I guess it’s not going to be easy because of… well, you know better than I, but I refuse to be deprived of a profound happiness because of the past. We have the power to make choices now, Severus. This… us… we’re already unconventional as it is, so I daresay that a few more thing out of ‘the norm’ don’t really matter.”

Severus stilled in your arms and for a moment, you feared that he would jump to his feet and storm off, because you had been too pressing ahead with what you had last agreed to in the dungeons and what just had happened in the Shrieking Shack.

But your fear was for naught, as he simply sat up straight and cupped your face with his hand. Wonder flared up in his eyes and he seemed so taken aback by your calm and still fervid words that he simply stared at you in awe. The corners of his mouth twitched once or twice, but no sound escaped his narrow lips.

He simply pulled you in a gentle and long hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck and softly cradling the back of your head.

“Promise me to tell me as soon as possible should you ever feel like wanting to step back or not wanting me anymore at all. I will need time to prepare myself since I can’t cope with another loss again.”, he said, his voice muffled by the amount of your hair.

“I promise, Severus, but I don’t think it will be necessary. Being together means getting to know each other and feel if something should not be alright one day.”, you replied and cradled his back in soothing movements.

“I will protect you and be there for you, but you need to tell me if I should overstep a boundary. I have yet to learn where those lines are crossed.”

“I will, Severus. Promise me to train me in every aspect until I know how to master any difficult situation like you. We can do it together, I think.”

Severus slowly parted from the embrace and rested his forehead against yours. The gesture was intimate and caused your heart to almost break with the love and pride and confidence you carried for him. This was nothing like you ever had experienced, heard of or seen.

The world around you stopped turning and for a moment, there was no one but you two. He, Severus Snape, who had apparently spent a good part of his life in hellish circumstances but still had a heart of gold somewhere under his many layers of cruel self-preservation, fear and regret; and you, Lillian, who felt like being seen as the person you were, not the one somebody pictured you to be.

Eventually, Severus would come around one day and find that allowing himself to openly love and care would not make him vulnerable, but lend him a strength that no aggression and bad experience would be able to shut down. Until then, the both of you had enough time to get to know each other while protecting Harry and fight for a future whose safety seemed imminently in danger. Indeed, fighting against dust felt far better with a strong and equal partner by your side.

Neither of you had noticed how close your whole faces had gotten and when two pairs of lips met halfway and brushed ever so slightly against each other, a lightning storm of the purest and brightest emotions filled every cell of your body while a creature inside your chest roared in triumph and wonder.

The kiss was short but fuelled by determination, affection and sincerity that left you soon breathless. Severus was surprisingly gentle and his shyness or uncertainty was quickly overruled by his ambition to put every emotion he felt for you in the sweet and tender skin contact.

This was more than a kiss; it was pure commitment and willingness mixed with love. A beautiful promise.

He did not feel possessive or dominating at all. In fact, he was just kissing you like you were the most precious person in his life, of which you still knew so little. Through the tender captures of each other’s lips, you shared an innocence and mutual respect that took away the emotional power of any former experience you had. It was as though a new time had begun.

Slightly panting, Severus broke the kiss first and the smile that appeared on his slightly puffed lips could not have been happier.

“I’ve never done that before, Lillian. Are – are you alright?”, he asked and gasped when you just captured his lips once more as a response.

Even if the both of you felt a little more confident, your second kiss still was pure, loving and focused on the person in front of you as a whole. You were drowning in each other, forgetting about time and where you actually were sitting under while the absence of any lustful emotion only pulled you even closer to each other.

“I really like that no one can know until the end of the school year.”, you said at one point, ignoring the fact that you would have to make up a good white lie for Jessica.

“We can solely focus on ourselves, can take our time as much as we like to without being pestered or watched by anyone and the need to hide all of this from anybody will help me with occlumency on top. I hope so, at least.”

Severus just pulled you onto his lap – he was far stronger than he looked like – and wrapped his cloak around you before finally casting a warming charm and snuggling against your upper back.

“And here I am, thinking that it would be inappropriate to point out the rational advantages of this unconventional relationship…”, he chuckled, but suddenly fell silent. You sighed, knowing with certainty what had caused his mood swing now.

“We are in a relationship, Severus. I think we already were from the moment we agreed to see where this might take us as persons… but even if we could tell the world now, it would still mean that we’re exclus –“

“- you don’t have to worry about that with me, trust me.”

“Neither have you, Severus. Sorry, it should have gone without saying. Besides, my nightmares are back and I wouldn’t be here if I did not feel a big amount of happiness, comfort and security around you long before… whatever, you are the only man I want to be with.”, you said and fought against the lump in your throat.

Severus immediately rocked you back and forth to soothe you and planted several featherlight kisses on your shoulders.

“See me tomorrow in my office, I’ll give you a mild potion. Once we have started training with Albus, it’ll get much better. Trust me, I know. And for now, just focus on us, Lillian. I’m with you.”, he said before enjoying a much more comfortable silence with you.

When the clock tower stroke midnight, the both of you were still sitting under the Whomping Willow, not caring about student parties or a rising You-Know-Who for the moment. Instead, another tender kiss was shared between you and you felt like there could not have been a more comforting end of the old and more promising beginning of the new year.


	15. Perfect Imperfections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a week of holidays at Hogwarts before we'll be back to business again. Prepare for a little bit of fluff, romance, hurt and comfort ;-)
> 
> Warning: Mention of child maltreatment.

According to Jessica’s, Theo’s, Yvonne’s and Richard’s hangover, the party in the Gryffindor common room had been a success all along the line, wherefore you found yourself walking to the Great Hall for a late breakfast on your own.

Even Mowgli, who had been eventually retrieved by Harry since ‘the poor guy just could not spend the whole night alone’, was too tired out to accompany you after returning to your caravan around four in the morning. Around his neck, however, you saw a small note around a red and golden string which had undoubtedly once belonged to a Gryffindor scarf.

> _“You wanted to take a long walk on the grounds and then retire. I made Viktor agree to back up for you. If anyone askes, you had a rather long conversation about Quidditch tactics. P.S. You owe him a flight now, but I guess that should be fine. Love you, Jess”_

Chuckling at the slightly spidery writing that spoke even more volumes about just having a few butterbeers, you kissed Mowgli’s head and supplied him with a fresh bowl of water before leaving.

 _“Can I come with you next time? They are bloody loud up there in the castle. At least, the tiny creatures with the big ears and eyes loved to feed my all night long! That was pretty nice until I woke up this morning.”_ , he called after you, half amused, half drowned in self-pity for his voracity.

The Great Hall was unsurprisingly empty - a shame regarding the perfect breakfast plates - and you could not help but sympathize with Hermione when you thought of the sleep-deprived house elves and their disturbed work-life-balance. At the staff’s table, McGonagall looked like she had been called out of bed more than once last night, whereas Dumbledore seemed even happier and free-spirited than usually.

Severus was nowhere to be seen. Not that you had expected him to, especially not after recalling the rumours of him never sleeping at all and always being the first in the Great Hall. Apparently, it had not mattered that you had returned to the castle late after midnight.

The reason for your return had not been because either of you had wanted to leave the secret hide; rather because Severus had known that the fact of him not roaming the castle for stray students on a night like this would have certainly become a carte blanche for suspicions and rumours. You, on the other hand, needed to be back in your caravan alone and preferably before your friends in order to make up the much-needed white lie for Jessica.

“Morning, Cedric.”, you said and joined him at the Hufflepuff table. “How was your evening?”

Cedric, who still looked half-asleep, desperately tried to hide his enormous smile and blushed cheeks. He looked like he was on cloud nine and the fact that he was actually wearing a Ravenclaw scarf proved him more than guilty. At your amused grin and raised eyebrow, he just shrugged and smiled even wider.

“She’s just amazing. Oh, and I won ten Galleons from my friend Linda, because she bet that Snape would catch us on the Astronomy tower, but do you know what? He never showed up! Can you imagine? Hunting students on New Year’s Eve is known to be his favourite occupation of the season… wonder if there’s a new favourite place to snog he found out about… poor fellows...”, he chatted happily and to your immense relief, he was far too busy with himself to notice that it cost you every ounce of self-control not to giggle or blush at his musing. If he only knew…

“Other than that, my dad’s grating on my nerves…”, Cedric went on and refilled your cereal bowl without even asking if you were that hungry.

“Someone told him that we spend quite some time together and now he’s worried that you might take advantage of me – I don’t think so, Lillian! If I’m honest, I have mixed feelings about the tournament… nothing goes according to plan and every headmaster and teacher is trying to trick and make their own school win… besides, I really don’t want the glory if it means that people like Skeeter will be hot on my heels for even a day in a week!”

“I can feel you.”, you agreed, quite relieved about the change of topic. “I can’t stand her either. Plus, she isn’t even a good journalist. Her writing reminds me of teenage gossip… and even if she knew how to articulate herself, had reliable sources and stopped the bad-mouthing, I don’t understand what’s so damn interesting about other people’s privacy.”

“Yeah, Harry’s not in an enviable position, I guess.”, Cedric sighed and suddenly, a conspiratorial grin appeared on his lips. “He might have already told you that I tipped him off. Given that you helped me in so many subjects and that you’re left with far less time than us, I just wanted to offer…”

“That’s really kind of you, Cedric.”, you said quickly and patted his hand. “And I really don’t want to be impolite, but I want to try and find out on my own, at least. May I come back to your offer if I haven’t solved the riddle by end of the month?”

“Sure. You’re a good person, Lillian. Honestly. How was your evening, by the way?”, he said earnestly.

“Uneventful, just how I wanted it to be.”, you lied through your teeth and pictured yourself walking alone on the grounds and reading a novel in your caravan before going to sleep to ensure that your mimics and eyes would not betray you.

It was easier than you expected it to be and Cedric just replied with an understanding expression on your face.

“I don’t want to be insensitive, but I am really happy to see that you are back and accepted the new challenge. I really hope that you will win this tournament. You deserve it and if Cho hadn’t just come in, I would have hugged you right now at last…”, he said and left for the Ravenclaw table after you just playfully nudged him against his arm.

_Clunk. Clunk. Clunk._

You had not seen or talked to Moddy ever since the incident, and you were secretly relieved about it as the scarred man with the grizzled hair and glimmer in his human eye did not strike you as someone compassionate and tactful.

Besides, Mowgli was still convinced that something was off with him, and even if you still thought that it was because of his appearance and moodiness, his persistence on the subject would not want to leave the back of your head.

“Morning Championette, how you’re doing?”, he barked rather than asked, not even bothering to walk around the table. Like this, you had to turn your torso in order to see him and hated the feeling of the unpractical position.

“I’m fine so far, thank you, Sir.”, you replied with a smile and waited for him to speak again. Moody was no one to beat around the bush and maybe, that was not too bad at all.

“I just wanted to thank you for letting me catch another dark wizard scum.”, he said quite satisfied with himself and straightened his shoulders. You almost spat out your milk at his questionable statement, wondering if he had not realized that in retrospect, you would have done anything to have avoided Leopold from the moment you had first met.

“I hate those folks with a passion, you know. The only thing worse are Death Eaters running free. Pay attention, Black, you know first-hand that something’s off here. I can’t always be around to save your hide. Stay grounded, neither below nor above the surface is a good idea these days.”

He left without waiting for an answer. Maybe, he had not even expected you to say anything, dumbfounded as he had left you. You knew from Harry that Moody had caught Karkaroff and sent him to Azkaban shortly after You-Know-Who’s fall, but was he also aware of Severus’ past?

He could not really expect you not to get the insinuation and you wondered what else he might hold knowledge of without plainly revealing it. Severus and you needed to be much more careful than you had agreed upon already.

++++++++

The last holiday week kept you occupied with stopping Harry from his sulking over Cedric and Cho by flying with him several round across the pitch and even getting Viktor to join and teach you a proper Wronski Feint. In addition to that, homework, essays and the first occlumency lesson with Dumbledore, who had promised to teach Severus and you together once you had mastered the basics, were also due.

As it turned out, Dumbledore was a fair and patient teacher, feeding you with plenty of information about the layers of the mind, the power of imagination and emotion and how to empty spinning heads with awareness and muggle meditation. Other than that, he was apparently a great admirer of muggle things in general as you spotted several knitted socks and tons of muggle sweets in his office that was otherwise crowded with the most curious artefacts and machines of the magical world.

To your surprise, he scheduled a second appointment and despite the horrendous headache afterwards, you refused to visit Severus in order not to raise suspicions. If anything, you worked even harder on your own until finally, you were able to sleep a whole night without unpleasant interruptions.

Mowgli, who had moulted just another time, was another large occupation of your spare time. According to the little documentation about basilisks that you had found throughout the years, he would reach his maximum length of 55 feet after fifteen years, but his growing rate made you think that Mowgli only needed half of the time at most.

It was only a question of time now until his scarlet plume on the head would appear since his scales slowly began to change colour from black to green. Moreover, you needed to think of an alternative location for him as his current 20 feet crowded your caravan quite a lot.

While you prepared the serpent’s shed skin for Severus and Hagrid, one of your alarms announced a visitor without any permission to come closer. Wand at the ready, you opened the door and let out a relieved sigh when you saw the arrogant, pale and pointed face of Malfoy change into a frightened grimace.

“Safety measure, nothing personal. How can I help you, Draco?”, you asked and tucked away your wand. Malfoy, usually accompanied by his two half-trolly of best friends and the Parkinson girl, pointed with a shaking hand at Mowgli.

“May – may I stroke him, Lillian? I’ve never been this close to him.”, he asked, unable to hide the faint squeak of his vocal cords. Puberty and feigned bravery came in handy at times.

“Come in, but I urge you not to pull any tricks at all.”, you said and quickly told Mowgli what was going to happen.

 _“He’s a pretender, mum. I can smell his cold sweat. I won’t bite him, though…”,_ Mowgli said disgruntledly.

 _“He helped me during that night, so he deserves a chance, darling, even though Harry and he can’t stand each other. Besides, he’s in Severus’ house and I am sure that he would want you to treat his hatchlings kindly.”,_ you replied unimpressed with his behaviour and led Malfoy’s hand to the horned and dragon-like snout.

“Easy, Draco. He’s always a bit grumpy after moulting… Costs him a lot of energy, you must know…”, you explained and smiled when the boy finally just behaved like a boy and did not even hide his excitement any longer.

“He’s grown and he looks less childlike.”, he observed and listened attentively to your explanation. He could have known beforehand, but Malfoy and his likes never really listened in class out of sheer arrogance and false reassurance from their homes.

“Did you come to pet Mowgli or was there anything else, Draco?”, you asked at one point while Mowgli retreated and snuggled up against you now. Malfoy, who now looked at your photo wall, shrugged a little with his shoulders.

“I just came on behalf of our house. We – we are very sorry that you have been attacked and we just wanted you to know that in spite of your friendship with Potter, Granger and the Weasels, you are considered a serpent through your assistantship with Sev – Professor Snape.”, he said without turning around. “So, if anything or anyone bothers you, just let us know. We are allowed to do almost everything as long as we are not getting caught.”

Surprised by his bluntness and twisted way of telling you that another house supported you as well, you needed a moment to find your voice.

“Thank – thank you, Draco. I appreciate this.”, you replied, making sure to hide your confusion and concern about the morally grey offer. He eventually turned around and pulled two envelopes out of his pocket.

“Here, this is from your mentor and this letter contains some photographs of the Yule Ball. I don’t know if you want to see them, but I volunteered anyway.”, he said, handing them over with an uncertain posture.

“That’s alright, Draco. I will decide on that later.”, you said and struggled to hide your happiness when he bid his farewell shortly after. The letter from Severus in your hand had certainly gotten your whole intention.

> _Lillian,_ it read. _See me this evening if you are free. I need to brew some headache relievers and according to Madame Pomfrey, some dolts are in urgent need of a Deflating Draught. P. S. Rumour has it that the dungeons are well-equipped with butterbeer and chocolate frogs._

It had been days since you had last spoken to Severus and even that conversation had not gone beyond a ‘Good afternoon’ and “Don’t forget that the champions are not freed from their homework, Black and Diggory’ when Cedric and you had crossed his path one afternoon.

You quickly went over to Jessica’s to see if she could take care of Mowgli, but unfortunately, Theo and she had other plans.

“Do I need to know why Mowgli can’t join you any longer, honey?”, she teased and dodged your slap on her arm.

“He’s almost 20 feet now and I fear that he is getting too big, Jess. We’re just on friendly terms, that is all for now and fine for me, given the circumstances…”, you said flatly, inwardly hating it to pull that card.

“Sorry! Well, how about you take him with you and ask if there’s a spare room?”, she suggested after almost crushing you with a hug.

++++++++

Mowgli was less than pleased to learn that he could no longer spend the evening on Severus’ desk but in an empty classroom. It took you five minutes to argue with him and promise him to leave him with Hagrid next time until you Severus and you were finally alone.

“Hi.”, he said shyly, his cheeks slightly blushed and vein pulsating on his forehead. Touched by his sweet innocence, you just pulled him into a hug before locking your lips with his. Surprised, as though he had forgotten that you already had spent a fair amount of time kissing in the past, he reciprocated each little kiss in awe and gently caressed your back.

“I missed you.”, you admitted with a happy smile on your lips and by the way he initiated the next round, he had not felt much differently.

“Mowgli is alright?”, he asked worriedly while guiding you to the working table and empty cauldrons.

“I think he’s slowly hitting puberty if I am honest. Not because of his cheek, but his stubbornness and pouting increases proportionally to his body length.”

Severus snorted in amusement and pointed at the ingredients for the Deflating Draught. “It looks as though he’s not the only one struggling with puberty.”, he said dryly and lit the fires beneath the cauldrons.

“You are not saying that – “

“Exactly. An After-Ball-and-Holidays-Effect. And to think now that an ‘Engorgio’ is simply the peak of the iceberg.”, he grinned while you fought hard to supress a laughing fit. The same happened every year at Elfenstein as well, regardless of how many talks were organized between the students and respective head of houses. Teenage boys were simply unreformable.

In spite of being in a relationship, and a very fresh one on top, the brewing went as smooth, perfect and efficient as ever. The only thing that had changed were the exchanged longing and loving glances between you, whenever the cauldrons allowed to be unwatched for a moment.

Once you had finished, Severus convinced you of taking Mowgli to his quarters since he did not want to be reason why your pet felt left out all of a sudden.

Therefore, the both of you found yourselves snuggling on his couch, butterbeer and chocolate frogs on the coffee table, while the serpent hissed happily and tried his best to make friends with Nero.

“Are you feeling alright regarding the tournament?”, Severus asked after releasing your swollen lips from another long and tender kiss. You were sprawled half on himself, half on the couch and loved the way he looked at you with the softest expression in his shining black eyes.

Contrarily to your initial planning, you had yet to start solving the inhuman screams that came from the egg once it was opened. Severus listened to your plan of trying different opening methods and assured you that a witch with your abilities would not need too long to find out about the clue inside.

His encouragement made your heart swell and you could tell by his relaxing features that he was more than relieved about your reaction.

“Albus has been telling me that you are making progress in occlumency as well, Lillian.”, he further praised while preparing another chocolate frog for you. It was hard to swallow the moving object from your angle without smearing chocolate all across your face, but Severus, ever the smirking gentlemen, cheekily kissed the small stains away

“You are insatiable.”, you protested happily, but shrunk when he immediately froze and retreated.

“No, Severus, this was not a stop sign. I love how courteous, kind and loving you are. It was meant in a playful way.”, you quickly said and even though he relaxed a bit, you could tell that something bothered him immensely.

“I didn’t know, sorry.”, he mumbled and helped you sit up on the couch. “Sometimes, you know, although I laugh at those teenage boys for almost bringing their genitals to explosion, I feel like I am not any better.”

“You hate being inexperienced in general, do you?”, you asked understandingly and took his hand in yours before he would eventually break his fingers from fidgeting too much with them. Severus, clearly ashamed of himself, just nodded and refused to meet your gaze.

“I don’t care, really. I meant it when I said that I love the thought of finding everything out together. And I don’t mind how much time it will take, because you are my partner. We are equals and I respect you. Besides, if I needed time for something one day, I wouldn’t want you to put pressure on me either.”

“ _Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law.”_ , Severus replied tonelessly. “Immanuel Kant, a rather ingenious German philosopher. You’re an honourable and noble person, Lillian, and I like you even more for that.”

“I didn’t know you know about him.”, you said in astonishment, but Severus merely inclined his head towards one of the bookshelves.

“It’s not all wizarding and potions lecture. I do like to read, always have. My mother encouraged me from early on.”

It was now your turn to pat your lap and have him lying his head on you for that you could cradle him softly and ensure that he would feel how happy you were around him. Severus took some deep breaths as though he was inwardly debating on further elaborating on the topic or not. In the end, his eyes sprang open and once more, tears blurred his sight.

“She’s a witch who married a muggle. Her family disowned her for that and my father… well, let’s just say that he was not a nice person. Whenever things got particularly rough and I couldn’t escape the house, she locked me in a cupboard where she had stored many books he should never discover. At the same time, she rented tons of books from the local library for me.”

“So, muggle and magical literature. Sounds like a good compromise to me.”, you said quietly, not wanting to pry on why Severus considered his father a bad man. He did not sound like he was ready to open up about that.

“My father hated books. He hated almost everything, but I continued reading from both worlds anyway. It was nice to have something non-magical that did not shout on every occasion.”, he went on to your surprised and held your hands like a lifeline.

“I like how many books you have around here.”, you said, hoping to take his mind off the man you did not know and never wanted to meet at all.

“Feel free to take whatever you like, Lillian. I am happy to share with you.”, Severus smiled and wiped his face. “Sorry about that. I try not to be fully occluded when we meet and –“

“– there’s no reason to apologize, Severus. Thank you for trusting me.”, you said softly before bending over to kiss him tenderly.

“I like you so much, Lillian.”, he whispered and when you whispered the words back in his ear, you could feel him get happier and confident again. Love, even if it was not called out as such, not yet at least, was a powerful force.

The both of you then talked about potions articles, your ‘breakneck’ Quidditch moves that rivalled Harry’s in Severus’ eyes and ergo made his toes curl up and, inevitably, your new status as a champion again.

“I want you to be careful, Lillian. Of course, I will do anything to protect you and keep you safe, but I'm limited during the tasks and with Potter around…”, he said, his voice thick with worry.

“You sound like Moody, you know that? I promise that I will be careful and vigilant, Severus.”, you replied and furrowed your brows when he unexpectedly flinched at his colleague’s mention.

“You don’t like him either, do you?”, you asked and pointed at a sleeping Mowgli when he wordlessly asked who else did not think of Moody as an all-time hero and role-model.

Severus withdrew again for some moments until he erratically got onto his feet and began to open his frock coat once more.

“Are you comfortable enough to see me shirtless, Lillian? I need to show you something, but it’s not like the Dark Mark, not even half as dark.”, he asked without looking at you.

“I – I think so, yes.”, you said confused and wondered what his body had to do with Moody.

But then, once the linen shirt had dropped to the floor, you saw a parallel that you had not expected at all. Severus’s body, scrawny, tall and pale, was covered in countless scars and healed wounds as well. He did not even look half as disfigured as Moody, but it was undeniable to admit that he had been engaged in more than one rough battle.

Severus still did not face you and stared at the wall full of bookshelves instead. Of course, he must feel terribly afraid of your initial reaction and maybe even fear for you to reject him because of his appearance under the black layers. It was a ridiculous idea, as you suddenly longed to touch him, kiss him and show him that he was beautiful in your eyes.

“Turn around, please.”, you said in the softest tones you could muster. “You look like a brave soldier, like someone who has seen enough to know what the pain of this world feels like. I am not appalled by your scars, Severus, and I don’t want you to even consider this option. If anything, I am touched that you show them to me. And I think they just show how brave you are and how much you have grown.”

Severus’ twitched, but he did not turn around. Instead, he took another deep breath before his silky voice filled the dungeons again.

“Ignore the faint white stripes, Lillian. They’re my father’s work. I just wanted you to show the gash that begins right under my left shoulder blade and goes around my ribcage. Moody caught me dealing a grey potions ingredient in Knockturn Alley after _his_ fall and interrogated me roughly, like it was common practise back then. Don’t blame him, please. But he also knew that Dumbledore had hired me, so when he discovered my Dark Mark, he called his old friend first and they managed to deal with my case in a smaller hearing. He was outraged at Dumbledore’s vouch, though.”

“He told me this week that he hates free Death Eaters more than anything else. And he warned me about spending too much time in the air and in the dungeons.”, you said calmly, and wished for nothing more than that he would turn around. You could have never imagined how much of a bad person his father had actually been and what had been considered interrogation methods barely fourteen years ago.

“A nice way to hint at two Death Eaters in the castle. Do you think Krum is trustworthy?”, Severus asked, his face still stubbornly directed at the bookshelves.

“Yes, he prefers Hogwarts over Durmstrang. Hermione told me.”, you said and chuckled at his grunt. It was common knowledge that nobody had expected her to steal every girls’ show at the Yule Ball.

Cautiously, you got up the couch as well and slowly approached him from behind. With your arms gently wrapped around his torso, Severus finally exhaled and relaxed against your body. Meanwhile, you kissed every small scar and mark that your lips could reach until he suddenly could not take it anymore, spun around and captured your lips passionately than ever.

To feel his full strength and fever in such a concentrated and raw way made you shiver and flip your stomach in pleasure and delight. It was as though your bodies had been set on fire, closely pressed against each other as they were, and on top of everything, his racing heart under the narrow chest and his deep and frantic breaths turned your knees into pudding.

When he broke the kiss, however, the first thing he did was making sure that you were alright, that he had not gone too far or been too pressing. Severus cupped your cheeks with his hands and once he understood that your reddened face and radiant eyes were the result of the intensity and pleasure you had felt, his lips ghosted over yours in the sweetest manner. The man drove you positively mad and you could barely hold back a moan.

With a final kiss on your forehead, he released you from his grip and even offered a genuine smile, not caring whether it revealed his crooked teeth or not.

“You are magnificent, Lillian.”, he panted happily and got dressed with the help of some spells that you had yet to learn. “May I ask you something else?”

“Anything.”, you breathed just as happily and hugged him tightly once he had become the infamous man in black again.

“My birthday’s next Sunday. I usually don’t celebrate it, but now, with you by my side, I wanted to ask if you would like to spend the evening with me? Don’t worry about presents, please. All I want is to spend time with you, especially before we’re back to business in this nuthouse.”, he whispered into your dark red locks, inhaling your scent as though it was the clearest air in the world.

“I’d love to, Severus. I can’t wait, actually.”, you whispered back and showered his face in affectionate pecks. It would always remain a miracle to you how nobody else had seen this side of the man or even made an effort to look past the surface, but then again, he would have likely been another woman’s partner. And this, you knew for sure, would be the last that you would ever want in your life.

To say that that you were far over the moon with him was the understatement of the decade. He might have his imperfections, but all in all, even those were perfect. Perfect for you, at least and therefore, you could barely wait for Sunday evening to come.


	16. A special Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Severus' birthday, the last day before the beginning of the new term, you enjoy a Mowgli-free evening in the dungeons. 
> 
> Warning: There will be (explicit) smut.

> _Sis,_
> 
> _I can’t believe how fast those owls travel, actually. I mean, it’s only been days since I’ve sent the last one back. Speaking of owls; when are you gonna pick the snowy owl again? She’s almost as adorable as you!_
> 
> _YOU ARE IN A REAL **RELATIONSHIP** WITH HE-WHOSE-NAME-I-CANNOT-WRITE-UNTIL-THE-YEAR-IS-OVER?!_
> 
> _How DARE you make it official (if secret) and not have ME around?!_
> 
> _I’m only joking, but I am dying to meet this man and see his ‘multi-layered’ facades… It’s hard to believe that he can be a prick if someone like you are all head over heels with him… As long as he treats you like you deserve it, I’m fine, though._
> 
> _The Brits seem to be quite a twisted society compared to ours… Well, dolts are everywhere to be found, I guess, but after all you’ve told be about little Harry (can’t wait to meet him one day either), and the way the press is campaigning against a boy who is not even close of age and has no magical ward to defend him, I find them even more disturbing._
> 
> _Grossman has been committed to a closed ward in the hospital in a first step, by the way and Grass has sent her apologies to me as family as well. I think she was being honest, albeit it doesn’t make a difference towards her general points of view. Enough of them… dolts, like I said._
> 
> _Please do me a favour and try not to get caught in more crossfires than necessary – I bet the old hag of a journalist is already dying for another headline, now that you bring something ‘new’ into this tournament-thing. Don’t let her or anybody get you down!!!_
> 
> _I am so proud of you, Lillian, and all my fingers are crossed. Enjoy the birthday night with your prince and keep me posted about everything._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _O_
> 
> _P.S.: Cuddle Mowgli for me, will you? I can’t picture how much he must have grown in the past weeks. Any chance to send pictures?_
> 
> _P.S.: No presents? Take those bottles of non-alcoholic IPA from a small brewery near Nuremburg. I’m sure you’ll love them._

Orion’s letter, returned by an express-owl, had you smiling from one ear to the other, even long after you’ve read for a second and a third time. It was Sunday noon and for the first time in days, a clear blue sky had greeted the castle and its habitants and dragged so many people outside to spend one last free day with snowball fights and a riverside stroll along the black lake.

Severus had sent Nero to inform you that he was expecting you after dinner time but that you had to arrive hungry. Although you were looking forward to meet Ron for a game of chess later on, time did not pass as fast as you would have preferred.

Sighing, you took the golden egg and continued casting several revealing and translation charms which were all for naught. You even tried to transcript whatever the screaming voices were saying. An idea formed in your head after another pointless and deafening attempt to at least understand the riddle.

Eggs were usually brooded by birds, reptiles or toads, in case of basilisks, and maybe, all you needed was a nest with someone who just kept it warm for a certain amount of time. Naturally, Hagrid and Mowgli were more than happy to assist and now that you felt like you had accomplished something besides impatiently trying to kill time, another jet of happiness rushed through your veins.

++++++++

Severus was waiting for you in his office. His hair, unlike the usual curtains, was tied back into a very elegant plait that highlighted his sharp cheekbones and prominent nose. His eyes with those enviable long lashes and thick eyebrows also looked more captivating than ever, now that the other black eye-catcher was gone.

In order to remain inconspicuous, you wore a simple denim and black pullover. Even your hair was curly and open, like on any average day, whereas the winter coat had already seen better days. A feeling of shame was promptly about to build inside you.

“You look beautiful, Lillian.”, said Severus, striding forward to greet you with warm embrace. “You are beautiful.”

There it was again, the ensnaring scent of forest herbs and a summer breeze. Snuggling up, the warmth and affection that seemed to pour out of every cell of his body infected you with the same feeling of comfort and love. All too quick, you felt exactly where you ought to be again.

“Happy birthday, Severus. It’s wonderful to see you.”, you whispered in his ear right before your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him covered in goosebumps.

“I’d like to adjust my protection spells to you. Then we can celebrate somewhere less… public.”, he said and guided you into his private storage room where you finally recognized the outlines of the familiar wooden door.

“What do you need? My Blood?”, you asked, swallowing hard.

“Just a small scratch on your finger suffices, but let’s drop it for tonight. I won’t bother you again with it until you address the topic again.”, he said quickly, sounding subdued and fearful, but as soon as you just held out your hand and nodded earnestly, his face lit up all over again.

One day, and this day had to come soon, you would need to talk to him that he should not tie his own emotional state to you. It felt not right to have someone straight giving in and foregoing his own plans and wishes just to make you feel good. There had to be a happy medium, even under the complicated circumstances you two had found each other.

One drop of blood sufficed already and the faint outlines transformed into the actual door. Severus shyly opened it and led you to his living room like a gentleman. The dining table, the memories of the morning after barely attached to it anymore, was beautifully laid. On a crisp white tablecloth, finest porcelain hinted at more than one course the both of you were going two have while in the middle of the table, another impressive bouquet of flowers gave the impression that it was early April already instead of January.

“You – you didn’t need to…”, you stammered, unable to hide what felt like the widest smile in your life so far. “It’s your birthday, not mine!”

“Like I said, I just want to have a nice evening with you and I thought that you would like this.”, Severus admitted, his face drenched in a crimson red tone. He did not expect you to throw your arms around him and kiss him breathless until a shy clearing of a throat broke the building passion and left the both of you caught red-handed.

There, in the middle of the living room, a house elf stood on his tiny shaking feet and tried not to lose his balance under the weight of a heavy silver tray and the scenario he had undoubtedly witnessed.

“Did I ask of you to stare at me, elf?!”, barked Severus furiously and his face reminded you so much of his teacher scowl again. “Put the tray on the table, wait for our next call and forget everything you have seen or will see this evening!”

“Yes – yes, Professor, right – right away, Sir… Dobby will do as he was told, Sir. Dobby is a free, but good house elf. Dobby will burn his tongue to prove that he won’t say a thing.”, it squealed in suppressed terror and only then, you realized that the elf was indeed covered with the familiar clothes of which not a single piece matched the other.

“That’s not necessary, Dobby, and I forbid you to hurt yourself in any way. Just – just ignore that he and I are… involved, okay? No one can know, least of all Harry and his friends.”, you quickly said before Dobby would stick his tongue into the open fire or do whatever he thought was appropriate.

“Miss Lillian! Good to see you, even though I haven’t seen you! Miss Lillian’s heart is just as big as Harry Potter’s! Dobby is happy to see Miss Lillian being friends with his own friend, Harry Potter!”, Dobby cried out in surprise and once more, the sudden mood swing and the elves’ general dependency on human judgement left a bitter aftertaste on your tongue.

“It’s alright, Dobby. We’ve got it from here. Return to the kitchen, please, and do as Professor Snape has told you.”, you directed him and let out a relieved sigh when the little acquaintance left with a snap of his long fingers.

“You’re so kind and empathetic and still know how to draw lines…”, Severus mumbled and held you tight. His eyes were closed and according to the fading blush, he was slowly calming down again.

“I’ve had little choice but to adapt fast, Severus. Just, let’s not talk about it right now. I was too nervous to have lunch today and it would be a shame if the both of us won’t pay enough attention to the beautiful table over there…”, you smiled softly at him and even squealed when he lifted you without warning and carried you towards your seat.

++++++++

The evening was a pure bliss. Severus and you shared three wonderful dishes, enjoyed Orion’s present and talked about everything and nothing at once. He was kind, charming, attentive and patient, always holding your hand across the table whenever you were pausing in between bites.

His sweet disposition and overflowing happiness left you entirely touched and amazed. In fact, during the course of the whole dinner, your heart and knees downright refused to function as they were supposed to for a mere second. When he felt finally confident enough to ask more about your bringing up at the orphanage and the bond you shared with your brother, a new feeling added to the firework inside you. He was wholly embracing you with your past and everything that ever had an impact on you.

Severus himself, probably without being aware at all, was thereby more and more becoming a part of you; something dear that you did not want to lose anymore. At his loud musing about how and when it would be possible to meet Orion in the future, your heart finally burst with love and a feeling of home.

As for you; you found it much more difficult to ask personal questions about him as you knew by now how unpleasant his parental home had been and that he had a less than easy time at school. Not to mention his Death Eater days and whatever life-changing experience had made him fight against the dark.

He did not mind and suggested himself to speak about the less pleasant experiences in his life at another time after you timidly explained what bothered your mind.

“It’s a big, frustrating and shameful mess, Lillian, but I promise to tell you everything in time. You deserve to know the truth. Just not tonight, maybe.”, he said after locking his eyes with yours in the most solemn way you had ever seen. You could not have agreed more.

Next you knew was that the sound of The Beatles filled the suddenly not so cold dungeons with life and a normality that you had last experienced in summer. He was the first to get up and initiate a new round of wild and careless dances across his whole living room.

The both of you giggled like little children when you accidently bumped against furniture or knocked stray books over while your rhythm changed more and more from the music’s to your very own. His body was firmly pressed against yours, his hand no longer steady on your back but roaming it, whereas your head rested in the crook of his neck and your hand on his shoulder somehow automatically held him close to you.

The passion that flooded your whole system slowly but steadily concentrated in your lower abdomen and from there, it broke free with a new force and took control over everything. The ecstatic rush had you flying over the highest mountains and diving into the deepest of waters. Compared to the burning need of being close to him, becoming one with him, your weak knees felt rock-solid.

Lost in time, the couch on which Severus eventually collapsed became again the location for an endless snogging session that had you lying on top of him, one hand tangled in his hair while the other was absentmindedly stroking every inch of his body within reach.

Severus, who had not said a word in a while, relaxedly cradled the back of your head and continued to take care of your back in a mix of a massage and stroke.

When he adjusted his position to the weight of your body that did not even think of getting up in the near future, something hard suddenly pressed into your abdomen.

“I’m sorry.”, Severus panted beneath you, his eyes wide with shock, but you did not care, not even wasted a second on why he had reacted like that. Drenched in his scent and sensing his presence with every fibre and cell of your body, you subconsciously knew that you would always be safe in his arms.

Nothing, absolutely nothing was compared to him. You were both there, in your own refugium, and he was all that was left on your mind.

On their own accord, your hips and pelvis gently pressed against him and once you broke the current play of your tongues, you stilled and looked him deep in the eye.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to start finding certain things out together.”, you breathed hoarsely and moaned when his rock-hard erection twitched, cheekily answering for him.

“Just know that this was not the purpose why I asked you to – “

“– Hush, Severus. I did not expect my whole body and mind to be on fire either, but I don’t mind. We’re together and I want to feel you. I feel safe.”, you cut him off and kissed him feverishly until he, too, could not hold back a deep moan any longer.

Before you had the chance to understand how fast he could actually move, he already had you lying on your back on his bed, kissing you hungrily and eventually resting his forehead again against yours.

“Please, Lillian, take control and lead me, lead us.”, he said with pleading eyes. There was no chance to resist him, not after recognizing his inner struggle between lust and the urge to keep you safe and comfortable.

He almost looked afraid of hurting you, of making one false move that could scare you off or worse, bring up the memories that were so dissociated from you and the current situation. They did not even have one single detail in common.

Without explaining yourself and giving your past more power than it deserved, you just pulled the both of you to your knees and placed a slightly trembling hand of his on your breast, encouraging him to explore your body and find out what both you and he liked. At the same time, you nibbed on his earlobe and kissed your way down his throat to the distinct collarbones, ghosting your tongue over his thin and sensitive skin.

Soon, his hands were roaming your upper body under the fabric of your pullover, whereas yours had already undone the buttons of his shirt and stripped the linen of him.

“You look like you’re made of the finest marble, you know that? You’re even more captivating than I thought at first.”, you whispered in awe and arousal, finding it suddenly hard to keep your eyes of his thin body and the scars that criss-crossed mainly his chest and upper belly.

Severus stilled, watching you with wet eyes and a gaze that brimmed equally with disbelief and love. When he felt your hand ghost over his chest, stroking his belly and roaming his own and even more scarred back, a soft moan escaped the narrow lips which, for the first time ever since you knew him, were of a beautiful pink instead of a pale beige.

With another swift movement, you took advantage of his state and stripped down to your underwear, leaving him even more flabbergasted and overwhelmed, but after a while, his hands also moved towards his waist band, releasing the black belt and undressing his black trousers.

Kneeling in front of you with tented black boxershorts seemed to embarrass him as much as it made you wish that he could feel the warm wonders of your lower abdomen and how perfect your soaked slip mirrored his own arousal.

“Let’s lay down, Severus.”, you breathed in his ear and grabbed his hands to unclasp your bra, finding pleasure in guiding him and discovering all of this at the same time. He panted heavily, the crease between his eyes revealing how much he forced himself to remain controlled, but once the piece of fabric was gone as well and your breasts, tender and warm, touched his chest, he finally let go and subdued himself to the wild power that engulfed you both.

“Whatever we do next, I won’t last.”, he croaked in between kisses and pants while allowing you to put him down on the mattress. Facing his striking face and his blurred but still glimmering eyes, you moaned loudly when his hand caressed your bare breasts and his thumb massaged your over-sensitive nipples.

“I… I – oh my god, yes – I don’t mind, Severus. Not at all…”, was all you managed to say before his lips were on yours again and his tongue, just as witty as his fingers, plundered your mouth seductively.

Again, by sheer automatism, a hand of yours wandered down his body to his boxershorts and once a slow nod reassured you that you were not the one going too far, it slipped under the waistband and gently clasped around his throbbing, hot and velvety erection.

Jolts of pleasure erupted from your own wetness and made you squirm with him. The tip of his penis was drenched in pre-cum, hot and slick, and made it easy for you to stroke him in a steady and passionate rhythm that left not only him sweating, but you as well.

“Lillian, I – oh, yes… oh, I – slow down a bit, please.”, Severus cried out and fumbled with the rest of his boxershorts until they were somewhere far down his legs. With his head basically resting at the same level as your breasts, it was now up to you to be pierced by a new form of pleasure and lust when his mouth sucked on your nipples and his tongue played with them devotedly. He was amazing and nothing of what either of you did felt inexperienced at all. If anything, your aroused mind had gotten under the impression that you worked like a Swiss clockwork, as though you were meant to be. The thought alone brought you close to climaxing.

“I want you to cum on my breasts.”, you moaned loudly, hoping that the new instruction would now buy you a little extra time. Severus froze for a second before lying you on your back and kneeling stark naked above you, a burning lust written all over his face.

Your plan backfired immediately as the sight of him stroking and pleasuring himself topped every imagination possible and left you getting even wetter by the second. Severus, too, was getting close at the sight of the way your breasts heavily danced on you, revealing shamelessly how equally firm and tender they were.

The moment your hand began to fondle with his taut and round balls finally brought the over-due release. While your lower body convulsed in a blinding pleasure and even had your back arch like never before, his orgasm covered your breasts and belly with hot, long streams of cum that came with a loud scream of release.

Severus needed a moment to himself to see straight again, but then immediately began to lick his own cum from your body with a wry and endlessly happy expression on his face.

“Do you have any idea how perfect you are, Lillian?”, he asked once he laid completely on top of you and kissed you softer than ever before.

“I could ask you the same, I guess.”, you replied and quickly placed a finger onto his lips before he would start to contradict you.

“I love you, Severus. In every single way.”, you said without realizing the words slip your tongue. It had felt too natural, too good to waste a thought on it.

Severus froze again and stopped breathing until his mind finally understood why the words had come with such ease. Tears of unspeakable joy dripped from his face down on yours and when the both of you beamed at each other, your eyes got dangerously wet as well.

“I… I love you, too, Lillian. And right now – for... for the first time ever, I feel like I could die of happiness.”, he whispered and buried his face in the crook of his neck, softly crooning when you placed kiss after kiss on his head and on the beautifully ruffled long hair.

That was all you did for a while; you were all snuggled up and enjoying the wonderful aftermath. Severus lifted his head eventually, just to smile at you and kiss you once more.

“Stay here for the rest of the night. I’ll wake you early for that you can return to your caravan.”, he said with unmistakable hope in his voice.

“What if somebody sees me?”, you asked, confused why he was suddenly willing to take such risks.

“Are you a witch or not, Lillian? Either cast a disillusionment charm or change into your snake form…”, he just grinned and playfully tutted at your bafflement. “Unless you want to leave, that is…”

“I’m staying! It’s not all my fault that my blood is everywhere but my brain…”, you protested fiercely, blushing when you realized what you just had revealed, no matter how obvious it had been all along.

“Well, would like to have it everywhere but there for another while, Lillian?”, Severus whispered in your ear in the most seductive hushed tones that alone made you shiver and moan in anticipation. Smirking, he kissed his way down your body, lingering around your throat, collarbones a bit before thoroughly making sure that your breasts were still the same after the short break.

Your legs went straight into auto-pilot and genuinely spread to welcome the man you loved so much. Severus tongue and hair tickled your flat belly, but you were unable to see it, even if your eyes had been open, since the touches practically asked to be felt only.

With utmost care and respect, his hands slowly removed your slip and the liberation of your womanhood urged your pelvis and lower abdomen to move in slow rhythms. His kissed and cherished your Venus mound before the first touches of his lips and tongue with your clit almost brought you straight to climax.

Severus was a wonderful lover; he held your squirming lower body gently in his hands while he tried different speeds and technics of which every single one felt like a bliss. You moaned shamelessly, touched your own breasts even and even though your eyes stayed closed, you saw him clearly between your legs and how he glanced up at you to check if he was doing it well.

Your womanhood had become a goodness who welcomed his nibs, kisses and licks like the most valuable and precious gifts one could offer. Each time his tongue gently entered you; you felt your climax build deep somewhere inside your body like a light bulb that was slowly overheating, mere moments away from exploding with power.

Suddenly, something longer and harder was inserted and before your brain understood that the potions master with the very wicked and very trained hands was fingering you, the walls inside you were already milking his digit while his tongue rubbed over your clit again and again.

“Severus, you make me –“, you cried out but your orgasm had already hit you straightaway. Compared to your previous one, this climax came down on you like a supernova and when Severus moaned against your womanhood, apparently lost in his own sudden release, you actually saw stars behind your lids.

After a moment to regain the strength to move and breathe half-way evenly, your found yourself back in his arms and the top of your head showered in kisses.

“You are incredible, darling.”, you croaked hoarsely and chuckled when he just pulled you closer. “How – how did you do that?”

“Let’s just say that I, as a head of house, know all about the latest literature regarding this topic, too. Never came in handy until now, but I can’t say I’m unhappy. Apart from the theory and anatomy, the rest was mere… instinct…”, he purred and bluntly showed the self-satisfaction in both his voice and eyes.

“I felt the same… it seems a good thing that we are rather experimental potion lovers…”, you agreed exhaustedly.

“I think it’s a very good thing that we met, regardless of the circumstances, Lillian. I love you very much.”, Severus said and, for another while, all you did was locking the shimmering black and radiant green pair of eyes in absolute love and devotion.

“Sleep, my love. It’s pretty late. I’ll be by your side.”, he eventually decided, cradling you until you fell into a dreamless and very relaxing sleep.

++++++++

Despite a few hours of rest, you felt more energized than ever while you slid back to your caravan in your beloved snake form.

Severus had been less grumpy than expected, but most likely, you thought, he was just feeling the same.

After having checked on Mowgli, who had stayed with Hagrid and the golden egg for the night, you were surprised to still be one of the earliest students for breakfast in the Great Hall.

Severus was not sitting at the staff’s table; either because he had breakfast right after you left or he was still full from yesterday night. Now that you knew what he looked like without the clothes and cloak, you were fairly sure that he was not eating much – in addition to a rather slender figure from the beginning on.

In all those weeks at Hogwarts, you had somehow gotten used to having breakfast with Cedric as no one from the Gryffindors showed up anywhere near before last-minute on school days.

This morning, however, Cedric did not greet you with his usual smile and twinkling grey eyes but with a face as white as a sheet.

Your heart stopped for a moment. Was there any chance that someone had seen you leave Severus’ quarters this morning? You had not even met a ghost or Mrs Norris as far as you could tell. Jessica and Theo had also planned to spend the night together and Dr Grass, who had thankfully left you alone for most of the time, would never even think of disturbing someone’s peace and quiet on a Sunday evening – thank god for the German principles.

“Cedric! Aren’t you feeling well?”, you asked, highly alarmed and hurried to sit down next to him before you standing in the middle of the hallway would attract any kind of attention, especially not from the Slytherins who seemed to have shown up altogether.

“I don’t know how to break it to you, Lillian.”, replied Cedric and sounded equally disturbed and shocked.

“Spit it out! Better now than later.”, you said through gritted teeth, remembering that you had last said this sentence right before something else had happened which you had not anticipated at all.

He pointed at the _Daily Prophet_ right in front of you with a trembling hand. “She has outed Hagrid as a half-giant… and… and… and… Lillian, I swear that I didn’t know!”, he whispered.

“What is it, Cedric? Who cares if Hagrid’s a half-giant or not? He’s alright, everybody knows it. And someone has to teach us about magical creatures. It’s not his fault that most of them are unpleasant. For us, it’s good that he loves them all…”, you said, slightly apprehended by his change of perspective. You had expected more from a champion, head boy and general loyal and friendly Hufflepuff.

“No!”, he protested fiercely and even pulled his hair. “Do you remember when we talked about Rita Skeeter? Well, the thing is, Lillian, she kind of had her go at you now. Just, just turn to page twenty-one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the development of the story so far and thank you very much for keeping up with Lillian and Severus! :)
> 
> Title of chapter 17: Rita Skeeter’s Scoop


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